My live-in boyfriend has two children from a previous marriage. Unfortunately, his kids are in a different country and he hasn't seen them in 7 months. He misses them terribly. His ex-wife agreed to accompany them to the US so that they could stay with us for a week and 1/2 in March. She and her new husband were to stay close by in a hotel while the kids stay with us. Now she's changed her mind and says the hotel is too expensive (even though my boyfriend has very generously offered to SPLIT the cost of the hotel) and is going to have to stay in our apartment. There is no privacy in our apartment as there is an open floorplan. I've never met the kids nor the ex nor the new husband. I'm not sure how to react to this situation. Better yet, I'm not sure how I'm GOING to react after several days together with my boyfriends kids and his ex...all under one roof!! Am I wrong to be extremely concerned?
2007-01-29 02:07:40 · 15 answers · asked by gin_and_tonic 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I now need to mention this: his ex-wife is loaded. She can MORE than spare this expense. In fact, she is much more capable of footing the bill than we are. Believe me, I'm not being petty about money by any means. I'm just trying to make this visit as enjoyable to all invloved. Regardless, the visit is going to happen. I have never, ever balked at that. I'm doing everything I can to prepare for his reunion with the kids--that's the important thing. I think I'm being as gracious as a person could be without being walked all over.
2007-01-29 02:38:53 · update #1
That sounds like a very difficult situation, and Man am I glad I am not facing it. The only thing I can say is that you can't stand in the way of your boyfriend and his children coming together, no matter what. If everyone will act like adults and make it about him and the children spending time together then it will work.
2007-01-29 02:21:37 · answer #1 · answered by heaven o 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He hasn't seen his children in 7 months? & you aren't doing everything you can to facilitate this reunion to show what a wonderful person you can be? You all are the adults; make this thing happen. The children have no control over this situation and they don't need all of you pulling in different directions. If you can't be the gracious hostess, maybe it would be a good time for you to go visit relatives or friends for a couple of weeks so that your b/f's mind isn't preoccupied with everything else but trying to make what little time he has with his children an enjoyable one.
Additionally, how about going on the offensive, instead of the defensive. If you think she has motives that could be suspect, just say an enthusiastic okie-dokie with a very gracious smile and put it back in her ball court. That ought to rattle her. Can't imagine if she has money that she really wants to see you being the perfect hostess and the loving sweet ex-husband's mate. Would be a perfect opportunity to out cook, out clean, and out entertain her. Make that man of yours proud.
2007-01-29 02:29:48 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
In this kind of relationship there are certain things that you can not say. (You are have to let the two of them work this out) I understand why you said what you said but either his mother or her father should have told her. (You just added more fuel to her fire by doing this) Your boyfriend is going to have to man up and tell her to stop the things that she is doing. SHE can not take any legal rights away from anyone. That is for a court to decide. I would suggest he get legal counsel. Start letting her calls go to voice mail. (you will have a recording of her ranting and the threats that are made) Quit giving her the attention that you are giving her. Don't talk to her when the kids go home. The two of you have a right to some piece. If it's not an emergency (a limb is coming off), stop picking up the phone.
2016-03-29 07:57:26 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No. I'm not sure how I would handle it either. That's going to be one long week and a half. I don't now what to tell you. Maybe let them stay in the apartment and your boyfriend and you and the kids can get a hotel instead. Or pay their entire bill, I know it would be a financial burden for you guys, but that's the only solution I can think of. If they want to stay in the apartment -great, but I wouldn't be able to be there with all of them.
2007-01-29 02:15:24 · answer #4 · answered by ? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i would feel the same way. as long as her husband will be there too i dont think you should have anything too worry about. let your boyfriend know that you'd rather not be left out of the picture. it's the kids he should be spending time with not her. and if she has a problem with you spending time with the kids then she knows where the door is!!! on that same note arent there other hotels that arent as expensive?? do some research on some cheap hotels they could stay at around your area. keep the comunication open with your boyfriend express your feelings. after all you should feel comfortable in your own home, no-one should make you feel otherwise.
2007-01-29 02:23:45 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have to sacrifice for your BF. Nothing to worry about. His ex-wife is married and I see no reason for you to worry. I am a single mother with 2 kids. I have a boyfriend who is still married with 3 kids and the 8 of us ever live together under one roof for a month. I dont feel anything like jealous or whatever when they have a good time in the their bedroom even sometimes I know the wife purposely become intimate right before my eyes to make me jealous because I know that they are husband and wife and why should I become jealous. So be it......
2007-01-29 17:34:58 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
No your not wrong. I know your bf misses the kids but having his ex stay with yall under the same roof is a disaster waiting to happen. I would either stick to the pay half the hotel bill thing or offer to pay the whole thing.
2007-01-29 02:17:10 · answer #7 · answered by Lucinda M 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Okay in the first place you should have never agreed to this . She needs to stay in a hotel with the new husband . and under no circumstances should your b/f allow this to take place . He should be telling her to get a hotel room for her and her husband if not then she needs to find other arrangements because she and her husband cannot stay with you . If your b/f is not willing to tell her this then you need to re think your relationship with him . Sit him down and explain how you feel . If he does not agree with you then tell him to be preparred to loose you cause he does not even consider your feelings in all of this . I wish you well cause it does not sound like a good sittuation for any of you . good luck .
2007-01-29 03:25:15 · answer #8 · answered by Kate T. 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you serious.She is re-married and her & her husband want to stay with you.If your boyfriend has offered to pay 1/2 of the hotel then that is more than reasonable.If she does not want to accept that offer then she has different motives and I would absolutely not allow her to stay at your place.Your botfriend deserves to have and spend quality time with his kid's without his ex wife & her husband intruding.Your boyfriend need's to put his foot down and insist that she stay at a hotel.
2007-01-29 02:57:33 · answer #9 · answered by Maureen B 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I would NOT like it either, but unfortunately, she has him by the balls. Looks like if he wants to see the kids, he has to agree to her terms OR offer to fork out the entire expense for the hotel. Maybe you can start shifting finds to see if that’s possible. It sucks that you’d have to do that, but I’d rather do that than have them stay with me.
2007-01-29 02:16:57 · answer #10 · answered by kp 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋