how can i forgive my wife?

Question

i have been a bad husband and putting my through hell with my temper and she has been scared of me for a while so she had an affair slthough i never hurt my wife im gonna get help and we are gonna try but i love her so much that im crying while i type we goona go to a counselor and see what happens she said she wanted to try but all i keep thinking asbout is this other guy ......i do forgive her for what she did and it was probably because of me ....i love my wife more than anything in the world and i just wanna forget what she did ....please if someone has some help for me this is tearing me apart and makin me wanna hurt myself for what i did someone out there please help me i dont wanna lose my wife i love her so much

Answer 1

Hey, i know how you feel. But you know, it takes a lifetime to forget, yet only a moment to forgive. I dont know how spiritual you are, but i think you need to get down on your knees and ask God to give you the strength to forgive your wife.You'l see, a load will be lifted off your shoulders. If there's one thing you learn tonight, let it be this...Holding a grudge or not forgiving someone is like drinking poison and expecting that person to die...You cant blame eachother right now, you're both wrong and you both need to accept it and acknowledge it. Once you've accepted it, you must talk about it and just offer a little more security to eachother. There's nothing better than a man and a woman making up, forgiving each other and moving on, knowing you'l trust each other again and things will be fine.I pray that the Lord would guide you both, may He give you the strength to endure hardships and may He see you through this patch of darkness.

Answer 2

As mentioned above, it is a process, which will take time. Healing takes time, one little step at a time. If you both keep going forward, instead of focusing on the past and only YOUR feelings, you'll never get past this.

The best way to approach your situation is putting it in an entire differnt light from the way You've been looking at it. That's a HUGE change, because all of your life's events have brought you to where you are now. You are programed to feel this way. You can change that though.

Try to step back and look at the actions of the both of you, maybe picturing other people in your places. Try to understand from another perspective, looking through a different 'lens'.

The more you give, the more you'll get. But giving in LOVE, is a true gift that dosn't expect a return.

Answer 3

Adultry is unforgivable. She will cheat again, and will use the excuse of (well I assumed you would start acting crazy again, so I went ahead and had another affair). I forgave my wife for an affair she had in 2004. Went to counceling and agreed to devote more of my time to her, away from work. Did that, but as soon as I gave her some more rope and allowed her to go out with her girlfriends, she hooked up with another guy in 2006. I filed for divorce and will end up paying the Bit_ _ $1100 a month for child support even though we have joint custody 50/50. The courts suck! So does marriage. 13 years married and she acts like a HO!

You don't need a woman in your life, that ONE. Makes you as mad as she does. and that TWO, can go to bed with another man, knowing how bad it would tear you up.

Adultry should be a CAPITAL CRIME, 25 to life! Because even though no one actually got murdered, she killed your heart! Sometimes death seems so much better than the pain adultry causes.

LEAVE HER!

Answer 4

It sounds like you are doing the right thing with the counseling.. however, I think you should go to couples counseling and also counseling just for yourself. That way you can understand why you are feeling the way you do and make a change for the better. A counselor can also teach you how to get passed it. It sounds like this is all pretty fresh still too. You can forgive her but the forgetting part is always a little harder.

Answer 5

First off let me say that I can't feel sorry for you...You openly admit to abusing her(maybe not physically), I feel that if you both want to continue in this marriage that you will need the counseling. I also think you need to understand that she will probably not be able to forget about the way she was treated, as you won't be able to forget about the affair. There is no longer trust in the relationship and that is a hard thing to gain back once you've lost it. Good luck.....you're gonna need it. It's a long road to redemption...

Answer 6

If the thought of losing your wife hurts you that bad, make a decision whether to forgive and forget OR don't. If you choose to forgive her, put it behind you, really behind you. It can never be brought up again and you have to forget it if it's ever going to work out. For whatever reason she choose to cheat, if you feel the reason was you, change what it was that started this and learn to appreciate her. Living with someone who has anger management issues IS hell, but if you realize that, there is counseling available to you to help with that, be sincere with your efforts to overcome it. Please remember that to forgive IS to forget and this will always be on the back burner if you don't forever put it behind you.

Answer 7

If you are both willing to work through this then try. I had to go through the same thing with my husband being the one that cheated, it was not easy but it got better. It took a long time to trust him again but I do. I also make it a point not to throw it in his face what happened, it would only open old wounds for no reason but to start a fight. Also try therapy for your anger you need to learn how to control it before you can fix the rest.

Answer 8

If you have been a terrible husband to your wife that is your fault but her cheating is not. SHe broke a vow to you, god and everyone who witnessed ya'lls marriage. Yes forgive her but still go counseling to work out the rest of the bugs. The thought of the other guy is never going to go away...sorry. But use the thought of him to benefit you. SHe must have saw something in the other guy to attract her. Maybe she wasn't feeling loved so do the best you can to love on her and show her you need and want her. GOod luck.

Answer 9

This might be a helpful site with some tips, Remember marriage takes 2 people to work it out but if she is unwilling due to the past or due to her own actions - Remember that you realized the lesson to not turn back to your old ways and to appreciate what you have - That was the Lesson, move your life forward with an Open heart - no matter the direction and you will be Ok.

http://www.whispy.com/infidelity_affairs_cheating.htm

Answer 10

You guys gotta decide, is there something worth saving. My wife and I are having our share of troubles but we both make sure we communicate about what's bothering us. You and your wife sound like you need a new start, find something new you can begin with, big or small. Personally you two need to work on your trust issues. She's afraid of you and you are afraid she's gonna cheat on you. If this can be saved, consider renewing your wedding vows, its a perfect new start.