Why does my husband think the kids should be doing as much as him around the house?

Question

This is my 2nd husband, 1st one passed away. My kids are 12 and 9. He will not help me out around the house. So I went on strike this weekend as far as he is concerned. Says he will only do his share and the kids need to start pulling their weight. What is his share? How do I tell my 12 yr old son to take out the trash when his lazy step Dad is sitting his a55 on the sofa.

Response to one of my answers, he works and is trying to start up an insurance business, but he has been trying to do thsi since we met, 5 years ago, and still is not bringing any money home. I pay all the bills and buy all the groceries. He gets gas money from his parents. He is 39 yrs old!

Answer 1

My sympathy goes out to you for the loss of your first husband.Sound's to me like you are married to a very immature man why at his age is he getting gas money from his mom.That right there is a huge red flag.If your husband is not doing anything around the house then he is not setting a very good example for your children and you need to ask yourself why are you with him.If he is not pitching in around the house then he should not be expecting your children to either but you should.You need to teach your children responsibility and right from wrong.Your 12yr old son and even your 9yr old are both old enough to take out the garbage.Your husband is a bad example of what family life and responsibility is all about.You need to sit down and talk to your husband and explain to him that it is hard to ask the children to be responsible when a grown man is not showing any responsibility.You really need to take a close look at your relationship with your husband.If your husband is not willing to be a man and pitch in then maybe he is not for you.You have to do what is best for you and your children.Marriage is an equal partnership and it does'nt sound like he is wanting a marriage it sound's like he wants a maid and servants.You need to take control of this situation and make the appropriate changes.Please raise your children to be responsible people.If your husband has been sitting around for 5yrs and letting you support the family he should be ashamed of himself don't allow him to use you or your children.Good Luck to you.

Answer 2

First of all the kids should help out some and so chores around the house BUT they should not have to do all of the work either... I have no idea what his share is like maybe he should mop the floors and do laundry... You do the dishes and cook and vacuum and the kids should clean their rooms and maybe the older can take out the garbage and the younger can maybe clear off the table or something like that... If your husband refuses to do anything then you and the kids do it and ignore your husband and let him be lazy .... I know that each person should pick up after themselves and clean their own messes.... Do you or your husband work outside of the home... Also if the kids do extra chores why dont you give them a little allowance... This will help them want to do things and help around the house. I wish you the best.

Answer 3

Maybe that was the way he was treated when he was younger or he just was a spoiled brat.....but don"t treat him wrong just because he do it to you it can cause serious problems....come on you guys are married and there should be no share in a marriage and yes the children must be able to do chores so they can have some type of knowledge of taking care of a home and as long as he's paying bills he shouldn't have to worry about cleaning up but he should worry about fixing things around the house and doing things for your kids

Answer 4

Well, you made a bad choice in men then..I think you need to tell him that if he wants to be in this family, he needs to do what he HAS to not what he WANTS to do so that YOU can stay at home, and take care of the kids, the home, the chores, and make sure bills get get paid. Once there are kids, the mother should ALWAYS stay home to raise them properly. Tell him to be a man or he's out. And if and when that happens, you shouldn't date until the kids are grown.

As for telling your 12 y/o old son to take out the trash, give hima small incentive to do so. "If you take out the trash this week, I'll throw in an extra few bucks in your allowance" or "if you do as your told, without me having to ask more than 2 times, then you can stay up an hour or so later" Make it so he WANTS to make his mother happy.

if he doesn't do what he's told, take stuff away. Take the tv, the radio, his favorite outfit, stop taking him to school, make him ride the bus, stop making his fave lunch for school (make him make it, or eat at school) Take away the computer, cell phone, ground him, ipod...pretty much everything he doesn't "NEED" to survive. (all he needs is food, clothing and shelter..no ipod, no cell phone, no PS3 none of that) Same goes for the 9 y/o. Enfornce your rules, but don't NAG about them. Tell them twice, and if they don't do it, punish them. Don't tell them you are going to punish them and not do it. Don't even say they are on punishment, just go into their room and start taking things away.

good luck.

Answer 5

My husband works but he is just as lazy at home, leaves his stuff everywhere and such. It's very hard because I try to teach my children to be responsible. I'm not a clean freak, but I do like the house in order, so that one can find what they're looking for. Anyway, I got myself into this. All I can do is set a good example for my kids, insist they do their part. My husband needs to make the move to change, I can't do that. Getting angry and nag doesn't help, although at times, I do let it out and soon regret it. It never makes things better, just worse. Try and do your share and have the kids do the same. Ignore the lazyness of your husband and smile (even if you have to fake it). He will look at you differently and who knows, maybe even change.

Answer 6

Your husband may be under alot of stress. When my husband works all day, he comes home tired. We have teenage kids in the house and we have tried to teach them to respect their surroundings and , therefore, it is their responsibility to help maintain the home. Since they were your kids ages, they do dishes, sweep and take out the trash. It teaches them responsibility and to take pride in their accomplishments and their home. As far as your husband goes, if he's been trying to start this business and has failed, maybe he should just find a better job and put the other business on hold for awhile. It takes the entire house to make a household work and it sounds like he needs to take on more of the financial responsibility instead of putting that strain on you. Suggest to him to, not give up his dream, but possibly put it on hold until the kids are grown and out on their own. Every dollar counts when you're raising children.

Answer 7

LOL I agree with sarah. But as far as your kids its good to make them do some things around the house. I personally think that lay about men (and women) are that way because they were given that expectation as a child. Dont work themto the bone but instill in them a realization that work is a good thing perhaps use your lay about husband as an example of what they should NOT grow up to be. Take the negative and turn it into a learning op

Answer 8

At 12 and 9 the most they should be doing is straightening out their rooms, your husband on the other hand should be showing by example, chores that are done around the house....then, and only then, should he expect the kids to chip in, not do it all. They are children not slaves.

Answer 9

Sorry to say it but your husband needs to grow up. He seems stuck in his teens with impossible dreams and expectations of "fair share" that don't exist.

In case the kids aren't doing any work around home, they should be able to handle the trash, laundry folding, dusting and keeping their rooms clean. But they are constrained by their homework. Your husband should understand that. What he really needs to do is find a proper job.

Answer 10

you are a sucker! Personally, I would pack up myself and the kids and leave. I do believe that children need to have household chore responsibilities, but you also have to teach by example. What your husband is teaching is how to sponge off someone. Tell him if he expects the children to be pulling their weight, you expect him to be paying 1/2 the bills and give him the $$ amount he owes. You really need to reconsider staying in this relationship - honestly