Abuse or what?

Question

My husband and I married almost 3 months ago. He's changing day to day. When we got married he became more controlling. Not jealous or following me or anything like that but, definitely more controlling. He told me numerous times before we got married that he was going to stop smoking (pot) and even tried and did. Now that we are married he does it all of the time and I asked him why he tried to stop b4 we got married and now he smokes all the time and doesn't care how it makes me feel, he told me now we are married and I can c the true him. Also, he won't take responsibility for anything he does wrong, it is always my fault. If I try to talk about issues we have he says that I'm just trying to start an argument. Also, I can come home from work and if he feels like being touched or talked to then I can touch or talk to him but, if not and I try to he gets mean about me leaving him alone. I'm a church girl and he used to hold the cuss words in front of me. Now, he just lets them fly and even calls me whore and tells me to shut the f*c* up quite often. Last night we were watching a movie on 2 seperate couches (always snuggled during a movie b4 we got married), I asked him 2 come lay on the couch with me and he sayed he might get 2 comfy and fall asleep. Then, when it came time 2 go 2 bed he was extremely awake & ready for sex. I said no, I was too tired ( just hurt from him not snuggling w/ me). I told him he doesn't spend time with me like he did b4 we got married. I told him that I come home from work and try 2 talk 2 him but, he just watches T.V. or plays PS2, he said that I start talking 2 him while he is trying 2 watch something. I told him that I don't care about T.V. I've missed him all day and would like 2 talk 2 him. He said that I can talk to him on commercials. On Saturday, we got into an argument and he punched the steering wheel in our truck and broke it. A few minutes later he told me he wanted a divorce. Of course he didn't want a divorce, that was just so I would beg him not to leave and I did. Sunday turned out about the same way as Saturday, he said he was leaving for a while and I told him that I don't care what happens I was just tired of the arguing and asked him not to leave. He stayed. Yesterday, I felt like he was pushing his control limits a little. With a comment here or there about something I could or could not do. I'm worried now that he thinks he has a lot more control over me. Since I'm the one that asked him to stay. Any thoughts? Also, he made a comment about me calling and talking to my parents all of the time. I talk to my parents about twice a day at the most and it's usually not even when I'm with him. Any thoughts

Saturday, I was really sick and he left me to go off with his buddies all day. That really hurt but, before he left he started to "mess" with me. I told him I didn't feel good. He didn't care he just pulled my panties off and while I was trying to keep them on. He continued what he was doing and we had sex. In the middle of it I told him that it was making my stomach hurt. He didn't listened, he just finished.

Answer 1

i would charge him with rape. and leave him . get the police to help you out. and if you need someone to chat to contact me please

Answer 2

Well..yes it seems like you married a jerk. That is how it is simply put. He doesnt care about your feelings or your not wanting sex. He doesnt care about injuring and is starting to break things. No offence but you do sound a bit like a nag but that is no exuse. I would either let those things that really bother you slide off your back or else pick your battles. Dont fight with him about everything just the things you find really important. It does not sound like he is willnig to work on things with you. Nicely say to him that he is not the man you married and his trying to fool you doesnt mean you cant still get a divorce. Tell him that just because your married doesnt mean you cant leave and that he needs to straighten out for the longevity of your marriage, but also to be helpful state you are willing to work on things that he finds bothersome about you. About the having sex part..that is completely unacceptable and tell him if he ever tries to have sex w ith you when you say no and mean no that there will be serious reprucussions.

Answer 3

Because of my religious beliefs, I don't believe in divorce (usually). I do believe in ending a marriage on the grounds of physical abuse and adultery (if the parties want to). It sounds like he crossed the "abuse" threashold when he forced himself on you sexually. Honey, I don't care if you're married, that's rape. Since you have only been married 3 months, I would try to get an annulment. In our state, I think you have 6 months to file for an annulment (basically says that the marriage never existed). Here you have to prove that the person was hiding information or you learned something about them after you were married that was significant in your decision to marry that person (ex-abuse, find out the person is a drug addict and/alcoholic, adultery). Get an attorney to talk to you about your options and try to get an annulment before it's too late to get one. They are less messy than a divorce, I think. I don't think there is alimony, that kind of stuff involved.

Answer 4

If I were you I wouldn't post crap like this. Sorry but you guys need a therapist and you don't need to tell the world your secrets, everybody has them. Also, try chilling out and doing something for yourself, then make a date night with your man and act like you did before you were married. I would delete this question if I were you!
The first five years of marriage are the toughest.

Answer 5

I can tell you are deeply hurt and bothered by his behavior. I certainly would call it abusive. Now, I am a big believer in marriage and trying to work things out, but in your case, honey, he needs the curb. He needs to know that his behavior will no longer be tolerated and you are worth much more than the way he has been treating you!

Answer 6

Honey, this problem will only get worse. I went through the same thing with my husband and it is not a good thing to deal with but yes it abuse no is no even if you are married. If you need to talk you can message me. and we will talk.

Good luck and if this does worsten then dont wait as long as I did get away while you can.

Answer 7

he is a jerk get an anulment and move on you need someone who truly cares about you. It will only get worse as time goes by . You really do need to consider your options here . Just be glad that it reared it's ugly head before you had kids . get an anulment honey you will be glad you did in the long run . good luck .

Answer 8

LEAVE. Do not stay in this marriage. He is selfish and abusive and it will just get worse. You must think about your mental and physical health. Twice he wanted to leave and I'm not sure why you want him to stay. Why would you want to stay in a marriage with someone who treats you this way? Let him leave. Encourage him to leave.
I worry that if you say you are leaving that he will threaten you, so try to make it seem like it was his decision.

Answer 9

Why are you still there. Just LEAVE. If everything you have said is true then it's very OBVIOUSLY that he has NO feelings for you. LEAVE before he physcially hurts you. And YES he is ABUSING YOU.

Answer 10

Sounds like you really picked an immature jerk for a husband. You really should begin considering your options.

Answer 11

you need to re-evaluate your marriage to this guy...call him on his behaviour...be strong...if you don't start getting what you need out of this relationship...then ya might wanna consider leaving him...he's only gonna change if he wants to