Can a married man start and keep a really close friendship with a woman he finds attractive?

Question

Seriously, as a relatively young man, any attractive woman is going to be someone with whom I would like to have a sexual relationship. However, I am happily married and very content with my beautiful, loving wife and two children. But I have become friends with an attractive woman, same age and I really just want to be her best friend. I have spoken with my wife about it and although she is a bit tentative, she is willing to see it through with me. Is this possible, or will the natural sexual tensions get in the way. I mean, there are lots of people I know with sexy wives, its just that I do not wish to be their friend. This is eating me up and I don't know what to do. I really value this woman's friendship and I feel it is a huge positive for my life. Please none of the obvious sarcasm, just honest answers from those who have experience with this.

This woman is single and she is not trying to 'get' me. If anything, she is more apprehensive about it than I am. My wife IS my best friend, but different people bring different things to one's life. I am not trying to replace my wife. She is #1, obviously, but is it so wrong to have a close friendship with this 'other woman'. By the way, this other woman and my wife are friends as well. We met her at the same time.

Also, By saying I am attracted to her, I am trying trying to be honest with you guys, to get an honest answer. I wish I were less attracted to her, but what can I do?

Answer 1

Why do you feel that this woman's friendship is a huge positive in your life? You say you are happily married & very content with your beautiful loving wife & you have two children. Why is it so important to have this woman as your friend, when you've got so much going for you all ready? Many men would love to have what you have. Shouldn't the true friend you should be concerned about, be your wife? She should always be the "huge positive" that you need in your life, & no one else. After all, most couples are friends before they are anything else. It sounds as though you are sexually attracted to this woman & that's why you're so determined to be friends with her. My advice to you, is to remember the Ten Commandments, & without sounding as though I'm preaching/judging you, you're headed for disaster if you become friends with this woman. You have a lot to lose if your friendship crosses the sexual line, with this friend you think you need in your life. I think it's so unfair for you to expect your wife to go along with this friendship, that you think you have to have & no doubt know where it's headed.

Answer 2

First and foremost, don't kid yourself!! If sex is not on your mind at the moment, it will be soon! As happy as you are with your marriage and your family life, do you think you would be able to resist the temptation? As well intended as your relationship with this woman could be, there are several things that could very easily end you up in the dog house.

Are you sure you only want to be this woman's best friend? Are you mature enough to resist any direct or indirect advances from this woman? What compels you to be her best friend? What are her intentions?

Why not just be honest with yourself and everybody involved and call a spade a spade! It would be easier to deal with.

If there is enough tolerance, patience, understanding, confidence, maturity and love in your marriage why not propose your true intentions to your wife and take it from there. I have been married for 20 years and have had a best female friend and lover for several years. My wife is perfectly fine with the arrangement and has no resentments, holds no grudges and has become one of her closest fiends also but my marriage has all of the traits I mentioned earlier. It is not something all couples can do so be careful before you get in over your head and end up hurting innocent bystanders!

Answer 3

My question is why do you feel the need to become "bestfriends" with another women? Where you may not become sexually involved you may become emotionally involved, which sometimes can be worse. I have to wonder if you are truly wanting friendship or you are just trying to begin something that you know will end sexually.

If I were your wife, I'd be very concerned. There seems to be something lacking in your relationship that you have to look somewhere else for friendship. I think you as a couple need to see some major counseling. There is nothing wrong with friendship but it seems to you want it to go further and there is the problem.

Answer 4

James, This Friendship will only cause problems in your marriage. Even though your wife says she might see you through this situation, nothing positive will come of this. If you love your wife and children stop this friendship NOW. Your wife will eventually resent you spending time away from her and your children, leading to arguments, tension and maybe a divorce. You and your wife may consider a marriage counselor. In your act of befriending this other woman, you obviously feel that something is lacking in your marriage.Hopefully this is just an infatuation on your part and not an obsession, Seek professional help if you can not separate yourself from this other woman.

Answer 5

To be honest with you, it is wrong for you to do this to your wife and to the other girl. If you value your wife more then this girl then stay away, because no good will come of it and you stand a chance to loose by hurting your wife. Sounds like she would have no trouble in finding someone else herself. Would you except your wife being with another male friend , I think not. You should have a male friend that is married also.

Answer 6

Certainly you can be her friend! You may not be able to avoid having inappropriate thoughts about her but if you love and respect your wife, you must never speak those thoughts or (God forbid!) act on them. We all have thoughts and temptations that we'd never go through with, and it's better to acknowledge and conquer them than to try to avoid any situation that could cause them.

One way to maintain the friendship within acceptable boundaries is to include this woman in activities with your family. Instead of meeting her for lunch at a cozy restaurant, invite her to the park for a family picnic. If the two of you spend most of your time alone, it may be harder to keep temptation at bay than if you're around your family. If you value this woman's friendship and feel it's a huge positive, then share it with your wife. If your friend knows and likes your family, she'll be far less likely to ever put temptation in your path. Also, if your wife is involved in the time you spend with your friend, she won't have anything to worry or be suspicious about.

Hope that helps...

Answer 7

This is a really bad idea!!! If you are so in love with your wife--and you meant your marriage vows of fidelity--you have no business starting up a relationship with a woman whose best quality appears to be that she's really attractive. You don't want to be her best friend. You are sexually attracted to her and you are trying to convince yourself that you're just a nice guy and want to be "friends". Put the shoe on the other foot. How would you feel if your beautiful wife saw a really hot guy and decided she wanted to be "best friends" with him? I'm sure you'd say, "why, sure, honey! You go and have a good time with good old Jim". If you're looking for permission, you aren't going to find it here.

Answer 8

Yes, he can, especially if that woman is his wife!!!!
It is not healthy for you, the other woman or your wife, to do this with any other woman.
You will be sharing of yourself emotionally and this should be shared with your wife and not another woman.
Afterall, when you married, you wanted this woman, your wife, to be your best friend and you made a commitment to her.
Even if there is nothing physical between you two,
this emotional closeness threatens the bond that you have with your wife.
And, it will prevent the other woman from finding a husband whom she can share thing with, as well.

Answer 9

Stop playing with fire. You sound like a big girl, let me make it clear, you will only be the one to end up hurt. She will keep him and you will give your heart to him. His kids will despise you and you will end up old in an affair with nothing for it in the end. Now, do yourself a favor and realize you will connect like this again, but the next time he won't have all the extra luggage. I mean if you think you are the only one his taken back to his place, how could you even think that? If he could do that with you don't you think he could have more then likely done that before?

Answer 10

Hell no. Specialy if she thinks you are attractive to,because someone feelings are going to get hurt. Most women who is attractive to a man who is taken try to get him. It's a com-peter thing. They compete. Women wants to feel wanted. So what's going to happen is, your wife then your friend is going to compete to get you. Then it's going to be a big mess. But if you decide to stay friends with her. Don't never tell her about you and your wife problems or don't tell her what you dis's like about your wife or what you like about her, because she will use those things to get you. If you love your wife and you know that she does not like it that much, I think you should not be friends with her. If you go through it and you wind up sleeping with her, then it's going to be to late to decide to not be friends with her because she is not going to give up on you, she is going to keep trying to get you. Good luck, but I hope you decide not to be friends with her. I been in situation before,it turn out the way i told you. It was not pretty.