My mother and I have never really gotten along, she kicked my brother and I out a long time ago to be with this loser. Any ways they have since broken up, and we have started to kind of "get along", but she moved into an apartment just down the road from me, and never stops calling me to do stuff, and if I am busy (i have a 2 year old) she gives me a guilt trip, and is always saying she is lonely, even if i am taking my truck in for an oil change she wants to come,what do you think an I being mean or is it wrong for her to expect me to be her constant companion after the way she treated me in the past??
2007-01-29 05:57:02 · 13 answers · asked by Stuck in the middle of nowhere 7 in Family & Relationships ➔ Friends
I''m married as well and everytime my husband and I are going somewhere, even Wal-Mart she wants to come too!! He can't stand her because of the way she treated me
2007-01-29 06:05:56 · update #1
Well, first off, don't tell her when you go get the oil changed and go to walmart etc. Start drawing some boundaries that you are comfortable with. Don't always be available when she calls, start slowing down your return phone calls etc. However, be sure that you also take the initiative. Call her up specifically to ask her to do something, say, to grab a sandwich at subway and take toddler to the park. That way, it has a beginning and end, drop her back off at her place. She can't very well complain that you aren't spending time or making an effort. The guilty feeling is OK, you just have to learn to live with it, as long as you are doing something to nurture the relationship, say once a week, you should be able to handle the rest of the time when you are enforcing your boundaries. Don't go cold turkey either, gradually build up/or draw back (better wording) your time with her. Good Luck, you are being a good person, just don't be a door mat.
2007-01-29 06:15:13 · answer #1 · answered by reddevilbloodymary 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you need to sit her down and talk to her. Tell you you can't be with her every second of every day. Don't let her make you feel guilty because you have a life. You have a family to take care of and you can't be expected to take care of her too. Maybe you can make a scheduled day with her once a week.
2007-01-29 14:15:12 · answer #2 · answered by Jodi C 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I've always been told that a mama and daughter should be close, but that's not with me either because my mama is hard to get along with most of the time. Parents say that a child never gets too grown under their roof, that is my life category. You are not under her roof, so she needs to realize that you have your own home and responsibilities.
2007-01-29 14:09:25 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dysfunctional people have no idea about boundaries. Set your limits, and try to stick to them...eventually she will get it. Sometimes, I don't answer my phone. Whenever I help my brother out with something, he ends up asking me for more and more and more. I feel like I can't ever say yes to him, because it brings him inside my boundaries. Decide to yourself how much help you can comfortably give, and how much help you can decide not to give and still live with yourself.
Do you know your own boundaries?
Or are you adding to the problem by giving her permission to walk all over you?
2007-01-29 14:05:25 · answer #4 · answered by partout250 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it is DEFINATELY wrong for her to expect you to drop everything in YOUR life {{{that she *obviously* wanted little to no part in if she dumped her family for some guy}}} to spend time with her, or to do things FOR HER. You needn't feel guilty, it is abnormal that she can just expect you to forget the way you were treated when you were young. DON'T FEEL BAD, don't give in to her. Stay strong, and be with the family you now have {{your two year old, and brother}}!!!!!!!! ^_^
2007-01-29 14:02:39 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She obviously either feels bad or wants something from you. Just tolerate her for about a month, and if the behavior doesn't die down talk to her about it. Tell her you love her but you really need some space.
2007-01-29 14:01:15 · answer #6 · answered by retooser 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no your not mean you have a right to both be mad at her and to have your freedom. Plus you have a life without her she needs to realize that and not expect you and her to be together 24/ 7
2007-01-29 14:02:20 · answer #7 · answered by punkrockerchick_89 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Easy fix. Next time you need some alone time and she needs company. Give her your 2 yr old. Enjoy!
2007-01-29 14:02:20 · answer #8 · answered by Richard Bricker 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your Mom sounds lonely, got any hot pics of her
2007-01-29 14:14:58 · answer #9 · answered by Skinnymark 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Repair your relationship with your mother, you only have one mom
2007-01-29 14:07:04 · answer #10 · answered by mingcrew 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋