how do i prove to my mom that im not a screw up ?

Question

lately i have been messing my life up a little more ive gotten high, cut myself and then got drunk and ahd sex with one of my on and off friends...i know this is messed up stuff to do but im not a total mess up she cant trust what can i do to prover that to her and that im still someone she can be proud of?

Answer 1

Talk..talk..and talk some more. You have to get whatever is bothering you out in the open to your Mom, sometimes us Moms don't want to hear our offspring have done some of the things you wrote here, but we HAVE to hear it. Do things with your Mom, help her to understand you are worthy of her time and patience. If you hurt yourself, you also hurt you Mom, tell her you don't want to hurt her any more.

Answer 2

Your mom, sounds like she is a pretty awesome mom. I would almost guarantee, that she actually does love you and she is proud of you. Ok maybe she isn't wild about the choices you've been making and maybe those choices have cost you a little trust. The good news is you can earn back her respect and build up the trust level again. Simply by making good choices for you. Ok not that simply. Your mom wants what is best for you, believe it or not. She could be your best ally. Talk to her about your life, share some of the things you are going through. She might surprise you. You sound like you could do with an ally. Believe it or not she's already got your back. She doesn't need proof that your not a screw up, she needs to know you're ok.

God bless

Answer 3

I had a teenager that was doing a lot of the same things that you have described, she was failing in school, drinking, drugging and so on. She was a wild party child and I tried everything to get her to change but nothing worked. She is now going on 20, but I am very proud of her, even though she got pregnant she completed 3 years of High school in one year, with nothing lower then a B while she was pregnant and she is a GREAT mom. I tell her that I am proud of her all of the time, it will take a while, I am sure you did not start doing these things over night, so your mom will not trust you over night. One thing you need to remember is that as a parent you want to see your child succeed and you will always want to protect them, even though my daughter is no longer living with me I still will do everything that I can to protect her and my granddaughter.

Answer 4

You can say as much as you want to your mom but being a mom myself that's not going to make a difference. If this has been something you have been doing for a while, talking is just not going to cut it anymore.

Your actions well speak so much louder then words. You need to show her with the things that you do.

The fact that your cutting yourself is what worries me, that tells me that you have a lot on your mind that your not getting out. You really need to talk to someone about that.

There is a great deal of places that you can call, and go to, to help you with that. Take care of yourself and your mom will see for herself that your growing up and not messing up.

I hope everything works out for you.

Answer 5

u cant change overnight and same goes with trust. it will happen but it will take time. the question is are you willing to stop all those things you've used to do and do a makeover. if your mum see's you right now she will feel proud of you cause even though u screw up, you are still working a way to make her proud of you. parents all over the world is the same. what they want from their children is for them to be happy. sometimes we children when hearing advice from our parents its like a major nagging and we cant wait to get a way from them. at times like this our parents will always pray and hope that if we cant listen to them then hopefully there's some one out there that will guide their children. so honey i'm sure ur mum is glad that ur 'coming home'. all the best to you

Answer 6

This will take time. You have to earn her respect. If my child did all that, it would take time. You have to clean up your act. If that means therapy, then so be it. I have 5 children and if one was into drugs or whatever, I would cut that one out. I'm sorry, but this one who never listened would not ruin the rest of my family. That sounds very hard, but I will protect my family. You have to get better friends, improve you school work, or if you're not in school, go back. Get some direction in your life. Once she sees you are taking some positive steps, then she will come to trust you. Good luck.

Answer 7

Stop getting high. Stop cutting yourself. Stop getting drunk, Stop having sex. Start to behave responsibly. Do your homework, go to bed at a reasonable hour, get some responsible friends, clean your room, help out around the house. It's going to take a while, but she'll (slowly) start to trust you once you show yourself to be trustworthy. That doesn't happen overnight.

Answer 8

You want to prove to her that your not a screw up, then quite getting high, quit cutting yourself, quit getting drunk, and abstain from sex till your married.

That's why she feels that your a screw up. And she's embarassed by you. If my kids did that I wouldn't be proud of them for it. I would feel the same way your mother does. You need to straighten your life up and get away from all those negative influences.

You want mom to be proud of you, give her reson to be proud of you.

Also I think you need to see a councelor or therapist.

But the biggest thing I can think of, get rid of the neagative influences in your life.

Answer 9

It may take many months to a year of sustained responsible behavior. You know what you need to do, the question is WHY would you want to live a good responsible life? If you don't do it for yourself and your own ability to respect yourself, it will be too hard to do it for Mom. All she wants is for you to be safe on your own, and happy - not perfect. I bet you want that too. Good for you that you even asked the question. You ARE a good person.

Answer 10

1. Believe this, because it's the truth: You are not your mistakes. A good parent will always see something to be proud of in their child. Instead of focusing on the things you feel you're doing wrong, try to build on what IS working in your life. (Some possibilities: being a caring friend, music, hobbies, work, art, writing, sports, dance, cooking, babysitting, science--it could be anything as long as it makes you feel good about yourself.)
2. Be kind to yourself. Everybody makes mistakes, including your parents. Instead of judging yourself, which only makes it harder to change, be a detective. Ask yourself, "What is my behavior trying to tell me?" People don't just do things they're not proud of for no reason. These behaviors may be expressing something you don't know how to say out loud. Look at the timeline. What else happened in your life around the time you started increasing these behaviors? Talking to a counselor about it might help.
3. Trust your subconscious logic. All our behaviors, even the "bad" ones, do something for us. What have these activities done for you? How could you meet those same needs in ways that don't make you feel bad about yourself? Brainstorm about it. Write a poem, draw a picture, whatever helps you access that deeper knowledge inside yourself.
4. Be aware that all the behaviors you listed increase feel-good chemicals in your brain (including sex and cutting), which can make them harder to resist. You may be unconsciously self-medicating if you are depressed, which is yet another reason not to judge yourself too harshly for your choices.
5. Learn whatever you can about habit change and overcoming addictions. Instead of trying NOT to do “bad” things, try replacing them with “good” things. Scientists now know that every time you choose a particular behavior, you are actually re-wiring your brain in ways that make it easier to repeat that same behavior in the future. That’s why it’s so hard to break old habits. On a positive note, it also means that every single time you make a better choice, you’re making it easier and easier to live in a way you are proud of. Even if you continue to “mess up” sometimes, overall you will still be a success because you will be working toward the day that the old behaviors no longer have such a hold on you.
6. As someone who has battled self-injury myself, I urge you to research cutting, and get professional help dealing with it if at all possible. I hope it will help you to know that people who cut tend to have issues going on in their families that actually foster the cutting. (Ironically, it’s often the case that our families shape the very behaviors they may feel disappointed in us for.) I hope that rather than seeing yourself as someone flawed who must change in order to be acceptable to your mother, that you will try to remember that you have good and less-good qualities, just like everyone else in your family. Just focus on gently and patiently moving in a direction that makes you feel better about yourself. And never, ever, let anyone label you in a way that diminishes your sense of self (that includes you!).
7. Finally, know that you are worthy of love no matter what. I’ve never met you, but I am proud of you for having the courage to examine your life and try to improve it. I wish you all the best in your journey.