has your wife cheated on you?

Question

i need help from people that have been through this. how do i get the images out of my head, how do you get past the feeling of hurting even though you cant change what happened. i need some real help im in so much pain
i never cheated on her but she thought i did not love her so she strayed but shes back, i want to forgive her but how do i do that with all the pain. we tried counsling i stopped going because i dont think she helped either of us we might start again in a week or so
right now even though im with my wife i stll feel so lonley sometimes im very depressed and i just cant help it
any words of advise?

Answer 1

I don't think anyone but "YOU" can help. Counseling can help, but then you have to leave. It's YOU that's left to deal with the pain. Keep yourself busy and time will help you through this. Give her a chance. She's only human.

Answer 2

I am SO sorry. Give yourself some time here. As your wife shows you that she is trustworthy, you will gradually feel safer in your marriage. Don't ask any more questions are for any more details there is nothing at all to be gained.

Here are some tips that may help over the long haul:
1. Stop playing the blame game. Look at what was going on in the marriage the precipitated the affair and work on a plan to fix it. Usually cheating is a symptom of a problem in the marriage.
2. Agree to limit your venting and lashing out to ten minutes a day. Setting a limit to how much you can vent helps to avoid further contaminating your relationship.
3. Start meeting each other's needs.
4. Marriage is about trust: both of you need to be open books -- have zero contact with any exes or possible cheating partners and you both need to avoid any behaviors that even LOOK inappropriate.
If a spouse cheats once, it is almost always repairable and your marriage can slowly turn into the best thing that ever happened to you with some effort.

If a spouse cheats twice, the marriage is over and won't recover. There has to be trust built.

3. Go to www.marriagebuilders.com for a complete and total breakdown of how to handle your marriage effectively, how to treat each other, how to build a stronger marriage after an affair,etc. It is excellent and free. You are not alone and books and books have been written on this topic. This horrible pain will get better. Promise. If it doesn't, then you truly may have to walk away. I respect you for trying to do the right thing. Best of luck.

Answer 3

I am very sorry that you are going through this. I cannot say that everything will get better soon , but honestly over time , things will get easier , and if you are really committed , then you can work past anything. My situatuation was very similar , my job had me staying out of town for a week at a time , then back home for 3 days , then back out of town again .... she got very jealous, and lonley , and you can guess what happend..... that was 2 years ago , and we have been married for 6 years now , with 2 beautiful kids..... I had to make a decision , and decide what I wanted to do .... to forgive her ( not forget ) and try to move on , or , to call it quits , and start divorce proceedings ( we all know how nasty that can be on so many levels ) .... I decided to try a marrige counsler , and quit that position at work so as not to be out of town - it was extremly painful and hurtful at first , I kept thinking about her with another man - but after 2 years - we are stronger and happier than ever. You have to do some soul searching , and decide what it is you want . Hope that this helps . hang in there , you are not alone.

Answer 4

Well just try your best everyday to show her that you love her and try to move on but don't let her try and make you forget because you never will this is a type of pain that I feel is worse than any other the heart could suffer from it is important that you make smart decisions for you and then for her your feeling were compromised and you need time to heal she may of had some hurting but she gave up and went some where Else you have to ask your self is she what i really want and if the answer is yes then do all you can to make that happen but you can not make her love you if she Say's she loves you then believe her and test the love once again but if she breaks your heart like this again i feel you should cut all ties with her and move on to someone who will respect you enough to not hurt you in that way ,, best of luck to you i hope things work out for the best for you...

Answer 5

In most cases, once a cheater always a cheater. But in your case it might not be true. Forgiving someone for sharing something so intimate with someone else is a hard thing to do. I think you should stay in therapy and deal with the issues of why she cheated in the first place. Forgiveness comes with trust and respect. She damaged your trust and disrespected you. If you think you have it in your heart to forgive her, start working on the trust issues. It's hard to stay with someone you don't trust. It sounds like you really love her and want to give her another chance. If she is really trying and is very regretful, maybe you will be able to move past this. I'm sure your heart is breaking, but don't let the walls down until you have regained that trust in her. I'm sorry you had to go through that. Good luck to you and your wife.

Answer 6

I'm not a guy I'm a guys wife & your feelings are exactly why I'd never do the dirty on my husband....I feel so sorry for you to be in this horrible situation...it's going to take a long time for you to get over this I'm afraid.
You'll have people telling you to let go & just learn to trust again but it isn't going to be that easy.....counselling will help hopefully but the scars are fresh & deep right now....why oh why do people fukc things up so much & why the hell didn't she talk to you about how she was feeling in the first place????
First of all I'd be asking myself if my husband did that
Is he back with me because he chose to be or because the other person didn't want him anymore?
Did he tell me himself or did I have to find out?
Has he been honest about everything or is he still in denial?
Is he showing ways of building up my trust or does he feel I should shut & put up?

There's so much for you to go through & cope with...I really feel for you right now....I hope you find your way back to happiness one day whether that's on your own or as a couple still.
Take care Sweetheart...I'd better not say how I'd handle this one...I'm out of here.

Answer 7

I will try to help you. First, my heart goes out to you. Personally, the worst heart pain I have ever felt came from my wife deserting me the day after Christmas. I always tried to love her, but she was still (or seemed that way) in-love with her ex-husband. She came back ten months later just to lie and emotionally try to destroy me. She was angry, and I stiill don't know why, All I know is that she had been sleeping around, and she blamed me for everything imaginable. All I can say, If you can find a way to block the vision of her spreading her legs for another man, please let me know. It sounds like you love her, because you remind me of myself. Ya know, when a woman makes up her mind, just let her do her free will, just everytime you see her, thank her for being a wife, friend, and lover; and always let her know everday you are thankful for her loyalty to you. She will know in her heart very few men do that, so the next time a piece of crap tries to take her and lead her away, she will realize the feelings from the heart that you expressed is much more than some sweet talking guy that is talking too her as one in twenty just to get a weekend lay. Warn her about trashy people, protect her, and since you love her; always hold her hand, always kiss the back of her neck, and have you follow you to church and read I corinthians ; chapter 12-14 and follow the rules God has laid out for your love to each other. A man is bound to love his wife as Christ loved the Church. That's alot of love dude, so show and prove it too her. I promise you will see better things happen.

Answer 8

time does not heal or wounds, all you can do is try to forgive her, and SHOW her you love her. were you always at home with her? did you ever think that she might want to feel special again and be taken out for dinner? how often did you make love? was there any passion in it? did you ever kiss her or squeeze her, just because?
she cheated on you cause she thought you no longer cared, she cheated on you cause she wanted to feel special and loved again, she cheated on you cause she wanted to see if you would even care, or because it was easier to end the marriage this way then to admit that its over cause you fell out of love with her.

behind every action there is a motive or a reason, do not put all the blame on her, but take a step back and just ask yourself WHY? and maybe then you'll see that YOU were the problem in the begining.

sorry to be so harsh, but if councelling dos'nt work, and your having trouble understanding, maybe this little confrontation IS what you needed.

now you ask yourself, DO YOU LOVE HER? if so, are you willing to give it another go? and try to build that trust back up again and show eachother how much you REALLY do care about one another
OR
is the spark really gone, and are you willing to throw in the towel?

Answer 9

Brother I going through the same thing it is hard to get the image of her doing what she did out of your head especially during intimacy. I just learn we all need to forgive each other especially for leading them in that path even though we don't think we did anything wrong, If you really love her you can work through anything. In my situation it happen twice and she just doesn't understand the feeling I'm going through, I don't want to leave her but my heart already did now I don't think it is fair for her not to receive all the love that a women deserve I can give her what she wants anymore I lost the loving feeling but yet I don't want to leave her I don't know if its just Jealiousy that's holding us together. Hey good luck Ok, Remember this only God can restore marriages if we allow Him to intervene.

Answer 10

Ok, I have a friend who cheated on her loving husband. During time of crisis (monetary). She told him right after it happened and he was really upset and hurt but he did forgive her and he doesnt bring it back or try to use it against her, which i find as a sign of huge patience and love from him. She feels really lucky to have him, she regrets what she did and wishes it 'd never happened.
they are very loving to eachother now, so, here's the key. If you feel that she is the one you want to be with, love enough to forget/forgive and never bring it back to hurt her. also, if she wants to work things out and is totally sorry about her actions, then you should try it because it works sometimes. good luck

Answer 11

In a eutopian world love conquors all. But back here in this world life is not that easy. Somethings can not be undone and true forgivness is either within us or not. You may never be able to alter what you feel and think. Onething is for certain your relationship will never be the same.

Look at being happy and change your own destiny. She may be pat of it, or it may be better to cut and run and start afresh. But do not be centimental, be prepared to be ruthless and only do what makes you happy.