I have a friend who is dealing with a similiar situation. He wants to take care of his mom in his home but his wife wants her in a nursing home. The wife and MIL never really got along. Its getting quite ugly as he feels as if he has to choose. I'm not really sure what advice to give him but I can't help but feel as if maybe the wife is being selfish. Maybe its just me but I think people should take care of their parents in their own home and not put them in a nursing home.
Its not she has Alzhiemers or anything, shes getting old and he wants her to live with him.
Anyone have any advice or opinions?
2007-01-29 04:32:06 · 6 answers · asked by Mkob 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
If his wife and his Mother have never gotten along, NEITHER of them is going to be happy living together, and HE is going to be right in the middle of it. They will ALL be miserable!!
It is not really fair for him to bring his Mother into their home under these circumstances. I am sure that taking care of his Mother would fall on his wife. Even if his Mother is able to take care of herself, having her there would totally upset his wife's entire life. Even women that get along well really have to work hard to share a household and keep the peace. Having a woman in your home who doesn't agree with how you do things is torture!
Unless his Mother is ill or helpless, she doesn't really need to go into a nursing home. There are some wonderful retirement living centers where everyone has their own private apartment, meals and laundry service, etc. are available, transportation for shopping and appointments etc. is available. Some places have libraries, exercise rooms, computer rooms, beauty saloons, and more. Almost all of them have concerts, programs, special events, etc. on site. Prices vary greatly for these places, but almost all of them are the same or less than nursing homes ... and much nicer! Many of these places have a range of service levels from living entirely on one's own to complete nursing home care. She could start wherever she fits on that scale and move into the next level of advanced services as needed. In these type places, even the nursing home environment is usually nicer than average!
2007-01-29 04:53:38 · answer #1 · answered by baeb47 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Can they reach a common ground?
Perhaps they can get Medicaid for the MIL. Medicaid will pay for a home health worker to come everyday, so the MIL can stay at home. Also, many people in this situation build an attachment or guest house so the MIL can be on the premises but not share any actual living quarters with the wife. Perhaps they can convert the basement or garage to be an apartment for the MIL, and have a nurse come everyday.
I don't think it's fair of the wife to not let her MIL live with them, especially if her husband would let her mother live with them if it came to that with the wife's family. But when it comes down to it, I think he must support his wife or the marriage could potentially fall apart. Having an elderly parent to care for, even if both husband and wife want to do it, can be a tremendous strain on the marriage.
2007-01-29 06:27:01 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I feel it is only fair to take your parents in and care for them yourself if at all possible... the wife does seem selfish here... She needs to let her husband do this.... I would not put them in a nursing home if it were me. My mom lives with us now as she is getting up there in years and I would not dream of putting her in a nursing home when we can care for her ourselves and my husband is more then ok with this. For goodness sakes our parents raise and care for us so when they get older and cannot care for themselves it is our place to care for them! This is part of honoring your father and your mother and God will bless you and your lives for it!
2007-01-29 04:47:51 · answer #3 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
it's his wife home too. She's not being selfish, to have someone else live there is a HUGE thing, not just a small little deal. I am on the wife's side.
2007-01-29 05:07:29 · answer #4 · answered by stripedbook 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i agree one should take care of the parents; however, the wife comes first...is it worth it to move the aging parent into your home if it means your marriage will end up in divorce...???
consider carefully
2007-01-29 04:39:06 · answer #5 · answered by sunbun 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Does he have siblings? People should tend to their parents however, when it is between your spouse and the parent a line has to be drawn on both ends.
2007-02-01 21:25:39 · answer #6 · answered by soldierlady226 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋