He says I pushed him into it as I was asking him where he was going; what time he would be home; searching his mobile etc. I have suspected for a while and when I have confronted him he has always found an excuse to make it sound OK, but this time he admitted it. He had been seeing this female for over a year, she is now pregnant but she has now broken off the relationship.
I still love him and don't want to bring our 4 week old daughter up on my own, should I try and work it out or kick him out?
2007-01-29 05:58:43 · 40 answers · asked by Lynn J 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Are you prepared to babysit that child and often care for it as if it is your own? If not, move on whil ethe kid and you are young enough to find someone else.
2007-01-29 06:02:48 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 2⤊ 0⤋
No-one can make decision like this for you. However I do note that he says it is all your fault. Is it like this in other areas of you relationship? Did he say sorry? Did he accept that what he did was totally selfish and has upset 4 lives ( I'm not counting him), or is he excused from all responsibility? Everyone makes mistakes. It takes a really big man to admit it. Seriously though at the moment your hormones are all over the place and it's probably the worst time to make a decision. Hold a watching brief, see how he behaves, if he's off out with his mates rather than at home with his family then you have your answer. It would be easier to cope later if your baby isn't too attached to him. Coping with a waste of space husband is harder than being a single parent. I hope he is sorry and gets his act together. Congratulations on being a mum, and the very best of luck.
2007-01-29 06:32:43 · answer #2 · answered by chewystuff 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Although he finally admitted to cheating, I still don't sense that he is truly remorseful because he is telling you that you pushed him into it. That is BS. Regardless of what is going on at home, he is supposed to be responsible for his own actions. I would have said if you all get counseling and he is TRULY REMORSEFUL for what has happened, then try to work it out. But because this other lady is pregnant, that opens up a whole nother can of worms. That is going to be more than you can handle. If it were me, I would get out now. Don't worry about raising your daughter on your own. You will do whatever you have to do in order to survive. It doesn't sound like he's being much of a help anyway. What good is his presence if he isn't going to be faithful? I know it's easier said than done, but everyone deserves to be happy. There is some guy out there who can be with you and only you, and will take care of you and daughter. Good Luck!
2007-01-29 06:56:10 · answer #3 · answered by Hoping he will bless me with #1 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all no one pushes someone into doing something
as he is a man and he cheated because he wanted to.
Since you are husband and wife forgiveness has to be
taken into account as the vows state for better or worse.
You will need to be prepared to accept the fact that this
child by another woman , that is also your husband's will
probably be in your life now. If he is a good father he
will want it to be that way in one way or another, and
since you both also have a child he needs to prove to you
that you are his number one priority in life as now he
has 3 number one priorities in life being a man, that is
you and your child and now his other child. If you can
accept that and he proves to you that the past is the past
then it's best to stay on with the relationship, However if
you find it makes you un-happy because of what happen-
ed then you need to think what is best for your child and
go from there. Ultimately you are the one who is going to
have to make the decision but if your husband proves to
you that it was a mistake and he will be totally committed
to you from now on and take care of his responsibilites
to his children then that should help you make the right
decision. Good luck.
2007-01-29 13:14:39 · answer #4 · answered by RudiA 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Kick him out, as a cheater will always be a cheater. I presume you dont want to go thru this madness again? That does not mean you should keep him away from your daughter as any child deserves the right to bond with both parents (unless they are abusive etc). But really honey, this man is no good. And it is not that he has only had nooky once. he has been seeing her for a YEAR!
I think, if you take him back, the element of distrust will always remain. It will always stand in between you two and eventually it will poison your relationship until a point it gets messy.
all the best!
2007-01-29 06:07:03 · answer #5 · answered by MM 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
Did u ask him if he has real feelings for this other women and is he excited about her baby. how does he feel about your marriage does he want it to work or not? If he does want the marriage to work I would tell him that I want to meet this girl and make sure that she knows that it's over between the 2 of them then I would consider trusting him again. Some men want to Carry on more than 1 relationship and considering that he's gotten her pregnant while u were pregnant can really say something about him. Marital counseling may help also see if he agree. Good Luck!!!!!!!
2007-01-29 06:10:54 · answer #6 · answered by sweet p 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Ok, asking him about where he was going, and when he would be home, that to me if my wife asks me those questions wouldn't push me to cheat, she just wants to know where I'm going and when I'm gonna be home.
If he got upset with those, it's pretty obvious that he was trying to hide something. Alot of times I usually call home to let my wife know I'm coming home from work. Just so she knows I'm on the way home. I do it as a form of trust. Not because I don't feel she doesn't believe me, but just so that she knows I'm coming home, and if I am going to stop anywhere on the way home, I let her know that too. It's being accountable.
But I think it's really sad that after having a baby with you, and now he's got another woman pregnant. He better be ready to pay some child support, and I don't blame her for breaking off their relationship. But if he honestly, truely loved you, he would NEVER have gone outside the marriage for sex.
Again, I'm sorry. But if he's willing to work on making the marriage work, I think you can work it out, but I would suggest that you BOTH go to marriage counceling.
2007-01-29 06:17:15 · answer #7 · answered by Bryan M 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You must be going out of your mind.I feel so sorry for you.If you love your husband and if you can forgive him then stay with him.However there is the other baby and this will be a constant reminder of his unfaithfulness!If you can find it in your heart to except the child into your immediate family (i meen as your daughters half brother/sister) then give it a go.Your husband is now responsible for another child...that is not yours just his and his mistresses Im so sorry i dont meen to seem harsh and thoughtless with this comment,Im being brutaly honest.Can you handle the fact that this child is now a part of your life.Its really hard to watch the man you love caring for his and another womens child the betrayal eats you up inside and breaks your heart into a million peices.You must remind yourself that Its not the childs fault.Its a really confusing place to be in.I wish you strength and happiness in your life.Be strong.
2007-01-29 08:00:11 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well what you have to ask yourself is can you trust him again and if you can or you could learn to then you should give it another try.But at the same time maybe you should have some time on your own,just you and your daughter ,to see how you feel.But at the end of the day only you can answer the all important question,if you can trust him again.Good luck and i hope you sort it out and just do what ever you feel best.
2007-01-29 06:52:24 · answer #9 · answered by alithebimbo 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would not suggest leaving but in this case please do! You must not accept responsibility for him screwing someone else, it was his own personal choice! Go file for divorce on grounds of him cheating, get child support, and work out a custody arrangement that suits your needs.
Not to be a smart *** but on the other hand, you can continue to be with him and worry about sharing him with other women. Continue on to be suspious, check his cell phone, wonder where he is, and what he was doing.Believe me this is going to drive you crazy!
Just be glad you got a baby out of the situation, next he may leave you all together or worse bring you herpes, or AIDS.
As far as your 4 week old, move closer to to your family for a support network. Perhaps get out and date and marry another man who would love to be a father to your daughter. I have been in this situation , and in love and pregnate, looking back I wish I had left and not looked back.
2007-01-29 06:25:36 · answer #10 · answered by nene 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I think you know what you should do. Not only did he betray you and your marriage, but he's trying to blame you too! It may not be easy to kick him out and I admit, that's a really hard situation for you having a newborn and all, I feel for ya hun, but you're going to spare yourself more years of misery if you cut your losses now. I would recommend either getting professional support or at least go to your family. You shouldn't deal with this alone, but you certainly need to deal with it.
2007-01-29 21:24:57 · answer #11 · answered by Ms. M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋