For the married women, did you change your last name when you got married?

Question

My husband has recently been bringing up changing my last name. I didn't change my last name when we got married. Now he's really pushing me to take his last name. My feeling is that I lik my name and don't want to lose any of it so if I were to take his last name it would be by hyphinating the names. He hates this idea but has yet to give me a valid reason why. The recent push has mostly due to the birth of our daughter. He doesn't want my daughter and I to have different last names. I don't think it really matters. So I'd like to know what you did with your name when you got married and why.

Answer 1

I hyphenated my name. First, I'm Korean and my husband is English, so taking his name didn't sound right. Also, I have a law degree, etc. so for professional reasons I didn't want to get rid of my last name. I don't have a middle name, so having a double last name sounded nice. So, for professional purposes and legal purposes, etc. I use the hyphenated name. However, for personal purposes such as with friends, personal home stationery, etc. I just go by "Mrs. Donkin" - my husband's last name.

You could give your daughter your last name as her middle name, and then his last name for her last name - then she would have both your names.

If you didn't change your last name at the time you were married, you would now need to make a petition to the court to have your name changed.

Answer 2

OK first of all there are many men, and women, who think that having the same last name is important. I disagree I think what is important is the fact that you both love and care for each other and if if this is the case in turn you will respect each other for the individual each of you are and not as simply an extension of one person. In this context there is no reason why you should have to change your name if you don't want to and your husband should be big enough and man enough to respect your wishes. As for your daughter and you not having different last names why don't you suggest to him that she has your name and not his hehehehehehe a little naughty yes but might help him to see your point of view about your name been important to you, just as his is to him.

Answer 3

I am married for the second time and I plan to change my last name to my new husbands one day. Right now I hyphinate our names because I want part of my name to be the same as my 3 daughters from my previous marriage and yet I want my husbands name also.

Answer 4

i'm married and have my husband's last name and that doesn't change who Iam even though I don't have my madien name any more . But if you havn't changed your last name when you get married it shouldn't matter at all by the end of the day i'ts not about the last names. I know he's your husband but no one has the right to push you in to' a decesion that you don't want to do, If he loves you enough he'll respect your decesion. there's nothing wrong about your daughter having your husbands last name and you have your madien name why should you change something that you feel strongly about.

Answer 5

I think you young people should do whatever you feel like doing. My daughter kept her maiden name for her 'work' name and has her married name for matters of the children. It is just less confusing. I don't really think it will matter that your daughter has a different last name than you. It seems to be the norm in our society of today. Good Luck to you!!

Answer 6

No, I did not change my name when I got married, nor would I consider doing so. I like my name, it's unique, and it's my dad's and granddad's name - both of whom I love and respect immensly (my grandfather died in WWII). There's a lot of history that goes with my name, and I simply would never consider giving it up. My mom and my paternal grandmother both kept their last names after marriage. In a practical sense, it was never an issue at all. Yes, my mom had a different name than us, but believe me: EVERYONE knew she was our mom; oh yeah. There is no practical reason at all as to why you have to have the same last name as your husband or kids: the issue is purely symbolic and emotional. If you like your name, then keep it; your husband can make a suggestion, but he cannot insist on you changing your name against your wishes.

My husband was in for a little bit of a shock when it came up in a conversation that I was not considering a name change... But he got over it after asking his parents for advice, and them telling him to drop it, no big deal, who cares, it's her name. And his parents are the conservative ones. I'm willing to bet this is just a phase for your husband, and that he will get over it soon. Tell him to talk to some people and get a common-sense perspective on it.

Answer 7

I agree with your husband when there are children. You should present yourself as a family, rather than The Smiths, Jones and child. I don't know what you feel your losing by keeping your parents name.. (do you call yourself Ms. Maiden name or Mrs. Husbands name??)

I took my husband's last name because I was very proud to be his wife. I was very proud to be identified as Mrs. I like knowing that no one assumes we're shacking up by having different names. I wouldn't want anyone to question who is the father of my child if we all had different names. I like being identified as a family and it gives me a sense of pride and belonging- we are one: These are my people. This is my family.

Answer 8

Suggest that he change his last name to your's. Put that in his face.
Your husband sounds like a male chauvenist pig, sorry, had to mention it...
I chose to take my husband's last name, but I had to change all my paper work including contacting the credit bureaus....what a pain in the ***!
My brother's wife kept her's, and my brother sees this as her choice.....I love my brother for being a secure human being.
Their children will have his last name.
Lots of women are keeping their names, hyphenating names is stupid, it's too long.
I'd say, either take his name, or he can take your's (Why not? Why does the woman always have to conform? This is the new millenium!!), or keep your own.

Answer 9

I never changed my last name. I even got pregant after I got married and gave my baby girl my last name and not my husband's. That's because I was his second wife and he had already had 7 kids by his 1st wife. So I figure his side of the family had enough people carrying his name and my family was small and I wanted to keep my family name going on, so I gave my baby girl my last name. I know it's selfish but I don't care! We're now divorced anyway.

Answer 10

I changed it. It's a personal choice, but I just like the idea of us all having the same last name as a family. I liked my maiden name, but it really wasn't a big deal to change it.