says he will marry me when i provide a child.We currently live together in his house, but i fear if the ivf does not work he will trade me in for someone else as he desperately wants a child of his own.He says he will marry me when i get pregnant,but i feel he doesnt love me enough to marry me now,if i do get pregnant i have said i wont marry him and the child wont take his name.do you think im being unfair as he thinks i am.I love him very much and he says he loves me, we have been given a very good chance that the ivf will work but he still wont commit .
2007-01-28 23:11:15 · 23 answers · asked by happylove_bunny 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He knew when he met me that i couldnt have kids because i have been sterilised he knew this and we have been together 8 years
2007-01-28 23:43:48 · update #1
thanks to everyone for all your advice,i showed him ur responses and he said he was just protecting his house/money/ he doesnt want me to get half, if he marries me without some collateral get him eh!!!
2007-01-30 01:03:52 · update #2
The guy sounds like a complete a-hole!!
He should want to marry you because he loves you - and that is that - he is just making up excuses to put it off - get rid!!
2007-01-28 23:15:07 · answer #1 · answered by Carl N 2 · 3⤊ 2⤋
I have read this 3 times already and I'm still checking it again to make sure i didn't get the wrong end of the stick.
You are living with a man who won't marry you unless you get pregnant, and if you do get pregnant-which you would have to have ivf to do-then you won't give the child their fathers name OR marry him because he wouldn't marry you without you being pregnant. Right?
I really hope that this question's designed to get people venting because if you are serious you need your head examined.
If you and you partner go ahead and have a child together you are beyond irresponsible. To bring a child into a relationship which is quite clearly deeply flawed is abhorrent. From what I understand ivf is no joke process-wise, do you really think that your partner will support you unconditionally throughout? Will you be able to live with yourself if you do get pregnant, knowing that the father of your child is ONLY there because of the child? If he loves YOU then he will marry YOU-and children will be an added bonus.
"Are you being unfair?" you ask.
YES, ABSOLUTELY-to any child you bring into this equation-what you see fit to inflict on yourself emotionally is your business.
2007-01-29 00:01:24 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Eh why do you need to ask others for help with this!!
He wont marry you until you have a child!! i thought marriage was about loving each other and nothing to do with being able to provide him a child!!
If he wont commit to you now when yous have taken the huge step to try and have a child together! What happens if there is a problem with the child or its not the sex he wants ??
For the sake of yourself and any children you may have get out now!!
2007-01-28 23:46:52 · answer #3 · answered by Molly 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
a man has a dream - to have a child. yes he loves u, but if u doesn't provide him with a child he will leave u. his dream is very important for him. this is not bad - if u have a child together u will be the happiest couple ever - he will be grateful to u for fullfilling his dream. but if u re not able to get pregnant there is no use to continue relationships - he will get diasppointed and your life will be like hell - he will blame u for everything and will leave u anyway. so i personally think that he is a good man - he is honest and iformed u in advance what deos he want from your relationships - a child
those people here are so dumb, i can't believe people can be dumb as that. but maybe they re all just 12 years old. having a dream isn't bad. and if u fullfill someone's dream he will make u the happiest woman on eartn out of gratitude, cos u will make him happiest man on earth
2007-01-28 23:20:07 · answer #4 · answered by jacky 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I have to say this is ridiculous. Basing your relationship on whether or not you can have a child with him is wrong. Love does not care and if he truly loved you, he would marry you anyway. I mean, even if you tried to have a child after you were married and could not, you could alway adopt. There are many other options and to try to force you to have a child before marriage is absurd. I personally would leave him so fast he would not know what hit him. Good Luck!!
2007-01-28 23:18:51 · answer #5 · answered by justme 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Ok,, he sounds like a bit of a D1CK..
Ive been living with my girlfriend as common law man and wife for 2 years now. We have 5 kids, and none of them are biologically mine.
She has also been sterilised and she would love to have a child by me. We recently found out that she cant have her sterilisation reversed and our best option would be I.V.F. not that were planning on it at the moment.
We are very much planning on getting married after I have been to Uni and finished my course (4yrs from now). The fact that I don't have any kids of my own and that she can't provide them with out I.V.F. is not a consideration.
I love her for her, not for what she can give me..
Looks to me like you could be doing better for yourself.
2007-01-29 07:43:50 · answer #6 · answered by badassbiker1974 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
he sounds horrendous. does he love you for you, or your womb? if you do stay with him, and get pregnant, don't marry him, and go on your own when you register the child - that way his rights are very limited over the child (he sounds very controlling, so probably a good thing) and if it doesn't work out you can live elsewhere etc without having to go through the courts. good luck
2007-01-29 01:09:49 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If he is demanding you to get pregnant before he will commit, then he is not committing to you at all. He does not respect you or your feelings in the relationship. No one who loves you would pressure you into anything or place such conditions on you. At this point, you need to simply break off the relationship and take some time for you. When your ready to find someone new, find someone you can talk to and you enjoy being with.
2007-01-28 23:19:29 · answer #8 · answered by fly guy 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋
This guy doesn't want you, he wants a kid. Who's to say that once he has a kid, he won't place other demands on you? If it's a girl, will he insist that you bear him a boy as well? Or vise versa? Whenever someone starts putting conditions on their love and commitment, it is a bad situation and you need to get out.
Consider the consequences. Having a baby is a huge responsibility and a huge commitment. It is not something to be taken lightly or to be used as a bartering tool.
2007-01-28 23:17:39 · answer #9 · answered by wnk 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Forget that guy. If he's acting like that then he's not worth your time. If he loved you, he'd be willing to marry you for you...not your ability to reproduce witth him. A very plausible reason for not having children yet is you weren't meant to with this man. I suggest getting yourself out of that situation, and let him move on. I believe he is setting you up for failure.
2007-01-28 23:32:01 · answer #10 · answered by Vanessa I 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Drop him. Seriously, why are you still with this bozo? And what's up with him not wanting you to get half??? Run far far away and don't look back. Find a man who will love you for yourself and understand your situation, and work TOGETHER with you to decide what to do about it- adopt, don't have kids, surrogacy, etc.
2007-01-30 04:53:16 · answer #11 · answered by gafpromise 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋