should I feel guilty?

Question

my soon to be ex wife and I have been separated for over six months now, we have a divorce/court date. I have spent the whole time trying to reconcile and talk her out of it, but it's what she wants. she has spent time out at night clubs and bars and has told me that what she does is no longer my business. this past weekend I actually went out to a tavern and had dinner, while I was there a lady sat beside me and we talked and ended up having a few drinks. I went home with her and we slept(fully clothed) on her sofa and nothing really happened except for a kiss. I feel like maybe i shouldn't even have done this, should i feel guilty

call me old fashioned ,but i just assume that your married until the divorce is final,and I have tried to respect that. and most importantly we do have 2 small children together,which I should have mentioned in the above.

Answer 1

It's the feeling of not wanting to let go, not being ready to let go. Especially if she wants the divorce. Divorces happen for all sorts of reasons. (Only god knows!) Just give yourself time, the time you need. Things will eventually fall into place. It doesn't seem possible right now, because of your feelings for her. I would try to concentrate on going on, you need to. No divorces are easy for none of us. But life does go on, You deserve that, always keep that in mind.

Answer 2

No, she has made it clear she is moving on and its Ok for you too. You might feel guilty because in your heart you are still in love and married. It takes a while to get over that feeling. The best thing to do is give yourself some time to heal.
If your still very much in love with your wife, I would ask her to go to counseling and see if you can work it out. Ask her why specifically she wants to end the marriage. Is she feeling trapped? Is there something you can change about yourself? Sometimes in a divorce case you can state you do not wish to get divorced quite yet and would like the chance at mediation, and or counseling to see if you guys can work things out. But, be very weary of this. It can create more feelings of hate, and such in the person that wants the divorce.
But, I would ask her to meet you and begin with a sincere apology and tell her you are ready to deal with any problems that you have created.
If she stills wants a divorce then maybe ask her for a seperation for 6 months to make sure, before you get the divorce. Especially if there are children involved.
Sometimes though. Divorce is the best thing if there was any abuse, or you guys don't mesh..like oil and water.
But, as for feeling guilty over going out no. Its perfectly OK to go out and have a good time.
You may not be quite ready yet to start " dating" other people and thats OK. Divorce is traumatic and can take time to adjust from.

Answer 3

Since you already feel guilty.........(I know everyone is telling you not to feel that way but, the truth is you do.) I'd call this young lady from the tavern back. I'd make sure she understands the situation with the wife/ex-wife to be. I'd explain to her that you like her. Then I'd tell her how you felt guilty.

I see it as you can come off one of two ways here. Either you're a whore monger in the middle of a divorce that has no emotion about picking up strange women in taverns. Or you can come across to her as a caring, devoted soul that is trying to make the best of a confusing situation and you want to share this with her so that you don't screw up and damage her in the process.

Answer 4

I can understand how you feel, but I think you ought to let it go~It sounds like you've tried everything you can to get your wife back~So if that is the way she wants things, then so be it. It doesn't sound like she has "wasted any time" getting on with her life, and after 6 months it's probably time for you to move on too. Actually, you didn't do anything too bad anyway;) Most guys would have done a lot more, a lot sooner probably..it sounds like your wife is passing up a good, honest man with integrity.
Good Luck to You!

Answer 5

There is absolutely no reason for your guilt, your soon to be ex-wife has made it clear that she wants to be single so take her at her word. You seem to be wasting your time trying to reconcile with her and in the mean time you might be missing out on meeting someone wonderful, who wants to be with you and can't imagine not being with you. You aren't cheating on your wife, she's living her life and it's time for you to move with yours.

You just need to be careful with your next relationship and look before you leap. You might be on the rebound so don't do anything rash like re-marry quick. If there are any gut feelings about your next love any red flags, listen to them. We have intuition that we sometimes ignore and it back fires on us. I have a feeling you married too young and she wants to sew her wild oats. Whether or not this is the case, she's right, it is no longer your business so find your happiness, your true love who's out there waiting on you. Life's too short for regret or what could have or should have beens. She may regret her decision one day, she might not, but you need to be happy without her and believe me you will. Just grieve the passing of you marriage so you can start to heal.

Good luck.

Answer 6

There's nothing for you to feel guilty about. You're separated. She made the decision, not you. If there is no way to reconcile, then you need to go on with your own life, just like she has gone with hers.

The "reason" you feel guilty is because you still love your soon to be ex. And you most likely continue to hope you can get back together.

Try to reconcile, but if it's truly impossible, you need to ditch the guilt feelings.

Answer 7

I understand your feelings of doubt, but I think what you did was fine. You are getting divorced and you have done evrything possible to save your marriage. Unfortunately it takes both people willing to reconcile. At some point, you have to start living your life again, although it's hard and may feel weird at first. Give yourself a break and permission to live again. I wish you the best of luck. You sound like a good, sincere person.

Answer 8

Do you feel guilty? Yes or no? Guilt is an emotion, you will feel it regardless of whether it has basis/validity or not. I think the question you really want to ask is "was i wrong".

If you are asking the question, then obviously you think that you did. You are even trying to justify your reasons. What you want to hear from us is that its ok. But just because shes doing it to you doesnt make it right. Your "soon-to-be ex wife" is still your wife.

Answer 9

No. For one, guilt is a wasted emotion that drains the mind. Two, you've been separated from your wife for six months, she's moved on, and it's probably time for you to do the same. Three, your divorce is already in progress and you need to free your mind and your heart for someone with whom you can be happy.

Answer 10

Nothing wrong with anything you did. Keep up the good work and for your own peace of mind don't sleep with anyone until after the divorce is final. What your soon to be ex does is her business. she is the one who will have to live with the consequences.