What's your advice for young marriages?

Question

My boyfriend and I have been going out for a year and 3 months. I'll be 18 tomorrow and he'll be 20 in April. We've been through sooooo much, I can't even tell you. We became fairly good friends for a while before we started going out and we love each other very much. We plan on moving out together next year after he turns 21 and I get at least one year getting my college freshman experience. He's my best friend and the one I turn to for everything. He's proposed twice but we decided to wait and build our relationship. Two nights ago I felt like he was going to again, but he didn't and it was fine. We're getting closer and closer everyday and I would love to marry him. We're still young, but I'd like to know what you think? Anyone who's married young, what's it like?

Thanks :)

Oh, I'm pretty mature for my age. I've handled alot that's come my way, if it helps in your advice giving.

Answer 1

Stick to your plan of waiting until he turns 21 and you go to college for a year, BEFORE you get married, live together for sure. Alot of things can happen, you are still VERY young and growing and changing. Do not hurry and get married... what's meant to be will be, don't rush it though. I think it is great you are so in love, but you are really young, and life may have another plan for you. Sounds like you have a good plan in place. If you feel he is going to propose and you are nervous about it, talk to him about it. Communication is the key to marriage and you need to be able to express your concerns now, it doesn't just come easy when you get married, in fact it is harder. Alot harder. So talking to him about it now will be a good test of your love. If you both want to be more committed, for security or whatever, maybe a promise ring? Maybe old fashion, but alot safer than getting married too young.

Answer 2

Your first mistake is not accepting the marriage proposal. Accepting a marriage proposal it a declaration of an intent. The setting of the wedding day can be 5 years down the road. Perhaps you did not know this. From the time that a marriage is proposed, the male has to start building for the future.

Your time could be used to secure jobs, and finance. The two of you working hand in hand for a brighter future. This is when you will fine out if the male is thinking with his head or his other body parts. Buying a house, and fixing it up can be done. (Living together is a bad idea) Sex before marriage, is a choice but living together is learning too much too fast on both sides.

Swing the conservation back around to the marriage proposal, accept, and start exploring together the possibilities of the future. Make sure that seeds are planted that will anchor your future life (Job planing, House-Home, expectations).

Answer 3

While it is possible to make this work unfortunately it is not likely. No offense but even though you have been through a lot you are still young and will go through more. You both will grow and may find out that you are no longer right for one another. It is really tough to be married at 18 and 19. You are smart to give yourself a year to try college first. I married at 27 but am so glad that I didn't sooner because now I know I would never have been ready for it in my early 20's. Like you I was "in love" in highschool and thought I would marry that boy. While I look back on him fondly I know that it never would have worked between us. I am a completely different person now and I'm sure he is also. My parents were married at 18 and for 20 years but it wasn't happy and they ended up divorcing after all that time. I'm not saying that it definately won't work for you, you never know, but the best advice I can give you is to take care of yourself and live your life with and without him. Don't rush to live together or get married, time will tell if your are truly meant to. Good luck, I know it is hard to not know what will come.

Answer 4

I was married young and divorced young. The problem with marrying young is that neither of you have evolved into the people you will become. During the time of learning and growing many times the couple finds they want to go in different directions. This becomes a large problem. If one follows the other the follower will eventually feel like a victim. Living together and not becoming pregnant is a much better option. After a few years ,if all goes well ,then reexamine the marriage option. My first husband and I remained good friends till his death. I am now in a long term marriage I do not for see ever leaving because I took time to become my true self after my wounds had healed and joy was a constant in my life. Good luck

Answer 5

I would suggest living together for a little while and acting as if you are married, sharing responsiblity and all that. I'm 25 and my husband is 22. We've been married for a year, we dated 5 months before we got married. I guess we were ready to settle down. The first year is tough. It's hard to learn how to be part of a 'WE' and not a 'ME'. That was the toughest for us. Married couples always fight about money, so be prepared for that. My best advice for you is to go with your heart and do what you think is right. But live together for a little while first. And don't threaten divorce on each other when times get tough. I hope this helps you in your decision.

Answer 6

Maturity is good. Maturity allows you to understand that you have not had enough life experience, which comes only through putting time in, to marry.

I married young, I so wish I hadn't. Love has nothing to do with it either. You need to depend upon yourself, rely upon yourself and the decisions you make. Once you marry you will never be able to make another decision just for yourself, because that would be selfish and that is not what marriage is about.

Rethink the whole marriage thing, and the moving in together idea as well. Get your own place, get a room mate if you have to but don't move your boyfriend in just yet, until you live on your own you will never know whether or not you really want to live with someone.

You may find out you like your life, your freedom, and at 18, you don't even know who you are yet. You know who you have been, as a child and teen (maturity aside), you have no idea who you are as an adult and you need to give yourself time to find out.

Just FYI, every person who has ever turned 21 has been through a lot in their life. We all think we have been through so much more than other people our age, but it isn't true, we are just so focused on ourselves we don't take the time to find out what other people have gone through.

Give yourself time. Or, move in with your boyfriend and lose your youth, your freedom, and the ability to develop a personality of your own.

Answer 7

Wow...I would NEVER suggest that anyone get married at 18. Why? Because most people haven't found their true love at this age. And trust me it can take a while...also you haven't lived or experienced much. I am not suggesting sleeping around for 10 years then get married, but things have changed a lot and I just don't think most people today are ready for marriage at such a young age. And what appeals to you at 18 will more than likely diminish as you get older...For instance, there were things that I liked at 18 and 19 that I literally find disgusting in my 30s.

Answer 8

Just make sure you know its the right thing. I have found that young couples I know that marry so young, feel they missed out on life as they get older, they were only w/ one person, they didnt experience life, they don't know if they truly love someone or not because they know nothing but that person's love. I dont know a lot of young couples whose marriage lasted but that doesnt mean yours wont. If the person you are w/ is the person you would die for, do anything for, love more than life itself, then you are w/ the right person. It took me 30 years to find the love of my life and I made a lot of mistakes early on. I applaude your williness to wait, it does show maturity. Also, college is important. Make sure before you say I DO, you have a job and security. Fiances can be something that come between two people very fast. Good luck to you. Email me if you ever need to talk!!

Answer 9

I was married at 19 (it's going on 6 yrs now) and the only thing I can say is dating is not like marriage. I've know a lot of people that loved each other to no end got married and it was like who is this person....I've told friends that if you're dating someone and you move in with that person it's work now times that by 100 and you have marriage. something happens when you say I do it's just different not always bad but there will be days when you want to hurt your spouse lol.

Answer 10

My top 10 rules for working marriages.

(This is not to imply that these apply to everyone. And everything that is involved in the breakdown in my own marriage can be related to not following one or more entries on this list by either my wife, or myself.)

1. Open and honest communication between you both.
2. Unwavering trust in each other.
3. Unconditional love. (this is the most important IMHO, the love of each other without the desire to change each other)
4. Good Sex or lovemaking or F*cking, however you want to phrase it. It's important and don't let anyone tell you differently.
5. Reliability on each other. Be reliable to him and vice versa. You'll need each other to lean on from time to time.
6. Faithfulness. No cheating ever. And if the urge to do so hits, see rule #1.
7. Compromise.
8. Respect.
9. Income. This may sound frivolous or materialistic of me, but so what. It's true. If you try to survive off the fruits of love, you will starve. Love doesn't put food on the table or make the mortgage payment.
10. Faith. Not in God, but in each other, in your love.

That's what I think anyways. I wish you both the best.