Father's Visitation Rights......?

Question

I am asking this under my wife's log on.....I lost a battle for visitation rights to my son due to having a REALLY bad attorney....I pay child support, paid my ex's mediation fees, paid half of the medical bills for my son, paid for the paternity test....I did everything I was supposed to do....her defense was my irresponsibility due to my age (i am 23, she is 33) and she said in court that i was a convicted felon (burglary charge when i was 13 years old) and my attorney did not say a WORD to defend me....sooooo....i got ONLY every other weekend visitation (no holiday, birthdays, father's day, nothing) and she got SOLE parental responsibility.....we were not married (in case anyone asks), it was a one night stand but I am trying to take repsponsibility and be in my son's life.....the question is.....should I file for a modification of final judgment???? i want my son!!!

Just some more info....I work, I pay her child support, over $400/mo, I am married now, have a home, my son does stay with me every other weekend, he is only 2, I am just looking to get shared parental responsibility and the standard visitation guidelines that the law allows...i'm not trying to take him away from his mother, just to have equal time with me....

Answer 1

I am an attorney and have done family law, so I'll give you some answers based on my experience. First, maybe you did have a bad attorney, but you got a pretty standard deal. The only thing I can see which might not be standard is paying the mom's mediation fees, but that's minor. As far as your attorney not jumping up and defending you when the other attorney said that you were a convicted felon, don't worry about it. The judge is not stupid. The judge probably had paperwork indicating that you were thirteen when it happened, and it was a burglary, and that's why your attorney didn't explain that. As far as the amount of visitation time you got, every other weekend, I would say that is probably because your son is still a baby. If the judge thought that you were convicted of child molestation or something, you would have gotten no visitation. Regarding filing for modification of visitation, most states have a minimum amount of time which must go by before you can file for a modification. And actually, most couples do not follow their visitation order to the letter anyway. If you faithfully and responsibly visit your son and show this mom, who it sounds like you barely know, that you are going to be a good parent, maybe you can work something out with her informally. Most moms of toddlers would be THRILLED to have someone they trusted show up to take the child to the park, to the zoo, whatever.
I applaud you that you are determined to be a good dad to this little guy. I now know many, many of these one-night stand kind of mom and dad and baby situations, and actually they can work out great. A lot of these dads are really stepping up to the plate and being dads to these kids. And it seems like it might be an advantage that the mom and dad don't have a dating history. There aren't a lot of hard feelings. Keep on doing what you are doing. This little boy needs you.

Answer 2

Actually, in that situation (the judge apparently believing you to be irresponsible and a convicted felon…without knowing any of the details), I’m surprised you even get every other weekend. You can certainly go back to court and request additional visitation time.

As far as the other issues, I’m not sure exactly what you want.

At first, I thought you wanted joint legal custody. And while more judges are awarding it, not all judges do award it. In part because often parents can’t agree on anything, so in that situation it would be impossible for it to work.

But then it kind of sounds like you wanted joint physical custody. Frankly, merely in personal opinion, the chances of that happening at this point aren’t incredibly high. I assume the child has always lived with his mother. The court's view is generally “if it’s working, don’t mess with it”

You need to talk to another attorney (maybe one than one) to see what your chances of being successful would be.

Answer 3

I would and I would definitely get another attorney to help you. Was your attorney for you or her?

Since you added he is 2, that is probably why you got the visitation you got. Most of the time shared parenting is given to slightly older kids, because toddlers need more stability in their lives. As they get a bit older they are better able to adapt to both households. I would suggest you abide by this agreement until he is 4 and then ask for shared parenting.

Answer 4

Be the best father u can be every other weekend, she will see your actions and may be lighten up after a while. Depending on the situation which i am sure you didn't let us know everything. Do you work? Can u provide a bedroom for him to visit u overnight..Most judges won't allow u custody unless u can, just so you know.

Answer 5

Fire your attorney and get a new one and try to go back to court and fight this. You may never get full custody or even primary custody unless you have proof she is not a fit mother. If she is a fit mother the best you are probably looking at it full joint custody.

Answer 6

Go back to court, and show them how responsible you really are.
Hopefully you have a good job, a good place to live and transportation. And that this child was not conceived while you were married.

Answer 7

I would get a new lawyer and go back to court and have everything re looked at.

Answer 8

eehh wtf. she sounds like a she has her head on backwards. ur his dad and u deserve to bond with him. i grew up w/out my dad and after 16 years im finally starting to get to know him. and its so akward i can't stand it. get things straight with this b4 u lose and change of having a good relationship wit ur son and being there for all the big turning points in his life. good luck!!