My girlfriend has a bestfriend of 7 yrs whom she actually use to date & be in love with in 2004. After they broke up (not a good break up), there friendship was rocky and never truly grew to its full past potential. A yr ago, she moved 3000 miles away to come live with me. Ever since that move, the friendship between her & this friend has declined even more. My girlfriend has recently expressed to me that she feels guitly for the friendship gone bad because they use to be so close. She almost feels as if she abandoned her. BUT she willingly admits that the friendship was a little unhealthy and very draining.
So i have a few questions actually. I can sympathize with the loss of a friendship, but i feel as if she is beating herself up unnescessarily. Am i wrong for this? Is it normal for her to feel guilty about this friendship or is this a little deeper? Meaning, does a little of this have to do with the fact that they used to be in love with eachother as well?
2007-01-29 04:14:38 · 3 answers · asked by Raynebow_Diva 6 in Society & Culture ➔ Cultures & Groups ➔ Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender
You are not wrong.
Some people have friendships and relationships that are out of balance. They do not enjoy an even give and take and these friendships/relationships are very draining.
Your girlfriend put herself in the role of therapist/counselor/savior to her friend. It sounds like your girlfriend either needed to be in this role for some reason or just got sucked into it by a needy person. And when I say needy I mean it could be a submissive needy person or a dominating demanding needy person.
Either way they take more than they give and they drain their companions and lovers.
There is nothing anyone else can do to fill the void for these people.
The best thing your girlfriend could have done for herself is move so far away.
She needs to understand that not all friendships last forever. And the fact that she seems to recognize that her friendship with this person was not equal and mutually nurturing.
It's best to leave it in the past.
Your girlfriend needs to realize that she was a good friend to her ex but it is over now and it's time to let it go.
I'm not sure if it has to do with whether they were in love before. Sometimes people just push those emotional buttons in each other that trigger unhealthy/co-dependent behavior. She has to recognize these triggers and stop reacting to them.
Even if her ex calls and wants to reintiate their friendship she can say in as kind a way as possible that their friendship wasn't healthy even when it was platonic she so will have to let their relationship be a thing in her past and not her present.
It's mentally/emtionally heathy thing to do. And there is no guilt that need be involved.
2007-01-29 04:58:33 · answer #1 · answered by octopussy 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I wanted to answer this to the best I can but it's too long, sorry but my friend soon to be gf is in a similar relationship and yes, I can see and she has told me that (she's trying to break it off) she will feel guilty if she does not break this relationship off in good terms, she said that yeah she would like to remain friends w/ them but there is no telling because the way that they act??? But she has told me that she has to do this the right way, her way, that she didn't want any pressure from me because other past relationships she had didn't end good and she really felt bad about this and did not want it to keep going on like this. She wants her mind at ease and it basically to be no hard feelings. So I respect her wishes and I see where she's coming from and I do know that they have good times that they spend together but most of those times are not the best. Bye the way they started as good friends also then dated (and I told her from the beginning to watch out) but it became rocky from there. And truthfully she don't want to hurt them even though they hurt her but that is just the kind of person she is ...kind hearted.
2007-01-29 12:45:16 · answer #2 · answered by Noclue 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The ending of a friendship is bound to be a painful thing to anyone, if it was a real fridnship. So yes that is normal. The whole guilt thing, im not too sure about. Has your girlfriend wronged her bestfriend in anyway? If not, then there's no need for her to feel guilty. That mite be a bit of the unhealthiness between them. The whole guilt complex is a ****** to overcome.
2007-01-29 12:47:33 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋