Im 9 weeks pregnant and my partners parents are starting to call my baby thiers!?

Question

I'm 20 and i live with them they are really good people but recently they been calling my baby thiers and ours! It seems like thier trying to take over and when the baby comes they say im not going to get alook in, how can i tell them without upsetting them its my baby not thiers and i will be looking after the baby myself? i dont want them to be hurt by what i say but i really think they need to know. The other day they had been discussing what my babys education will be like they said between themselves he/she is going to go to school thier going to make him do his homework on time, i feel as if though the baby im carrying is for them when its not its my baby!! please help!!

Answer 1

Prediction: In one year you will not be living there.
Two: Your partner will side with his parents and you will leave him.

Save you and your baby quickly. Beware of the in-laws!!!!

xxB

Answer 2

Firstly, move out! I don't think you need to worry, they are just getting carried away because they are exited about being grandparents. At the end of the day, it is YOUR baby and no body can make decisions about your baby other then you and your boyfriend because you both are the parents, if they do seem like they are taking over when the baby is born just humour them to keep the peace and then do exactly what you want to do. They cannot make you do anything you don't want to, because you are the mother. I think you need to look for a place to stay with your boyfriend and baby so you can be a family together. It is probably the fact that you are all living so close together that they feel a 'right' to overly involve themselves, but cut them some slack too, they are obviously very exited to be grandma and grandpa so be gentle with them. On the other hand you could tell them straight but I think that may cause friction, I say wait it out and just make your own decisions and expectations vocal and maybe they will realise.

Answer 3

OK, they seem a little excited right now, that's OK at the moment its only talk until the baby arrives. Don't act to hastily..no-one in the world can prepare you for the arrival of your baby...it is an experience that will change your life forever. Also in the first few weeks especially, your hormones will be all over the place, you may find that Grandparents come in very handy for lots of different reasons.

Don't worry I am not siding with them...I would hate this situation...I am just saying to act tactfully in case you need their help and by all means if it looks like Nan and Pop want to take over to much even after baby comes along, you have every right to remind them that it is your baby and you and babies father will make the decisions and do the disciplining...but please do it nicely...these people will be your babies Grandparents forever...

Answer 4

Hiya!
I hjad a similar problem hun, we don't live with them or even in the same place but his mum has been telling me all through my pregnancy how she has planned holidays for 10 years,i should use terrie nappies etc etc etc. it doesn't sound a lot to other ppl but it makes you feel out of control and as if you are being called a bad mother :( I got so stressed about it an eventually spoke to my husband about it, he was great about it all and started to tell his mother when she was being too pushy. Baby is here now and tomorrow he meets te in-laws for the first time, I'm dreading it but trust me, once your baby is here you will find your voice. The love and protection you feel are so strong that nobody will be able to tell you what to do and you will feel strongly enough to tell them that. They are probaly very excited and don't realise what they are doing but just politely tell them your thoughts when they discuss issues such as education, then they will realise that they don't need to discuss things for you and you do know what you are doing :) Good luck Hun, you'll be fine and enjoy baby, he's what matters xxxx

Answer 5

Go to your local housing office to see about them re housing you because you need your space. Do not give them a spare key. Try to talk to them about how they are the grand parents and you and your partner are the parents and you whilst you are over the moon that they are so pleased about the baby, maybe they would like to take a step back and let you and your boyfriend make your own mistakes. Ask them for advice on certain things when the baby arrives so that they do not think that you are shutting them out.

Good luck

biggestperlnerd - you are such a ****, why would you think it was funny to say this crap. I bet you are sitting in all on your own night after night and the only pre martial fun you have is with your right hand (after you have sat on it until its numb and you can pretend its someone else)

Answer 6

I really sympathise with you but its very important that if the situation of you living with them is going to work then you need to stand up for yourself now or else they will take over and it will become increasingly difficult to say anything to them. If they are genuinely good people then they will understand your feelings and back off. You are only 9 weeks and coming to terms with your own feelings, if this is what they are like now, Im really sorry to say this but it is going to get a lot worse. Nip it in the bud and if theyre feelings do get hurt better now than later when they have bought evrything and put the cot up in their room.
Stand up for yourself and your unborn baby, you will not regret it, hun. Good luck and I hope your boyfriend is on your side!

Answer 7

Wait till you have the baby, then see how much help you need - you may be grateful that they are so interested! They are just ecxcited. Is it their first grandchild? Give a little bit on this one, smile and agree and don't get yourself stressed about it. Wait and see what happens before you worry about it. As others have said, your circumstances may be entirely different this time next year, so let them have their excitement and their dreams, afer all, they just want what's best for your baby.

Answer 8

It is your baby.
You sound as if you get on ok with these people I wouldn't worry to much at present.
When the baby arrives you may enjoy having them around to give you a break when you need it and you will.
Just let them know that you will appreciate their help but only if and when you need it.
As for school you and your husband as the parents will make choices about such things.
Have you spoken of your concerns with your husband?
If not share with him and see what he thinks about it all.
All the best!

Answer 9

You need to talk to your partner about this before doing anything he needs to know how you are feeling and whether he is going to back you up. If he tries to dismiss it you have to persist and keep telling him until he gets the message. The last thing you want is being stood out on your own. When you have spoken to your partner then tackle his parents as a team. Explain that although you know that they care about you and that this is their Grandchild the way that they are behaving and referring to this baby is making you fel uncomfortable and pushed out. You need to explain that although their advice will be welcomed when ASKED FOR you and your partner will ultimately be making all the decisions. They need to learn where the line is otherwise you may end up battling them for the next 18 years! If they refuse to back off then you may need to consider moving out and let them know it. The stress and upset is not good for you or your baby and they need to know it is all stemming from their behaviour.

Answer 10

what a cheek!!! tell them to naff off. some parents do this, they think they own you, the baby and everything. ask them did you help to concieve it? no, so naff off. tell them this is your baby and everything will be done YOUR way. if they don't like it then tough!! tell them that if they continue to be like this then it will make you upset and angry and you will turn out the opposite way and turn against them. say to them that if that happens then they will never see the baby at all and they will have nothing. if they threaten to throw you out and try playing on that, then say to go ahead because they will be doing you a favour as you will goto the council homeless and you will get a place of your own and you will be gone. they will never see it then or play a part of the excitement of the first 9 months either. if they play it where they say you will need them then say no i won't i have my own family to help me. wether they realise it or not, they are control freaks!!!

Answer 11

This exact same thing happened to me (I had my daughter at 19). Is your partner supportive of you? If so talk to him about how you are feeling and perhaps ask him to have a quiet word with his mum. I'm sure they aren't saying these this to hurt you. They are probbly excited about becoming grandparents and they are starting to imagine the life they are going to have with thier new grandchild. They probably have no idea they have upset so much.