Men what would you do if?

Question

you found out one of the son's you had with your ex-wife turned out not to be yours. Lets say this son is like 13 years old now and you pay her child support for all the kids. What would you say if anything to the ex-wife over her betral?

Answer 1

First off it would do NOTHING to change the way I felt about the child.....after all ANY man can make a child.....but it takes a special man to be a father. Having said that I would let the Ex know....as long as there was proof that the child was indeed not mine, that I did know of her betrayal......but again NOTHING would change between the child and myself and I would hope that he never found out.

Answer 2

Well, biology only goes so far. If I raised the boy as my son, nothing would really change. I would let her live with the fact that she lied to not only me, but the boy as well. I would ensure that the boy understands that I am still Dad, no matter what the DNA says.

Unfortunately, the bio-dad still has rights to the child. That is the way the law works. But, the child being 13 would have a lot of say as to who he wanted to spend time with.

I have experience in this.My mom and dad got married when I was very young. I grew up knowing him as Dad. He decided he wanted to adopt me, but told my Mom he would only do it as long as I knew about it. They told me when I was 11. He is my Dad, the other guy was just a sperm donor who put my Mom in the ER 7 months pregnant. To this day, I know who my bio-dad is, but have never contacted him. No reason to, I have a Dad.

Now, if the little boy wants to make an attempt to contact the bio-dad, he should be supported. Most likely though, it will not really change anything. I would also continue to pay the child support, this will show that you don't care about biology, you are going to take care of your "child". Let Mom deal with the guilt of lying to those closest to her, her children.

Answer 3

I think you'll find that most men would continue in the role of "father" even though not biologically akin to the child. It's similar to the love fathers have for adopted children but under somewhat different circumstances (being first led to believe this was his bio-child then learning it isn't).
It is sad that as one poster mentioned, up to 1/3 of all children born in a marriage (or marriage-type situation) are not related to the father but without his knowledge. It is sadder yet that it is certain that the mother knew the father might not be the father but was allowed to perpetuate the fraud without fear of being penalized. This is doubly true when divorce occurs before discovery of the fact.
Many men have found themselves, many years after divorce, to have been paying child support for another man's child. When taken to court, the most often ocurring thing is that he is forced to continue to finance her fraud, sometimes with her even bringing the biological father into the household while maintaining a legal 'right' to her ex's finances.
In most states, it is still legally considered to be his child unless contested within a very narrow window of time after birth.

Some states have begun looking at this problem because it is so vast and affects so many and have begun to create or alter laws to prevent rewarding devious women but more needs to be done. I feel that any woman who proports a child to be the child of a man, knowing that the possibility exists that he is not the father, failing to make the possibility known, should face severe financial penalties, possible loss of custody and jail time. The cuckolded one should also have the ability to recoup costs that were spent toward the child against the bio father AND the mother, with interest and given the choice of at least completely equal custody without being forced to pay child support. That means he would be allowed to choose what is best for the child and himself without rewarding the cheating mother.
It should also be considered whether to grant him a right to persue sole custody, depending on the needs and best interests of the child.

Having said all that, I have wondered what I would do if after 20 years divorced, I found that any of my sons were not my biological children. I firmly believe I would inform my ex that I was aware of her fraud and then just probably drop it because laws do not favor a father in any area of "family law"; little could actually be done.
I would prefer never to let my children know about it except I think it is of major importance to know their actual heritige for health and marriage reasons. Otherwise, I'd just drop it and continue my relations with my children as always.

Answer 4

well if she's the ex then she's not in my life much. So to HELL with her.

i would still love the child as if he were my own - I mean I am his dad for all intents and purposes - where has biological dad been lo these 13 years? Zero contact? Then f*ck him too and the horse he rode in on.

It would just be more proof to me i was right to leave that daffy lying hurtful b*tch, but it sure would make it hard not to spit on her the next 200 times i saw her lying b*tch face. the one thing i'd really have to put to rest is - who else knows? i would never want my son to know unless *I* wanted to tell him and would tell her if she ever tells him then she's going to disappear in the middle of the night some evening and never be found again. but if she knew that she'd tell him just to be spiteful, one gets the feeling.

i just feel like the number of women lying about who the dad is is going way up. and it's g*ddamned depressing.

Answer 5

At this point in time, about the only thing I would be concerned about would be getting in touch with a lawyer and finding out if there was any chance of recovering the $ from the one child that was not mine. Other than that, I'd let it go.

Answer 6

You know its been documented that approximately 1/3 of those that get paternity tests, the child and father don't match. I'd like to just take the child away from the mother. Maybe I would just move away and stay away from women period(kinda what I'm doing now).

Answer 7

The son is 13 and you've loved him as your own all this time. Forget the wife, you need to keep loving this boy and provide for him. He's already had enough sorrow over your divorce.

Answer 8

I would keep on loving MY son the way I always did. Then with the ex i would forgive and never forget. I couldn't hold a grudge because that wouldn't be Christian thing to do.

Answer 9

I would continue to take care of the child. She will get whats coming to her. What goes around comes around. So I wouldnt say anything to her.

Answer 10

If you love the kid just leave it alone I know I have at least 2 kids that are not mine but I love the kids who care ant way