am i wrong in wanting to marry a girl who has had a broken past?

Question

im in love with a wonderful peron whose life had been scarred with a previous marriage, the divorce is not yet worked out as she is the only earning member of her family and there are troubles that have been surfacing evrytime we try to settle the divorce.my family knows about her and i happened to b from the south side of india where materialistic ideals and pride happened to b a very nasty element of society.they look at her with eyes of hate, without knowing who she really is and what really happened to make things go wrong in her life.im the only son of a single mother, who thinks i hate her so much coz of this girl, i hav tried my best to make my mum see this girl but she refuses and baks out coz she says the rest of the family will never approve.i hav thought a lot, hell im living thru it as i write this.jus wanted to know what the public poll would think about.why is it necessary that we need to please evrybody so much and lay down wht we choose for ourselves?

Answer 1

Your mother is a single mom and whether or not she is single as a widow or a divorced woman, she should understand. It is up to YOU, my friend, to help your mother and your girlfriend understand and like each other. Set up a dinner or find something they have in common, even something as stupid as a fave dish or song!

As for the broken woman, be kind and just love her.

If you so choose to love this woman as your wife for the rest of your life, you will not care what your family thinks because you will be starting your own family unit with your own ideals.
If your family does not understand, give them time and focus on you and you woman.

This is about you and her, no one else.

But if you are questioning your love, then move on as you will only bring her heartache, and that sounds like something she's had enough of.
You are her knight in shining armour.

Answer 2

I know that here in America, we never allow our parents to choose our mates. It's mainly due to the fact they didn't choose very well either. Most parents are divorced in this country. I think you really need to think long and hard about what you are giving up. Your mother is telling you that if you choose this girl, you will no longer have any family to support you. Maybe you should date this girl a little longer. There is always two sides to every divorce and she might have played a large part in the failing of hers. I would take more time on this issue due to how many people are going to be effected by it. Good luck.

Answer 3

Only you know for sure if the woman is right for you. Your mother, although nasty, is trying to protect you from a rough marriage.

Your mother was the first woman in your life and she had to raise you on her own, it would be hard to let go even if your future bride was perfect.

Speak to your mother privately and be very honest. Arrange a meeting with your mother, future bride and yourself. You will need to set boundaries for your mother while also winning her over.

Good luck.

Answer 4

I've never been one to do what my family wants me to do. I was always the "black sheep" of our family. My parents still loved me, but they didn't like a lot of the decisions I made in my life.
To make a long story short. I have my own family now and the only family I have outside of my husband and children is my mother and step-mother (my father passed away). I have always done things in life my way. Yes, I hit a few potholes along the way, but ultimately I am happy with the way my life has turned out so far.

Answer 5

You live in a society of traditionalist who's pride and prejudice against others is supposedly the only right way to live. If it is against your culture to marry a woman who has been married in the past, you are the one who needs to decide if you are willing to go against your heritage and follow your heart, or you are going to allow the others to ruin your life for the sake of tradition. Loving someone is the greatest gift we can give and receive. I personally would follow my heart and be with the one I love. Have you ever thought of moving somewhere where society is more forgiving? It's only a thought but I would do what I had to do to be with the one I wanted to spend the rest of my life with.

Answer 6

True love is unconditional. If you really love her, you should protect her, and try to work out with your family. You must work out with your mom first, she is a singel mother, must had her own problem about relationship, make her understand that your feeling can be similar to some part of hers. Remember, appreicate your mother, she has done a lot for you, you must try to work things out with your mother for this girl.

Answer 7

No matter what you do someone will remain unhappy with your choices. You have to choose what you want and hope that everyone else loves you enough to eventually come around and accept what makes you happy. If she is the right woman for you, then your family will begin to see that. Stand up for what you believe in. Judging someone on their past mistakes isn't really fair.

Answer 8

I whole-heartedly agree with leigh. Remember that a lot of these responses are from people who live in different cultures. The values of say, an american culture, teach individuals to buck the system and do what they like. The social pressure that I am sure you are facing is not a factor for them (us). I cant, in good conscience, tell you to balk at tradition. I can tell you to talk with your family, their support is important, and to listen to your heart. Good luck, I really hope it works out for you.

Answer 9

You will probably be biting off more than you can chew with someone who has had a bad marriage. If she is going to go straight from divorce to marrying you, she will carry over all her insecurities and issues. If you don't feel like you can handle that, then it's best not to be with her.

Answer 10

Your mom has seen the world than you do. She has faced many kind of problems through her life. What you can do is sit and talk to your mom and find out what she wants and at the same time tell her about your feelings too. See what happens.