For those who are married... I have reached a low point and I don't want him to even touch me...?

Question

Has anyone else been at a point in their marriage when they don't even want their spouse to touch you lest talk to you? You're just so tired of everything and are exasperated with them? What was it like? Did you fix it? How?

Answer 1

HI
9 years and this still happens. I think it is normal but you have to snap yourself out of it. You can control what you do and react but not him, so can you live with it?
Lammy

Answer 2

Yes, I have been at this point. Our husband's don't understand that we are living breathing creatures with needs too. They think that after cooking and cleaning and taking care of the kids, we should still be willing to have sex? NO! They are wrong.
What did I do? Well, I prayed, read some self help books, and sought a therapist. Our husbands are not mind readers, and we don't tell them a lot about what is going on inside of us. He needs to understand why you feel the way you do. Tell him, I am upset because you didn't help me clean up the kitchen. Tell him, I would have appreciated you helping me, and that it isn't only a woman's job. You need to let him know and "train" him to treat you better.
For me, the unthinkable happened. My husband was taken away from me by the government. It has been 5 months, and every week when I call him I tell him how much I love him and that I am sorry for every little stupid spat that we ever had. I realize now, what my life is without him and what he means to me as a husband and father. He will not be able to come back home for 5 more months. I am going to visit him in March when I get my spring break from college.
Look at your life, and look at what it would be without your husband. Think about it real hard and talk to him about how you feel. Make sure he understands and cares about your feelings, don't let him blow you off. Tell him you want to go to marriage counseling. If he doesn't want to, then you may need to rethink your options.

Answer 3

No sex for 12 years. Tried everything to fix it - doctors - nutrition, hormones, counseling, endless talking, not talking, never mentioning sex, never intitiating, plenty of romance, no romance since that is perceived as a prelude to sex, non-sexual touch, platonic hugs, sex-free backrubs, no backrubs, notes, no notes, dates, no dates, blah buh dee f*cking blah. Nothing works.

So i got so exasperated I just didn't even want to talk to her any more. I mean about personal stuff. I refused to even shower in the master bath because she loves to walk in on me and honey if you aren't going to have sex with me there's no way you're seeing me naked.

But she acts like there is nothing wrong, like this huge elephant is not standing in the room. She'll ask, "What's the matter?" if a love scene comes on in a movie and I change the channel, or "Why are you taking a shower down the hall?" all innocent and moon-eyed. As Bernie Mac would say, "Like you dont know what the f*ck is wrong."

There is NO FIXING IT unless BOTH people want to work on it. As the last counselor said, "You can't feed someone who doesn't want to eat. Especially when they don't even think they are hungry, let alone starving."

I view it like anorexia - they have this image that is completely wrong and there's no way you can convince them otherwise. A few of them wake up but most die of starvation.

Answer 4

Yes, I've been there and it's a bad place to be in a marriage. You need to decide now if it is worth trying to fix. If so, get some counseling together and try to work things out. I think you probably have a lot of unresolved issues that are causing you to feel resentment towards your partner. An open line of communication is what you 2 need to get back on the right track. If both people are willing to work on it and open up to eacvh other, this can be worked out. I wish you well.

Answer 5

After 12 years, I realized he and I just weren't on the same page anymore... so I walked out of the marriage. It was quite a mess at first because everyone thought I was crazy for leaving such a great guy. I took a lot of flack. But, now, I realize I did the right thing, or I would still be there with him..... and would be miserable. Life is just to short to be in that state of mind. When you reach a point so low that you can't stand the thought of just one more day in that relationship, then it is time to move on. But, in your heart, only you can know when and if that low point ever comes.

Answer 6

I feel the same way lately. He can be really mean and stupid and when he gets drunk it just gets worse for a couple days. I don't know how to fix it. Lately I just try to keep my mouth shut and go with things, because if I don't he has the tendecy to curse at me in front of our one year old daughter. I'm pretty sure I'll be leaving in the future if I don't see some changes soon. I don't have a normal marriage. I'm married to a man with drinking and anger issues! So maybe your situation is a little less serious than mine, but I've only slept with my husband once since November. I can't bring myself to even do that. I mean really, how could you sleep with someone (even if it's your husband) if you don't feel like they respect you?

Answer 7

Yeah I've been at this point and currently reside here. The sex is the funny part. It last about 1 minute (if I'm lucky) and I absolutely get nothing out of it. Not even 4 play. It's amazing I even participate anymore. I just wrote him an e-mail about us not communicating, but it's not like him to respond. I guess that's just how marriage is, cross your fingers and pray for the best and hope to God he'll give it to you eventually.

Answer 8

I think that from time to time that all marriages, on both sides, have this feeling. For me, it was right after our baby arrived and I could not stand him. I set myself down one day to really figure out why, which turned out to be that I resented him for not helping and I felt like I never got out of the house, where he was able to go work everyday, then of course, he would come home and expect me to feel like the sexiest woman in the world regardless of missing a shower and baby spit up on me. I finally told him how I was feeling and now we both make sure that I get time alone to do whatever I want. It rejuvenates me and has made things better for the whole family. This problem is not something where you wake up one day and it is there, it has built up and basically comes from a lack of communication. Figure out where this is truly coming from and try to work it out with your spouse. It is not easy, but worth it.

Answer 9

Of course this happens to married people. Just remember that nobody controls your thoughts or emotions, that's all up to you and your mind. If at all possible try doing something out of the ordinary, something very thoughtful and caring, greeting him at the door with some wine and having snacks ready and just unwind together. Have a simple dinner planned and just enjoy the time together.

Answer 10

You've got to decide that your marriage is worth saving. You have to look at yourself and see if it's him that you don't want touching you or if you don't feel you're worthy of being touched.

We were on the verge of filing for divorce. What changed was my way of thinking. And that came through accepting Jesus Christ as my Lord. That meant I had to forgive her for everything that I held against her. I had to ask for her forgiveness of what I had done wrong. And I had to learn to forgive myself.

When I found it difficult to love (a noun meaning an emotion) her as I thought I should, I had to love (a verb meaning action) her in every way possible. Listening, serving, committing myself to saving our relationship. It's not easy but, it's a great way to start.

Answer 11

with my first marriage yes, he drank way to much and it got bad but he just would not see the problem. i did not have the strength to fight it anymore after 4 years, so divorce, now even when i have pms and the money is not there and the everyday stresses that there are, i can not think of going through my life with out him.