Question for all you wives out there?

Question

My wife and I got married about a year ago. We’ve blended families and things haven’t been a piece of cake. My question is this: my wife used to call me in the mornings and be really upset if she didn’t hear from me in the mornings. Now it seems that if I call her, she’s super busy at work or doesn’t return my calls. I think she needs more space for whatever reason so I’m giving it to her. Problem is every time I say look I think I need to give you more space, she freaks out and then wants me to call every day. Then I do that and she gets distant like it’s no big deal that she talks to me. It’s actually driving me nuts. There’s something going on in her life it seems and I just can’t figure it out. Now when I ask her why didn’t she call me back if I call her she always has some lame excuse like we’ll my day was really busy but then I see that she had time to go to lunch and stop by Mcdonald’s but didn’t have a second to call me. I feel like saying OK I get the message you’re just not that into me anymore I’ll leave you alone. Then when I leave her alone, she gets upset. Anybody know what’s going on with her?

Answer 1

She's playing a game. She wants you to make her feel secure, but she wants you to think something is up with her. Blended families, she probably has some real issues she hasn't gotten through yet. You, too, if this makes you insecure.

Answer 2

I can see how this would be maddening. Let me explain what's going on. Your wife felt rejected by you at some point here. Either that she is just stressed to the core and your part of that stress instead of her soft place to fall, so when she has time and is relaxing, talking to you would be counter-productive. She WANTS your love, attention, respect, whether she is acting withdrawn/busy or not. So don't pull back, give up, or get resentful. She is mad/resentful over something and using the "too busy/distant" thing in retaliation for some percieved wrong or is just stressed to the T. Talk to your wife. Tell her you want to have a great relationship and need to know what she wants from you. Tell her what you need her to do to make you feel loved and wanted too. There is a breakdown in communication here. At some point you stopped being best friends and you need that back. Sit her down and make an agreement. She can come clean on what's the matter or not, but she has to stop the withdrawal act. Agree on when you will talk and set that time apart to do it. Do it because you love each other and want this marriage to be great. Do it to make each other happy. Be kind and loving and cheerful. No one wants an awful call in the middle of their already stressful day. Either you both are in this 100% or it won't work, so she needs to get with the program. Don't play games. Sit down and talk this out until you have a resolution. In the meantime, love her, act happy to see her, and call her despite herself. I wanted my husband very badly and missed him very much. He found many excuses to be away, be unavailable and was much too busy for me from the day we married to the day I left him. Once faced with being single, he realized his marriage was important and that it had shriveled from lack of care. He wanted to fix it. Too late, too much resentment, too unbelievable after ten years of being last on the priority list. So my advice is that you are right to worry and right to get this worked out here and now. You can work this out. Agree on a time to call her. She is distressed and distancing herself for some reason.

Answer 3

she sounds alittle emotional. I suggest sitting her down and tell her how you feel. honesty is always the best policy. WOmen are very hormonal and dont always realize what there doing. She hasnt lost intrest in you i think she has lost of feeling of independence since being married. Give her a little space but not to much. Just enough to let her make desicions and feel like she has freedom. BUt still set some guidelines. Like take five minutes from your lunch time to talk and see how your days are going. it will all work out. good luck.

Answer 4

This is a very OLD problem. Women want to operate on hints and subtlety and we men simply don't get it on their level. You need to TALK with her (not AT her) and work out an agreement that she is happy with and that you can at least understand. Women are transient, and she will probably want to change the agreement at some point. That is FINE, as long as you know what she wants from you. It is great that you want to keep her happy with you, just let her know that you need her help with this. KEEP THE COMMUNICATION OPEN. Good luck.

Answer 5

She's playing some type of game with you, You need to ask her if something is wrong she needs to talk to you and stop acting like a baby.

Answer 6

I think she wants control over the marriage. I think she wants you to be her puppet. She wants to keep you guessing so you continually try to please her. She wants to be the boss. Don't let her be. Next time she gets mad because you didn't call her, tell her what you said here and tell her you're done messing with the mind games.

Answer 7

she wants to wear the pants in your marriage. she plays games and you are letting her get her ways. we all do that but it's so high school you know? just ignore her and you'll see she'll be at your feet.

Answer 8

my god - i read these very kind insightful answers from helpful nice women - and then ask -- women is it any wonder we cannot understand you? i mean holy sh*tballs. read what's here.

what a ball of snarled yarn! :-D

Answer 9

she wants to have her cake and eat it too!