How do I get my wife to stop calling her ex?

Question

Every time we get into an argument, she calls him and tries to hide it.

Answer 1

leave her she is still wanting him and is not sure how to get out of what she is in to get him back but mark my words first chance and she's gone sorry

Answer 2

Have your wife go to the gym, to exercise class, to a fun class like painting, pottery, or whatever she is interested in so that she meets WOMEN and can find a friend to talk out her problems with. Sit her down and discuss with her why calling the ex is a bad thing. If the tables, were turned, surely she can see that is inappropriate/bad form, yes?

If you trust your wife and know that she just vents to this guy and it will never go farther than that, then you could stop worrying about it so she didn't feel the need to hide it.


I guess the key to all of it is that you cannot really "make" your wife do anything, period and if you try, you will be deeply sorry later when your marriage is scrapped. You can hope to inspire her to change her actions. with love and encouragement and by meeting her needs. Badgering, bullying, threatening, yelling, etc. will all cause more secrets to be held from you and a wider gap between you. I worry that you argue and worry that she hides things from you and worry that you want to manipulate her behavior. So...find out why you are not her best friend, what you need to do to be her soft place to fall, and change the dynamics of your relationship together and the whole issue of the ex goes away anyway. I think the ex is a symptom of a bigger problem, not the actual problem you need to ask about.

Hope you sort it out and are the poster children for a great marriage. Best of luck.

Those are my very narrow-viewed options as I see them.

Answer 3

Well, the first question you have to ask yourself and her is "why does she call him after you argue?", it may be nothing more than they are good friends and she needs to rant, but on the other hand its probably not a good sign that she is going to others (particularly and ex) for emotional support when it should really be YOU that she feels she can confide in.

Sit her down, don't get angry (a good way to stop getting to hot headed is when you feel either one of you is getting out of hand, hop. I know it sounds silly but seriously you cant be angry when your hopping (it works well for me and my partner ;) ) and try and talk the issue through, let her do most of the talking, although you probably have a lot of questions she might feel like your attacking, or accusing her if you quick fire questions at her.
Any questions you do choose to ask try and make sure they are not aggressive and leave room for her to say all she needs to say. For example instead of “Your hiding things from me!? Aren’t you!” ask “why do you feel you need to hide this from me? Its okay, I just want to help…” etc… just see if you can get the full picture before you act further :)

Answer 4

Your wife is being selfish and immature. Marriage is based on love and respect. If your wife respected you, she wouldn't go behind your back and confide your relationship problems with her "ex".

Talk to her, explain how you feel and make it clear to her that your "issues" are between the two of you. If she feels a need to "talk" about the problems, she needs to talk to "you". By running to her "ex", she is only leaving the door open for him and leading him on.

Perhaps some outside counseling could help her work through her "unresolved" feelings.

Best of luck to you both.

Answer 5

Honestly it sounds to me like she is still in love with the Ex, Especially if she is hiding it from you. I dont know how you can get her to stop other then giving her an ultimatum like telling her if she calls him to air the dirty laundry of your relationship then the marriage will be over.

Answer 6

She is your wife and she's still calling her ex and then tries to hide it too, I don't think you will get her to stop it now if she hasn't stopped before ya'll got married.

Answer 7

Most likely she has some issues that she can't talk to you about. Make her understand that she can talk to you about anything and don't be afraid of how you will respond. It sounds like you guys are losing the friendship and she has regained a friend in her ex. Let her know that you are the one and only male friend that she needs.

Answer 8

You should be glad that she is calling her ex, this gives her the prospective of a man. You need to understand that she may of had trouble with the ex, and the ex was right to begin with.

Answer 9

Does she know that you know she is doing this? Make sure she knows that you are certain, and that it hurts your feelings. Why does she run to an ex when she is upset, rather than talking it out with you? Communication is the key to any healthy relationship, and you guys definitely need to talk openly about this!

Answer 10

You need to let your wife know how you feel about her calling the ex. Maybe she does that because she feels that you don't listen to her and she has no one else to talk to.

Answer 11

i think theres more than calling but dont shout and hve an argument with her. tell her if she wants help she can always find you and she have to tr and forget her ex because shes your wife now.