My husband says he is going to tell me what he thinks is best for me not what he thinks I want to hear..is it.

Question

wrong to want him to just support me on my school endevers instead of telling me what he thinks is best....isnt that my parents job? Shouldnt he just be supportive as long as I am paying all the bills...who cares??? Am I wrong

Answer 1

If marriage is a partnership, then he has to have the right to RESPECTFULLY share when he feels you are making a mistake.

Any money spent is a marital asset. Even if you earn it, it impacts him. So such decisions should be made so that both of you mutually and enthusiastically can embrace the decision.

That's not just about you, but about decisions he may want to make as well.

I would be telling him, if he wanted to buy a motorcycle, and you thought it to be a mistake that he should not buy the motorcycle until you enthusiastically agree.

Same goes with education. I believe education to be valuable. However, maybe he knows you are not a good student, or you start things and don't finish them. Or maybe he has different values.

Fine, so you have to sell the idea.

It's far better in the long term to get into the pattern of working out agreements with mutual enthusiastic agreement, than it is to carve out little personal fiefdoms in your marriage. The personal space can and probably will erode your marriage, if this becomes the way you deal with every issue you disagree about.

Answer 2

He can talk all he wants to, and you can listen politely, but you don't have to do what he thinks is right. Going to school, doing well, graduating, maybe getting a better job than he has may be threatening to him, change in status will always challenge some men. Once you marry, it isn't any longer your parents job, although that won't keep them from voicing an opinion either. In fact even the newspaper delivery boy can have an opinion, but the only person who determines what you do...is you.

Answer 3

Yes..in a way you are wrong, Marriage is a partnership, a parent is a mentor. Your husband should be able to tell you things that is constructive to you, not only with your schooling but in everyday life that effects both of you. I would much rather a spouse be honest in a relationship than lie and cheat or even patronizing. If your husband was doing drugs or alcohol would it not be your place to get him to stop or go into rehab? or would you set back and say nothing and support him in his habits

Answer 4

Does he expect you to follow "what he thinks is best" for you--like a parent to a child--or is he just being blunt in his assessment? Just because you're married to each other doesn't mean each of you has to blindly accept and approve of what the other is doing. You're each entitled to your opinion. Without knowing the circumstances behind your question, it's hard to label him as wrong. Maybe what you're doing isn't the best choice, in his opinion. Then again, maybe he's being a controlling jerk and not giving you the consideration of being an adult in the equal partnership of marriage. If it's the latter, ignore him and do what you think is best and forget about getting his approval.

Answer 5

No, you are right. He is insecure and feels that if you have too much freedom you may leave him. So he controls you in an effort to "protect" himself from being hurt. It's not that he doesn't trust you - although he may make it seem that way - he doesn't feel he is as good as others out there and given too much freedom you might start thinking this yourself and leave him for someone or something else.

In jealousy, there is more self-love than love.

The jealous tend to think that the greater the love the greater the jealousy. Or, the greater the jealousy they feel the more they must love.

In true love you find freedom. With true love you bring freedom to the one you love because you are secure in yourself and that they love you because of who you are. So them being their own person is not a threat to you. If the opposite is true it is jealous love, and not a healthy love.

Answer 6

It's not your husbands job or your parents job it's your job. In a marriage you both make decisions for the good of the marriage but if it's a personal thing that effects only you then you must decide what's best.

Answer 7

Yes you are wrong.
Support does not mean saying yes dear while you are about to fall off a cliff.
Your husband , more than your parents, is the person who understands your situation and feelings best or should.
That is the person who should be able to tell you the stuff you may not wnat to but need to hear.
As long as the advice involves your best interest and not just his own, perhaps you should listen. That does not mean you must accept it but maybe, just maybe, he could be right.

Answer 8

It takes both, I think. Of course he should be honest with you and tell you what he thinks. Maybe it would be good advice, and it's always better to hear different opinions. But, when you've made your decisions, he should support you if he loves you. It's not right if he only supports you when you do things his way. He needs to respect your choices and your opinions too.

Answer 9

If "supportive" means constantly sugarcoating and lying to you - this support isn't worth a damn. Yes, he needs to be supportive, but he also needs to (perhaps tactfully) guide you towards making the best decision. There's a balance here. Be willing to listen, he might have some good ideas.

Answer 10

He's not wrong, just different. Men always try to give answers. It's in our nature.

Explain to him that your not looking for help making a decision, but for support in the decision you've made.

He might get it.