My husband and I are going thru a divorce we have an 8 yr old boy. my son blames me for leaving his father. he now throws tantrums and his behavior has changed dramatically. His father to win him is now doing the things he never did before as he should have. I don't want to hurt him but I cant go back. Unfortunately I can't tell him at this age what caused me to leave his father and I have to take the blame from him. but how do I handle his bahavior?
2007-01-29 02:54:18 · 9 answers · asked by Carol 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I wish I had a good answer for you, I don't. I'm going through the same thing now, I have an 8 year old and I'm going to leave my wife. She don't want a divorce so naturally it's all my fault and I'm afraid he will blame me too. I think your write you can't tell him why you left, at 8 he's too young. Just be consistent, tell him you love him and you will always be there for him and I think in time he will over come this. Good luck!
2007-01-29 03:19:14 · answer #1 · answered by David 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to a pediatric therapist. He is very angry and you will never be able to make it better, especially if his father is now doing the things he should be. This is a tough one, I would get him into a child therapist so they can help him. Because he may end up hating women because of this. (I'm not saying you should go back to your husband, just to get your son help now, before it is too late.)
My parents divorced when I was 7, and I grew up with a deep rooted feeling of mistrust towards men, because I blamed my father for my parents divorce. I was an adult before I realized life happens and not all marriages last forever.
2007-01-29 03:07:00 · answer #2 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's is never easy, his little world has fallen apart. If you are the one that left this is all he see's. Just explain to him that you will always love him and if he ever needs you, you will always be there and explain that his daddy will be there also.
With children they will kick scream and push you emotionally over this for a very long time you have to stay true to them and be strong.
Try talking with your ex and try to come up with a way to deal with this without putting your son in the middle of your problems if he see's you two talking like adults instead of screaming at each other it will make it a little easier for your son.
He may also feel he has to behave in this manner because he is being pulled to one side and he feels he is betraying the other parent. Give him time but make sure the rules still stick in your house hold. talk and cuddles will help if he continues this way then seek professional help for him so he isn't effected with this for the rest of his life. One day you may be able to tell him the reasons but you are his mum Sand his Dad is his Dad this doesn't change just because the two of you decided to break -up. Good Luck!!!!
2007-01-29 03:24:41 · answer #3 · answered by angel 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I sympathize with you completely I have been in your shoes.Your son will get through the transition stage it just takes time.All you can do is continually let your son know that you love him very much and the divorce is in no way is his fault.Explain to him that just because you & his dad could'nt get a long does not mean that you love your son any less.In time your son will come to terms with it all and yes he will eventually stop blaming you.Hang in ther and be patient it get's a little easier everyday.Good luck to you.Feel free to e-mail or IM me anytime.
2007-01-29 03:20:23 · answer #4 · answered by Maureen B 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I left my ex husband when my son was 8, i went through the same things you are so i finally told my son the truth on why i left his dad we talked it through and now we have a great relatonship. HOnest is the best policy
2007-01-29 03:26:31 · answer #5 · answered by slynswope 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is normal for children to act out when their parents are divorcing. They are frightened. Everything they know about their life is changing. My daughter blamed me for her dad and I divorcing. She was 5. I told her, "Your daddy loves another woman the way he should only love your mommy." She still was angry for awhile, but over time she understood that it wasn't my choice. That I wanted our family but I couldn't tolerate his cheating. Just love your son, reassure him that you love him and that his daddy loves him and you want him to be happy, but that mommy and daddy just cannot live together anymore. Give it time, he will work through it and learn to live with divorced parents. The lifestyle will never be easy for him, and there will be times that he will play the two of you against each other. But remember that he loves you...and he is afraid.
2007-01-29 04:36:55 · answer #6 · answered by Rhoe 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Why would you think your child would take the splitting of his world apart with a smile. Cut him some slack. Since he is a boy and already 8 years old may I suggest you give custody to his father.
2007-01-29 03:10:16 · answer #7 · answered by lily 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
after the time passes.. your not going to tell your son.. your going to give him lots of love... your going to take care of the tantrums... anytime your sons behavior acts up.. send him to his room... tell him once he calms himself he can come out... than you do something with him... start a project, build a puzzle, bake, go for a bike ride... go to the park... the more you are their for him and place your love in him... the more he will trust you... he will understand that your doing all you can and still love him
2007-01-29 03:26:16 · answer #8 · answered by ﺸÐïåMóñdÐôññåﺸ 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
both you and your Ex have to be on the same page when talking to your child unfortunately that doesn't always happen. Try going to a therapist or talk straight forwar to child they know more than you think.
2007-01-29 03:15:41 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋