Is a separation good for your marriage?

Question

My wife wants me to move out for a while. She would like us to be apart so I can work on some of the issues I've been trying to deal with in my life. She says she can't love me the way I am anymore because I keep letting her down and by not being supportive enough. I lover her dearly and think she's the most awesome person I've ever known. I want our marriage to work out because of that and because we have two awesome teenage boys. Is the separation a way for her to tell me that she's not willing to work things out? She keeps saying, "let's take this step and just see what happens". I feel that she's hoping that once I get out on my own that I'll quit loving her or something. I do know that I've been in the wrong and everything she's been telling me is true. I am working with a counselor and now realize that I need a change in order to be happy with myself. I just hope it's not too late, I can't stand the thought of loosing her and the 15+ years we've had together.

Answer 1

Living apart seems to go against everything that marriage is suppose to be. And it will have a very negative impact on the children. When you plan to "see what happens" it usually means you're not committed to the outcome- letting the chips fall where they may is absolving yourself from any responsibility.
"Let's see what happens" is the opposite of "Let's make it happen".

Answer 2

Well, I think is about 90% of separations do not end with the couple remaining together. If you separate, most likely that will be it. Over, Done, Kaput.

Also, you two have been married from some time for her to finally decide you have too many problems. Unless you are an alcoholic or abusive to her, why isn't she standing by you and supporting you through the issues you have. Sounds pretty selfish to me.

Marriages don't end solely at the fault of one person. Both people failed at some part of the relationship. If she has known you have these "problems", she should be supportive of you.

But, most separations end in divorce, not reconciliation.

Answer 3

Separations are seldom good for marraige but excellent for divorce. Married couples are not two people with individual problems. Marriage is a combining of two people into one entity; therefore, there aren't individual problems. It has been my experience that when one party in a marriage suggests a "trial separation" or time alone, they are only looking for an easy step out of the marriage. Perhaps not divorce but permission to explore things outside the bondaries of marriage. Counselling might be a better option if both parties want to save the marriage. Remember: It takes two to be married and only one to make a divorce. Best of luck to you.

Answer 4

I am currently separated from my husband, and we see each other all the time. We are trying to work things out. We have been separated for 8 months now, and he is just now starting to show that he cares to save our marriage. I have no idea if it's gonna last or not, but as long as u work together, it is very possible that u can be together again. Just don't go to long without seeing each other, or one or the other will feel that the other is not trying to save the marriage. Is she willing to try a marriage counselor?

Answer 5

Well if your seeing a counselor why would she want you to leave? your already making a change. Seperation is better than a divorce. But why seperate when you can share a room with one of the boys?
why not get into some outdoor activities to stay more away from the home and then maybe she will realize that there is really no need to split. Communication is the key to a long happy marriage

Answer 6

A separation is the road to divorce. Seek marriage counseling before moving out. Also, from a legal aspect she can say you left the house when filing for divorce.

You need to talk with your spouse and ask her if she wants to work things out or get a divorce. Do not leave the house, it is "not healthy" for the marriage.

Good luck.

Answer 7

My personal opinion is I have never seen a couple get back together and work things out after the so called "trial" separation. I feel it's simply them trying to get you out in hopes you'll be the one who doesn't want to come back, or to prove they were right in not needing you around. My wife told me at a point when we were having serious issues the same thing, my response was lets go thru with the divorce then, I'm not going to waste yours or my time, that woke her up enough and we worked things out as a couple, not as singles.

Answer 8

The separation is good for bringing your marriage to an end. Sounds like your wife is not that interested in staying with you anymore, sorry.

Answer 9

A couple I am friends with is going through this. She is moving out and telling him that it is temporary. She is telling me that she wants to meet someone else. Of course, I told him, having been the idiot like he was with no one telling e the truth for too long. The sooner you let her go, the better.
If you really want her to come back, the only method that you can try, which I didn't, was not letteing her see the kids for the first month that she is away. Your kids are teenagers so you can actuallt tell them that is what you are doing and why. I wasn't that smart but it makes her very lonely. If she has the teenagers, she has company and still feels like a responsible adult.

Answer 10

99% of the time separation is the first step to divorce. Your wife wants out. I will bet she already has options waiting and wants you out of the picture. If you want to save your marriage, continue to see the couselor, but STAY in the house in a separate bedroom.