Been married for 3 months. It was not the easiest of beginnings but we fell in love and despite his age and legal status (he is younger) we made a good couple. Work has been hard for him, and it bothers him that I make more money (but I have finished school and have have had a good job for some time), but I have just looked out for him. I got an immigration lawyer, took care of all the paper work, and have tried to provide a home that he could love.
He has gotten meaner, moody, and demanding. Slowly. Not all days, just in an unpredictable manner. This morning he had an appointment to get his teeth cleaned and fixed, and he demanded that I go and prior to it just was extremely unpleasant. Then saying that it was me. That is what he does, be mean and blame me. I feel like just choking him or making him leave,but he has everything to lose. What is the deal? Why is he intent on ruining the marriage?
2007-01-29 00:32:07 · 17 answers · asked by kishoti 5 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
When I say that he has everything to lose, I mean that we are in the process of changing his legality status. His job, his happiness at least in the immediate future, and his ability to stay legally in this country are in jeopardy.
Immigration wasn't the issue, but I have tried to make it easy for him.
2007-01-29 00:43:42 · update #1
Sounds like he has no appreciation for the things you have done. It could also be that he thinks less of himself because you are doing everything for him - you are his wife, not his mother. I strongly suggest that you stop babying him, whether he likes that or not, and tell him to grow up. He's an adult with a wife, and he needs to take your needs into consideration. He should be proud of you and your success, which he obviously is not. Tell him for the time being, that you would like him to leave the house, until he can figure out what he is going to do about this situation. If you don't take a stand for yourself, his abusive ways will only get worse and worse. They very rarly become nicer, they only continue to get meaner. So take a stand and do so quickly
2007-01-29 00:39:23 · answer #1 · answered by buggsnme2 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like his manhood is on the line. Sounds like a frustrating position for him. I love all that you do for him, but I think it is hard for him to have you in control and have all the power financially and all the way around. Switch places with him for a minute and think what you might think. You two will have to sit down and establish some ground rules on how you behave in this marriage. I would not tolerate him mistreating you. You teach people how to treat you and if you let him take his moods out on you, he will just escalate. Walk away or in some other manner make it clear that when he wants to talk and negotiate some solutions to what's on his mind, you're there for him, but until then, you will not be treated this way and follow through on it. I do not know what culture he is from, but that could have some play on it as well. I don't think being in a childlike position and having the roles completely reversed is real comfortable for your husband. You will have to sort that out. Sit him down and listen to what is on his mind when he is not in a mood. Check on his cultural background and see what the standards are. Consider whether or not this was a good idea.
I wish you all the luck in the world with this. I am sure it can be sorted out, but in the meantime don't allow mistreatment.
2007-01-29 00:41:25 · answer #2 · answered by whereRyou? 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He is from another country and sometimes there, for example Mexico, the men take care of the women. Having you earn more money could definitely hurt his pride. Does he love you or was this marriage joined to gain access to legal status in US? You married him and should try to learn about his culture so that you can understand him, then accomodate that. YOu don't have kids yet, so although I hate divorce, if things don't work out or he becomes abusive, you could have the marriage dissolved. It hasn't been a year yet. I'm sorry to about this and I wish you both the best.
2007-01-29 00:40:19 · answer #3 · answered by VW 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Just a guess here, but could it be that the way he is acting is the way his society normally treats their women? I suggest that you just put him to the curb and get on with your life. You have tried to do right by this guy and are not appreciated for your efforts, nor does it sound like he is doing much to improve the situation at home. And for the record, he does not have everything to loose because you got him his citizenship (or so I must presume by your statement above), and he probably started with very little in the first place. If it were me (and I am a male by the way) I would kick his a** to the curb and wave "bye bye" to him and his attitude! I am positive that you can do better than this young person! Good luck!
2007-01-29 00:40:43 · answer #4 · answered by dragondave187 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You need to visit a counsellor or to a friend. If he has nay friends in the area find out what he says. He might have realised that marriage is anot a bed of roses anyway. It could be anything right from your attitude. But just to clear the air you need to have a converstaion with him and it should be away from the house. He definately misses his friends you can ask one of them to come and visit. There is every way you can make things work. It is not right for you to say that he has everything to lose consodering he is your better half. try and work this out as a couple cos that is what you are now.
2007-01-29 00:39:24 · answer #5 · answered by cynnie 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It is his frustrations. He is mean and he blames u, but stick it out for some more time, if u love him. He loves u, and the fact that the situation is not to his favour, and he is not able to provide anything for u, but depends on u, makes him frustrated. The society also puts pressure on him, because of his low earnings. Don't discusss topics of salary, money, your money, my money etc. give time and effort for the relation to nurture, and give time for him to mature, so that he can handle the situation. Don't rub it on his face that he is earning less, in a love situation, earnings don't matter, but love does. In the end his love and your happiness matters. A day may come when he earns more. Be hopeful, do first things first, let the relationship fructify.
2007-01-29 00:42:42 · answer #6 · answered by wizard of the East 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I don't know but it could have something to do with this sentence you made????
"I got an immigration lawyer, took care of all the paper work"
I hope it's not that though & you get it sorted out...
2007-01-29 00:36:54 · answer #7 · answered by Funky 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get that marriage annulled! It will not get better, no matter the promises he will make.
He may have only been nice in the beginning cause he knew you would get the immigration lawyer and help him stay in the country.
2007-01-29 00:38:21 · answer #8 · answered by Jo 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
It does'nt sound like he really want's to be married to you.I hate to say it but I think he used you to get his immigration status.I have a very close friend and this happened to her once he was all legal he divorced her.You deserve to be treated with dignity and respect let him go he is not for you and you will meet the right man.
2007-01-29 00:38:27 · answer #9 · answered by Maureen B 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sent him back you have done more that most would. What more do you want to do for him he got what he wanted to stay here on your dime. Get rid of him before this get ugly . Not know him he is controlling you making you the one in the wrong. Be safe get help
2007-01-29 09:48:25 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋