I have been married for 5 years and 2 years dating prior to that. We have 2 children together. My husband first cheated on me while we were dating but he chose to lie and denied it. Not having actually caught him red handed, I forgave him and continued with the relationship. Then while we were engaged and I was pregnant, he cheated and again lied and denied it. I felt like I knew the truth , but he always was prepared with another lie and never admitted to any of it. It wasn't until after we were married that he finally confessed to the infidelity. So, now after 5yrs of marriage and 2 children I feel like I have no other option then to forgive him since it all happened so long ago. I would love to put it all behind me, but I feel like he's gotten away with murder, and I've been cheated into a relationship that I didn't freely choose to be in.
Does anybody have any advice on how to deal with this?? or what I should do?
2007-01-28 23:43:10 · 13 answers · asked by gg55 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Do you NOT see a pattern here? He cheats....you forgive! He cheats, you forgive......and on, and on, and on! At what point are you going to accept the fact that he is a cheater, that his cheating is NOT your fault, that you deserve better than to be treated and mis-treated like this, and MOVE ON? You DESERVE better than THIS!
2007-01-29 00:02:41 · answer #1 · answered by olderbutwiser 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
OH honey..If he cheated on you while you were dating and then again while you were engaged I can guarantee he has cheated on you while you have been married.Ofcourse he lied and denied it to you that is what cheaters do they are deceptive,dishonest untrustworthy people.Once a cheat always a cheat.Trust is everything in a relationship/marriage without trust you have nothing.What you need to ask yourself is do you trust him if the answer is no then you need to get divorced.Don't stay with him just because you have children together that is the worst mistake that parents make.When parents stay together"because of the kids"that is a crock of poop because in the end the children pay the ultimate price of being raised in an unhappy home.They have done so many studies with older children that had parents that said they stayed together because of the kid's and all the kid's responses were that they wished their parents would have just gotten divorced.Also how can you stay with a man that cheats what do you think that teaches your children surely you don't want them to grow up and think that it is acceptable behavior.You have to want better for yourself and your children.You do not have to forgive him for being unfaithful you deserve better don't allow him to disrespect you in that way.He will only continue to lie to you and he will tell you anything that you want to hear for you not to leave him but you need to be strong and get rid of him.I have been in your situation.THis man is not for you.You will meet the right man that will love you and be true to you he will also love your children.I made it and so will you.I am now married to a wonderful man that loves my child like his own.Get a divorce and move on also make sure that he pay's child support he still has an obligation to take care of your children.Please don't stay trapped in an unhealthy and unhappy marriage you deserve better..Good Luck.
2007-01-29 00:02:20 · answer #2 · answered by Maureen B 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
People actually exist like this?
Now, let's take stock of the situation:You knew going in that he cheated on you. You still went ahead. Now, you are crying and say he cheated on you. You look at it yourself. Does it look right to you?
Fast forward 10 years. How many more cheating went on in the past 10 years? That you actually knew. And, the ones you didn't.
Point here is a cheater will always be. It's your choice. You have given him enough rope. Now it is time to tighten that noose around his neck.
I know with 2 children, you will be a single mother. But it is better than living this way.
2007-01-29 00:03:11 · answer #3 · answered by Nightrider 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get rid of him - and NOW!!! it doesnt matter that you have been married for 5 or 50 years!! you dont deserve to be treated like that!! My boss - whom now i am very good friends with - had the same thing happen to her! She is 40 years old.. had been married to this guy since high school.. has had 3 kids with him - found out that he had been cheating on her for years and years... she too was pregnant with her 2nd child when he was out playing around! She one day got so fed up with him cheating and treating her disrespectfully - that she packed her and the kids up and got out of there!! She has her own place that she rents - which is right near the lake - has more friends then ever - has a great social life and She is now in an awesome relationship - the guy treats her like a queen and her kids are happy as well!!!
Stop putting yourself in that situation - you dont deserve it and he doesnt deserve you!!!
2007-01-28 23:53:30 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, but u knew he cheated u knew in your heart that he did, even way before he ever confessed, "you" chose to believe the lie then..but deep down u knew the truth whether u wanted to fully admit it to yourself or not.. So what really has changed? U knew then, u know now.. only difference is, he finally admitted to it..to say u were decieved, wouldnt exactly be true cause u knew it all along.. u just decided u'd rather wear blinders then facing the truth at that point.. which is something we tend to do.. which is why theres the saying "love is blind" ..
Now with that being said, i think u knew what u were getting urself into..i think u hoped that things would change, that it was all a last fling of sorts.. but is it? can u fully ever trust him? i mean 5 years from now will u find out that he was cheating on u now? maybe this time to find ur answer in whether u should stay or go..is to search and listen to your heart this time with out the blinders.. u know ur husband.. u know ur instincts.. has he been faithful since being married? if he has, then u forgave him then , u should forgive him now since all thats changed is he admitted to it ..u have a family and u shouldnt make a life altering decision purely based on what almost seems like wanting an excuse to get out of it (your marriage).. because uve known all along.. u just rather of given him the benefit of the doubt rather then listening to ur gut.. but that was 5 years ago.. so for u to not forgive him now for things that happened 5 years ago would be a cop out..
2007-01-28 23:55:40 · answer #5 · answered by brwneyedgrl 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Get a divorce cause it is a reality that you cannot trust him at all . you know the old saying once a cheater always a cheater . I believe that . He lied how many times to you ? and yet you chose to stay with him oh no that was your first mistake was letting him use you for a door mat and that is what you are to him . Because everytime he cheated you forgave him so now he knows that you will forgive him everytime he cheats . Believe me they do it more than twice it is an obession . Now you see you must divorce him because you will never be happy with him . You cannot trust him cause he has lied so many times to you and cheated on you more than once . Why are you staying with him do you like being his doormat ? good luck .
2007-01-29 03:40:21 · answer #6 · answered by Kate T. 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Marital counseling would be helpful. If you forgive, you'll have to stick by it and not throw it in his face thereafter. Let him know how you feel, that he got his cake and ate it too, but that you feel betrayed and hurt. I fel for you and I hope it all works out for the best, but you need to deal with these feelings or else it will poison your marriage even more than the infidelity.
2007-01-28 23:56:07 · answer #7 · answered by McB 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
First of all, you DID make choices here. You chose not to check this situation out before getting pregnant by the man. You chose to marry him even though you knew he was a cheater.
This is not to say that you are responsible for his actions - they stink. But you must accept that you had a part in creating your present situation.
You must either forgive him and move on; or you must leave him. You cannot continue to live as you are. If you want to stay, insist on marital counselling.
2007-01-28 23:53:44 · answer #8 · answered by Terri J 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
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2016-02-10 22:49:57 · answer #9 · answered by Kathern 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It depends on how you think about it. "Cheating" can also be defined by a wife's lack of sensitivity toward her husbands needs.
Ask yourself ... why are you not encouraging him to have girlfriends?
2007-01-29 00:05:49 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋