Don't married men need romance and passion too? (this Q is for people over 35 y/o)?

Question

We are in our late 50's, together for 14 years (married 10) & deeply in love. All is not perfect though, and I'm wondering if it's my fault. Am I being too demanding? Selfish? Unreasonable? If you've been in a loving relationship for at least 10-15 years, I'd like your opinion.

My wife loves me dearly and I don't doubt that. Her libido has become almost zero while mine has stayed the same (a common complaint, I guess). Still, she gives me a climax several times a week. And yet I don't feel fulfilled, and don't know why. More importantly, neither does she.

I thought it was women who come to miss the passion and romance in their relationships, who want more touching, kissing, playfulness and caressing in their realtionships. But in our relationship, it is me. We have very little of those things despite our deep love for each other. Am I weird to want those things more than my wife? To feel bad when my advances are rebuffed?

Please share your thoughts, experiences, and advice.

She seems to think men just need a climax, however often, to satisfy thier needs. I have tried to tell her that to me, sex is more than just having a climax. Sure, sometimes sex IS just about having a climax, for both genders, but I guess what bothers me is that nowadays with us, that's all it is most of the time.

When we do make love, kissing and cuddling, it couldn't be better and I feel it for days. But for her, the next day it seems to be more like "okay, we did that, now we're done." Recently I tried to get romantic, or "frisky" the day after we'd had such a session, and she said, "See, that's the problem..." meaning I should be satisfied and shouldn't be bothering her again.

The only reason I'm asking this question here is because I love her dearly, but miss our intimacy, so often feeling rejected and so rarely feeling physically desirable to her.

Lorann... Roleplaying or that type of thing might help, but she doesn't want to try anything like that. If I suggest it, she sees it as just another expression of my excessive sexuality.

Besides, she's very traditional, and though she used to love to play and experiment, she wouldn't be open to such a thing.

Another problem with that suggestion is that it implies that the she is the one with the problem, that she needs to change. The way she sees it, I am the one with the problem and I am the one who needs to change my behavior and/or temper my desires.

Answer 1

Not wierd at all. Sounds like you are quite normal to me.

Answer 2

I'm only 31 but I've been with my husband for 15 years and sometimes I feel like that too, so do most of my friends, we've talked about it! Men just need sex more often. However I think your wife is probably experiencing a decrease in libido due to hormonal changes, there's meds she can take to help if she will do it, also be creative in the romance department, woman love to be pampered, make a bath, light candles things like that.

Answer 3

Me and my husband have been married for 10 years and I'm like that sometimes also, not for any long periods of time, I think it's a hormonal thing. just hang in there and try doing some romantic things, or better yet ask her straight out what will make things better. I know after 10 years it's difficult to come up with something new. but I'm sure theres something.

Answer 4

im a married women a mother of three but im not over 50 not have i been married for more then 10 years. im 25 however i believe that there should always be more then just reaching climax. maybe you miss the chase. maybe you need to plan a romantic dinner for too some place you have never been. take her home and tell her to follow your lead. touch her face have her touch your and so one and so fourth. romance her and she will romance you. change things up and make it exciting again. good luck.

Answer 5

I am 51 yrs. old and sometimes go through the same things as you said your wife does.It is not your fault or her's really. We have even spoken to my Dr. about it but in the end it seems that hormones and menopause are the culprits. My husband is 39 yrs, old so it is hard for him.All I can say is don't give up,my husband doesn't and it really helps that he hangs in there. Her body is going through a lot of changes and at times I feel unattractive and old at least mentally. Try talking with her Dr. at her next appt. that's where we get our best advise,and the opportunity to talk together about it with someone that knows the answers and can give us material to help cope. Best wishes to you both.

Answer 6

My husband and I have the same problem. Except I am the one wanting the cuddling and affection. I think it is usually the women complaining of this problem so it is refreshing to here a man say he is lacking in that department. Married 20 years.

Answer 7

Sometimes the passion in the marriage needs to be rekindled. I have heard this complaint more than once. Sex does not fulfill the compassion and excitement of touching and holding each other. This is what you need to "re-do". Good luck

Answer 8

I am in my 40's and married 20yrs. Your wife may be able to increase her libido after a trip to her obgyn. It is normal for some women to loose it due to hormonal changes but there is hope. Try to get her to go for both your sakes. I'm sure she misses it too. This is worth looking into believe me.

Answer 9

Is she having orgasms too. Introduce a vibrator in case she's not. Take a sex therapy class or private therapy. Compliment her often and make her feel beautiful and desirable. She might check with her gyn re no desire. I understand there's viagara for women now.

Answer 10

Yes men need this as well just like we as women and wives do... Goes both ways.... you may need to see a sex therapist with her for help on this.... Try something new in the bedroom like new sex toys or sex board games... My huband bought me orgasm beads and we love playing with those lol!