Hi problem with inlaws and husband?

Question

Hi
my husband comes from a traditional family.He is very short tempered .My inlaws are partial to my sister in law .my husband does not realize that and says whatever they do is right and also
according to family tradition.I(for eg:I am supposed to be my inlaws and husbands property after marriage but my sister in law
still sticks to my inlaws) I come from a broad mindeded family where we have values but do not specifically follow traditions(rules in doing anything)
And when my parents tried to make him understand that i am equally important he developed hatred towards them.I want him to realize his parents hyporacy(saying traditional and doing whatever they want)also i want him to reduce his anger ,share a good rappot with my parents.(my parents are liked by many).He is also very possessive doesnt allow me to talk nicely to anyone.(friends/family)PLZZZZZZZZ give me proper advice(i cant take divorce or anything becoz i know he loves me ,he gets me whatever i want)

i am an indian .As i said i cant take divorce
becoz i will be hurting my parents by a break up(it is unacceptable in our society )

Answer 1

No question of taking divorce on this small issue. Even never think on those lines as it will only spoil your life from Indian prospective. But as far as problem with your in laws & husband is concerned it is a typical Indian mater which all most all Indian families have, it is either a sister in law or brother in law who being pampered during her /his childhood create problem for other family members & this what is happening in your family . Your sister in law is the trouble shooter & till she remains interfering this mater will never be sorted out. You have not mentioned if your sister in law is your husbands sister & if she unmarried. If she is your husbands sister & unmarried then start planning her marriage , make a friend with her & make her to realize that she should get married now, even encourage her to make boy friend if she is not having any & tell her to go ahead with her matrimonial with that boy & insist for the marriage. By doing all this you will be taking her mind off from household responsibilities & increasing her interest in her own future married life. Better her to get married as soon as possible & go to her matrimonial home & start her trouble shooters there. This will bring peace in your matrimonial life & after she leaves your house, your parent in laws will start giving you more importance realizing that you are now the real lady of the house & keeping in mind that their own daughter has gone to her matrimonial home & she should not face any problem there, this attitude automatically comes when daughter leaves her parental home, all parents become cool & generous. I am also a father of a married daughter & unmarried son so giving you this plan to work on.Best of luck.

Answer 2

Hello,
How do expect us to help you settle this problem you have if you think it is all about tradition and material things.

Yes that right- You said you are traditional family, can't divorce, but on other hand husband won't side with me.
Then he loves me because he gives me what ever I want.

Is that love to you, material things?

You want our advice but from what I'm reading here you really aren't commit to what is best.

Put all tradition aside right at this moment- Do you think just a little in the back of your mind that your husband knows you will never leave or divorce you? Therefore he can say or do what he wants, not caring of others needs or wants?

You yourself need to stop sticking up to these acts your husband, his family is doing!
Talk to him make him understand.
I feel if you don't you will lose the relationship, trust and maybe love of your parents.

Stop using tradition as a cop out. You can stay married for tradition and keep living day after day in this same mess that you helped create or you can traditional stay married and fix try to resolve the issue that are in front of your eye's.
Your decision not ours
Sandra

Answer 3

Hi.
You should feel yrself to be lucy if ur husband is possessive/ Mind u please that u.r weded to the family/n after marriage yr husbands house is yr house/ u should take n discuss ur problems with yr inlaws not with ur parents anymore. For all practical purposes now ur inlaws r yr parents. Yr parents should not at any cost or reason whatsoever should interfear in yr affairs.Yr husband is sandwitched .

Under the circumstances pl for god sake lie low as ur yr husband loves n likes u. Your whole problem is the interfearance of ur parents/ why should the make understand ur husband/he is not a dummy./ Pl change ur thinking / In india 90 percent problems r created between the couples r because of girls parents specially mothers/ ur inlaws expect respect from u / give them respect n see the change. U r like their daughter now/forget the past/keep everybody at his her place. Pl dont get offended/this is the reality/ give propr respect to yr inlaws/ur husband/ stop interfearance of ur parents// their telling anything to yr husband will further aggeeviate the problem. pl

Answer 4

Hi problem with inlaws and husband?

Answer 5

You don't have to get divorce just because of ur sis in law.
If u love ur husband & he loves u then don't even think like that there r other ways to deal with issues then talking like this.
Ur husband doesn't let u talk with who? males family members?
Its ok! A simple hello hi is fine. NP.
Your problem is very common this happens in ur culture. I think what u should do is leave ur sister in law alone for a while & be happy. What I mean is that u can't change this by always telling them & or forcing them. Talk to your husband politely after a while when things r not over flowing, if u know what I mean. when u are not angry of course. The thing is some daughters r too close close to their parents that its hard for them to leave them alone after they get marry. its not a problem as long as she doesn't ruin ur & ur husband's relation. As long as u 2 r happy together everything is ok. Be a lil or try to friendly with her & when u think u 2 r friends tell her to staying at ur house gives u more respect then coming here & stuff like that. (I hope i m answering to thing u asked & nothign else!)

Answer 6

Hi

I can understand your situation very well ,

There is no doubt that you are from India .

The statement your husband making does not make any sense ,even though if he thinks he is 100% correct then it should apply to his sister also.

I wish the treatment you are getting from your husband should happen to your sister in law also from her husband.

Do not give up ,be strong. one day your husband may realise & things will change .

Good luck.

Answer 7

First of all ur no ones property..ur a human being not a piece of furniture..

I dont know what religious back ground u are, but if your a christian, then your vows say Forsake all others.. that means family too if they are having a negative influence on ur marriage..

Your suppose to come first to ur husband, not his family they are now considered extended family and u are not his immediate family..

He needs to cut the apron strings so to speak from his family and make a life for u and him, and let them fend for themselves..

In the bible it states, that the man and woman will "leave" their familes.. and "join" as one..

He has very little respect for u if he is treating u like property or letting his family treat u like property..

And love.. has nothing to do with "getting u everything that u want" and if u think thats what love is , is having someone buy ur love, then u have no clue what love really is..

Answer 8

tell him when he carries the baby for 9 months then he can have a say in weather not your parents can or can not hold the baby.Look its simple put your foot down they are your parents and it you thank the baby will be safe with them then they have a right to be in the baby's life tell you husband you are the mother and if he wants to be that way his parents can't see the baby either. If you have tried to reason with him and it does not work that is about all you can do. He can't stop you from letting your child see the grandparents.

Answer 9

Being traditional and having traditions are great but Lincoln abolished the concept of people being property in the 1800's. You should be treated (at least) as important as his family. It sounds like your husband has some deep-seated issues with his anger and possessiveness. Have you concidered counseling?

Answer 10

If he truly loved you he would not be treating you this way. There are plenty of fish in the ocean and you can do way better than this. YOU ARE NO ONES PROPERTY. You can be an independent woman, as many are, and not need a man or a harrassing family declaring that you are their property. I understand that perhaps where you are from this is the custom, but we are in the Y2k and things are different now, especially if you live in the US.