My friend would like your advice. What would you do?! She has been w/her commonlaw husband for 6 years & they have two young boys. They have been seperated now for the last 10 mths. While being seperated, she met a new friend. Throughout their friendship, this guy has tried to sway her feelings for him & wants to have a serious relationship. She likes him but she doesn't want another commitment after ending this previous one for 6 years. New Guy does everything that Kids's Dad hasn't done for their family in a very long time. She knows her kids really like this guy & enjoy his company. It really makes her sad that Kids' Dad doesn't/can't go out of his way like New Guy does so she has put an end to that because she's the provider of everything for her & her boys. Her family is not very happy w/her decision & are boycotting her relationship w/New Guy. They think she needs to stick w/Kids' Dad. Recently, New Guy has been getting frustrated & has disrespected her.
2007-01-29 08:57:24 · 27 answers · asked by Ashley 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
New Guy is very jealous type and thinks she should get over her ex and be with him, that he or anyone is better than the ex. Ex/Kids' Dad is willing to start over and be a new person, help out more with family, etc. My friend has thought about possibly going back but doesn't know what to do. What would you do?!
2007-01-29 09:01:38 · update #1
My personal advice to her has been that she should take a break from New Guy, he is obviously getting his hopes up of something that won't ever happen--- at least not anytime soon! I've suggested that maybe she spend time away from both of them, if possible. It may be a little impossible to be away from Kids' Dad than New Guy due to the kids and all, but just seeing him just for dropping off the kids or picking up something, etc. Nothing else, nothing much. She needs to take time to herself and just be with her kids before anyone gets hurt or confused anymore than they already are. What do you guys think?
2007-01-29 09:13:07 · update #2
He's putting on airs now because he doesn't have her yet.
2007-01-29 09:04:20 · answer #1 · answered by Direktor 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Does not giving a chance to the man who spent 6 years with her trump all? The chance to have a complete family?
The new guy is an unknown..... he might just be puting on a good face. The fact that he is frustrated does not bode well. Again something to be said for the known.
But here's the thing. What if the new guy is great and he has the best interest in heart for her and her kids? He is willing to pursue a women with kids and all that entails. The ex (THE EX) keeps coming around all of the time trying to hold on in what ever way possible. Any normal guy will tire of this.
The ex had 10 months and six years to figure things out. Most likely he is the better choice to even start to get a new life. You friend needs to make things clear to the ex. Whatever guy who gets this all will be the one.
2007-01-29 09:27:54 · answer #2 · answered by jackson 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Best choice is to be on her own for a while and figure out what she wants! If the relationship with the kids dad is over, he still should be the dad and they should at least have some kind of co-parenting relationship. Now if this new guy is jealous & frustrated & disrespectful, that's exactly the kind of thing no self-respecting woman would put up with. There is nothing wrong with being single, why do people think they always have to be in a relationship? If you take the time to know what you want & need, relationships get much easier because you don't settle for less that you deserve!
2007-01-29 09:10:36 · answer #3 · answered by zmj 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Tell her to be very careful here. What Im reading here is that this new guy is starting to show signs of being a control freak especially now that things arent exactly going his way. Hes doing everything too well to lead her away from her ex and into his web. What makes me lean this way is the part where you say this new guy is getting frustrated and disrespectful, no way to act if he loves her so. Also no guy should ever use the kids as a means to get to the mother. This is a sure way to damage the kids if the relationshipdoesnt pan out. You have shown no sign that she really likes this new guy other than she wishes her ex could be more like this new guy in dealing with the kids. From reading your situation Im getting a real bad feeling here about this new guy and his working his way into her life.Too many wrong things here and the real way he is , is starting to show up. Tell her to get as far away from this guy as she can while she still can. Good luck
2007-01-29 09:16:43 · answer #4 · answered by Arthur W 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think her family were in the wrong, she is an adult with 2 children and has a life to live as she sees fit. I would think that they would be happy for her and the boys that someone was willing to be a father and friend to their loved ones. The New Guy was made most likely to feel like an outsider in a budding relationship and now feels frustrated because his generosity was received and appreciated by those he choose to please but turned around where he is now the bad guy by well meaning family members. I know family is important but sometimes family are not the best advisers in a situation of love is concerned. If Dad turned his back on his family once he may very well again, I'd give the New Guy a chance.
2007-01-29 09:12:41 · answer #5 · answered by sassywv 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Does dad know about 'new guy'? If so,that may be the reason he wants to get back with her;jealousy/insecurity.There should'nt be any rush to make a decision one way or another. Her family cannot live her life so whatever she decides shoud be her decision only. The new guy disrespected her? She should go slow there also. It is possible that niether man is for her even if her kids like the new guy. In the long run it is what SHE wants
that is important. Don't rush .
2007-01-29 09:22:28 · answer #6 · answered by LORD BALTIMORE 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think your advice was dead on. She doesn't need to be with the new person, who she isn't attracted to and who is already starting to show some undesirable tendencies. Why should she settle, even if he is a nice guy? And as for the old guy, no one changes overnight. He should have a little time to himself to make sure that his changes aren't just temporary. Time away from both of them, to just be with her kids and figure out what she wants for herself, would be really valuable. There is nothing at all wrong with taking some time off and being alone for a little while.
2007-02-06 02:35:13 · answer #7 · answered by Vix 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
how does shee fill about the new guy? If shwe really cares about this guy and he is doing more then the kids dad then why not take it another step. I'm not saying get serious with him right away but let him know that you are interisted in him and apresheate what he is doing for the kid. he may think that it doesn't matter to her and is taking it the wrong way. It would be a bad thing if she lost a good guy
2007-02-05 07:02:56 · answer #8 · answered by jenapher 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Concerned honesty is always the best policy. This is followed closely by respect. My 45 year marriage is largely based on respect and honesty. The little white lies or closing off discussing a problem, will most always have a day of accounting. One of my wife's workers is facing a similar problem for about 2 years now and is currently dating the new guy on an "adjusted" relationship. There was a time apart to re-evaluate their relationship and set the ground rules (one of which was to respect the others feelings and desires).
Respect - respect - respect!!!
2007-02-06 06:27:45 · answer #9 · answered by Dennis R W 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's true, people don't change. They may change their colors for a short while but in the end they are still the same person. However, people do grow up. I think that's what happened to your friend. She needs to continue to grow up.
Kids dad isn't the one for her, and he's NOW saying that he'll change? Of course, he will say that, but he should have said and DONE that when they were on the outs not when there's a new beau in the picture, and kids are loving the fact that the other guy does things with them. New guy, disrepecting her? Please, tell her to move on. No one deserves that. I understand her waffling, but she needs to find out what she truly wants.
Family? Come on...family doesn't have a choice in her decisions, unless of course they are still raising her. Family needs to say their piece and let it go. Unless opinions are solicited from her.
2007-02-06 03:47:52 · answer #10 · answered by sher_bear28 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
First she needs to understand that one man can not replace the other. We all need to take time to see what our actions will bring our life before we take action. A new man brought jealousy of course, he wants his own woman not someone he has to share w/ any guy, baby daddy or not. If I were her I wouldn't leap to be with ex either, he needs to prove to her he is forever a new man not one who is only after someting. What i;m saying is let him take of his kids but don't be quick to find a man to fill the lonely nights. Yes it will be hard to lay in bed alone but she will feel better about her decision in the long run. Find out what she can do for herself by herself, she needs to find her own strengths, passions and needs before she lets someone else enter into her kids life, they don't want to see mom with many men or even one if the relationship is not going to be forever. Now if she gets weak and needs the arms of a man...pray ...or call an escort. Good Luck.
2007-01-29 09:21:10 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋