here is another poem of mine, and well i just want to see what you thought. If your gonna say something mean plz don't say anything at all! Thats all i ask.
I want your love forever more!
I want your love
no matter what it is
how hard i even try!
I got my dream/wish taken away
you gave it to someone
they don't need it from you anyways!
I need some love
how come i can't get none?
Sometimes i sit and think and wonder
"why me?"
I sit and sit and think
I really want your love and forever more!
I want you in my life, always!
She don't need you, she can have someone else.
Your the one, the one i need!
She may have had gotten out of a long relationship...
but whats this gonna do her any good?
I sit here more alone than ever before
I listen to music, a sad song comes on the radio
What does it do?
It makes me cry because i think of you.
Why does it have to be her?
Why can't it be me?
Am i not good enough for you?
I tried my best, i tried so hard
2007-01-29 01:39:05 · 9 answers · asked by ♥mcmanda♥ 5 in Arts & Humanities ➔ Books & Authors
It seems that i'm not ment to be.
Make me cry, please just tell me why!
Why can't it be me?
I cry at night, all alone in my own mind.
I want to try, try all over.
I can't seem to do a single thing
i just don't want to bother.
I see it, i told myself one day..
"Love really is blind, there is a no wonder why..
no wonder why he can't see it!"
You can't see for how much i care,
how much i want and have to be with you.
She don't love you, not like i do!
She don't care, but i do!
How can you live with someone who can't care?
She is nothing like me, i can make you more happier
happier than you ever been!
I won't have that chance
I see how it is!
I wanted a shot, but i never will get it!
i may not be perfect,
but she is??!!
Well i guess i have to live a life of loniness!
2007-01-29 01:39:19 · update #1
It's a really nice poem. It shows how much you really love and care for this guy. Sorry to say but, I think you're too good for him. But, I do hope one day things will work out for you. It will take time before you feel better. I hope this helps you???
2007-01-29 01:47:08 · answer #1 · answered by ********* 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm not trying to be mean. This is what is called constructive criticism. You are banging your reader over the head with what you want them to feel. The narrative form is much more effective for poems of this type. Try to be a little subtler.
2007-01-29 09:48:37 · answer #2 · answered by KitKat 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well I must say that many people have been there... best advice is to move on and stop dwelling on it. This process does take some time but believe that God has someone/something BETTER for you on the horizon... you just have to get there. But first you have to get up and brush this off and MOVE on.
For me this took literally months...
anyway, good prose though... but watch spellings... detracts from it.
2007-01-29 09:47:38 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Let him go. Get over it. Writing poetry can be cathartic, but the sad truth is, the other woman may be better for him, not you. Sorry. Get another boyfriend.
2007-01-29 09:42:47 · answer #4 · answered by Skeezix 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i like it, it describes the thoughts and angst of lost love or unfulfilled love
as to the style, i think you speak in a form/language, that many young people can relate to
2007-01-29 10:16:18 · answer #5 · answered by dlin333 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's thought provoking and well done.
I'm sorry for you pain, but, alas, artists are often the most inspired by sorrow and do their best work then!
2007-01-29 09:47:16 · answer #6 · answered by Karrose 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
WOW this is deep
2007-01-29 09:43:27 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Im not reading those...!
2007-01-29 09:41:55 · answer #8 · answered by Christopher 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
well brill... keep it up
2007-01-29 09:42:02 · answer #9 · answered by MK <>< 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋