but you don't have sex because of a medical prob that has not been fixed yet. i keep asking for something to get resolveld. this has been the case since we started dating. we talked to doctors but nothing has changed. i dont know what to do, i cant take it anymore. this has been going on for 3 years. i know it hurts her during sex and it makes me not enjoy it any more. what can i do. i have told her i wanted a divorce. what would you do?
2007-01-29 08:56:20 · 17 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
first off, I give you a lot of credit for sticking around. It's tough. You're a good person.
You do have needs, sex being one of them. If the problem doesn't get satisfied in one way, go about it another. Go to adultfriendfinder or another website like that and find an outlet for your feelings.
Do you think that maybe she doesn't want sex and that is why it is painful to her? Maybe she is with you because she's secure with you but not attracted to you? Is she into women instead of men but not admitted it? Maybe if you and her got involved in a three way with another woman, she'll relax a bit. That helped me.
Please don't think I asked those questions above to make you angry for that is the last thing I wish to do. I just asked those to maybe get you thinking. I have a gut feeling that maybe it's more of a mental thing than a physical thing. The biggest sex organ is the brain and it's amazing what can happen in that brain. If you are determined not to enjoy sex with your partner, you won't. Could she be 'punishing' you for something you did or said years ago? It's amazing how long some people hold onto things and try to punish the other person for it.
2007-01-29 10:58:03 · answer #1 · answered by Lisa s 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, the problem is this: you knew about the medical condition and decided to get married anyway. In hindsight, waiting until the problem was resolved would have made more sense. I don't think I would have married a person in this case, because while sex isn't the only part of marriage, closeness, intimacy and physical expressions of love are some of the fun benefits of having a spouse.
If your wife won't resolve it, I'd get a divorce. If she can't resolve it, that's a different story.
2007-01-29 17:03:04 · answer #2 · answered by Sabine É 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Continue finding a solution to your medical problem. Both of you vowed to stay with each other in good times and bad, in sickness and health till death do you part. Don't get divorced over a small matter as sex. Sex is not the ONLY important thing in a marriage. If both of you truly love each other you will stand by each others side through this difficult time with health problems.
2007-01-29 17:00:47 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems to me that if sex was *this* important, and there was an issue present from the very beginning that prevented you from having a normal sex life - why not just look elsewhere? You've gone through all this trouble of building up a relationship and getting married - and now you just want to quit? This just makes no sense. I think it's really stupid to be going into a relationship and expecting some major changes to take place. Looks like you'll have to chalk this one up to experience.
2007-01-29 17:15:06 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Thats a tough one. Does she have endometriosis? Sex is really important in a relationship. My husband had a girlfriend with endometriosis that had surgery after surgery and still they were only able to have intercourse twice. They went out for a whole year. (this was before he met me of course) and they did a lot of other sexual things but he really missed intercourse, and it didn't look like she'd ever be able to have it. I don't know what to suggest. If you really love your wife, then you may have to accept a life with not very frequent intercourse, but if you don't love her that much, you should divorce her, although that will probably break her heart and hurt her self esteem. She probably can't help it, and would have sex if she could.
2007-01-29 17:07:48 · answer #5 · answered by stripedbook 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So, you knew this when you dated? Then, you married her anyway? What is YOUR problem? Actually, she should WANT to get this fixed for her own enjoyment, and for her husbands (yours), but since she doesn't want to, you need to work together to find other ways for you both to have some sexual fun. Oral? Hand jobs? Whatever!!! come on now, be creative! But, if you want a divorce, then stop whining and GET ONE!!!! Just don't be surprised when some other man comes along who can love her just like she is.
2007-01-29 17:01:46 · answer #6 · answered by lcamel2000 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
find another doctor.. and people he dont say who has the condition.. it could be that he has one of those that hooks side ways to much ... or she could have a promblem.. either way you can find a way to enjoy sex with out intercourse... my bf when we got together could do nothing because of depression.. 2 yrs later all of that has change.. dont give up .. see as many doctor that you can that specialize in that area.. go on line .. under www.ask.com and type in ( info) on what ever condition you have and up will pop some info on it.. including doctors
2007-01-29 17:07:35 · answer #7 · answered by ? 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What is preventing the "medical problem" from being fixed. If it is a vaginal issue she has hands and a mouth doesn't she. She can use those. If she is unwilling to participate as she can then the problem is more than medical. Good luck to you both.
2007-01-29 17:00:50 · answer #8 · answered by Brent 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
having sex and/or being intimate is not just intercourse. You have an array of posibilities, from manual to oral, so this is not exactly a problem. I guess the problems is that you don't want to work on it any more, and nobody can blame you. Just don't look for excuses.
2007-01-29 17:01:58 · answer #9 · answered by i say what i feel 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
why dont you ask her does she want sex or rather not is there something else you can both do and be just as good as sex? i'd talk to her and find out what she thinks
2007-01-29 17:01:23 · answer #10 · answered by angela C 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋