I'm 15 and my name is Ashley, when I was six and in kindergarten I made what was my best friend at the time. Her name is Deanna. We were really close an when we were in second grade my mom tranferred me from private to public school because the school wanted to fail me. The next year the same thing happened to my her. Than she was transferred and she turned on me to hang with the popular kids. She even teased me. Than in sixth grade we became friends again she cut off all her hair so I did do (our hair was really long by cut it off I mean cut it to our shoulders) when we were in eighth grade her mom got remarried so she moved ten minutes away. We sometimes talk on im but she keeps change her im so I won't know what it is, but will im me anyway) her grandparents house is ten minutes away by bike from me. Anyway she came over last week and asked I new if the local convience store asked for id to buy cigerettes. Than i found out she has been smoking for a year. She's 14. What should I do?
2007-01-28 22:35:32 · 13 answers · asked by Anonymous in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Adolescent
Hello Ashley. I want to compliment you on being such a loyal friend. People like you are hard to find these days. As admirable as that is, it sounds to me like you have been a better friend than this person deserves.
When she was transferred to the same school as you she teased you and preferred to hang around with what were considered the popular girls. You remained her friend. You say that she repeatedly changed her name on the instant messenger service that the two of you used to communicate and yet you remained her friend. Her grandparents house is ten minutes away and you are making the effort to see her. She did come over to see you but it sounds like she was interested in buying cigarettes as much as it was to see you. Still you are concerned about her and want to know how you can help her.
I think that you have already gone far beyond what would be expected of a friend. If this person were your sister or if there were actually something you could DO to stop what she is doing, my advice might be different. You could speak to her parents and let them know that she is smoking, they are the ones that may be able to impact her behavior. Still, I am sure that you do not want to do that. If they knew what she was doing it is possible that they might be able to put a stop to it. It would depend on how much control they actually have over her.
I am sure that your "friend" knows the dangers of smoking. It would be hard to be alive today and not know. She is making a conscious decision. It is a sort of self destructive behavior. She is choosing to endanger her health, to smell bad, taste bad, wear clothes that stink, have hands that stink, her hair will smell awful, her teeth will turn yellow......the list is endless. If her parents pay attention at all they will surely notice these things. She can tell them that other people were smoking and that it was not her and if they are naive they may believe that. I am afraid that there is not much you can do to help her.
There is a great deal you can do to help yourself tho! Please DO NOT follow her example and start smoking. When she cut her hair off, you did too. That worries me. I hope that you have reached a point where you now know that following in her footsteps is not a healthy thing for you to do. As a parent I know that it is heartbreaking to watch a child befoul their perfect, pink lungs with cigarette smoke. As a mother who would not even stand in the same room with a person who was smoking when I was pregnant, it has hurt me more than I can say to see one of my children smoke. It feels like a failure although I know intellectually that I did all that I could. Please be strong enough not to pick up a cigarette no matter how this person might tempt you. Perhaps you can reach her by setting a strong example. If she sees that you, who have followed her in the past, refuse to mimic this new, ugly behavior, it may make a difference to her. However do not be surprised if it does not. She does not sound like a person who really cares what others think.
I would still consider an anonymous note or correspondence of some sort to her parents. If my 14 year old was smoking I would appreciate with all my heart that someone cared enough to tell me about it. Do you still go to the same school? Is it possible that you could speak to a guidence counselor about this behavior? I am sure that they would keep your name out of it. Of course it may be that not many people know about her new hobby in which case she is going to blame you anyway. Unless you are prepared for that I would not attempt these things.
Talk to her, let her know how you feel. It will probably not do any good but at least you will know that you tried and that is what matters.
After that I would step back. This person does not sound like she is good for you. Surely a person with your qualities must have friends that appreciate her and care about her. You are a good person and you deserve much better from a supposed friend than what you have been getting.
Do not allow yourself to be used by this person in any way. Unfortunatley we are judged by the company that we keep. I know that is a trite, old fashioned saying but it still happens to be true.
Good luck and take care.
If you care to write to me I would love to hear from you.
Blessings
Lady Trinity~
2007-01-28 23:35:40 · answer #1 · answered by Lady Trinity 5 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Be a leader. Muster up all your strength and tell her smoking is not cool. You may not be able to change her. But don't let her change you either. Tell her that you won't hang out with her when she is smoking because it stinks! I had to grow up with a father that smoked and I am sure I smelled like a cigarette until I moved out to go to college. When she wants to drag you to the store to buy cigarettes tell her NO, she can figure it out herself and that you aren't going to help her do something so unhealthy because you really are her friend. Tell her that as a friend to her, that you wish she'd quit. Sounds like you are an intelligent person, and I am proud of you for knowing what a disgusting habit smoking is and not doing it yourself, it only leads to bad health and death, not to mention being really stinky! You have more power than you may think and if you can influence her not to smoke she will thank you. Be strong and if she is rude to you about the whole thing, she really isn't your friend. She sounds kind of messed up anyway so maybe you should move on and find a different friend.
2007-01-29 01:42:00 · answer #2 · answered by Kat 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have been close friends for a long time and hopefully for a long time to come. Talk to her about the smoking but don't over do it. It is not a good thing from all points of view. Health wise money wise and in the long term as it becomes harder to give up. Just on occasion ask her her point of veiw and possibly and very gently talk about the problems associated with it. As a female one has to be aware that it is very dangerous for the unborn child. Possibly become involved in more exercise walking running creates a need to breath more and fresher air
2007-01-28 22:59:53 · answer #3 · answered by njss 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't do anything but i would find a new friend to hang out with it sounds like she has troubles of her own and is kinda messed up and if she gets in trouble she will bring you down with her. Stay away from her and make better friends if she was mean to you before than she wasn't a really good friend anyway
2007-01-28 22:43:29 · answer #4 · answered by mistiful2001 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My best friend smokes like a chimney. Shes 16, and she started smoking like everyday when she was 15 I think.
2016-03-15 01:43:09 · answer #5 · answered by ? 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
ashley you've done well.make your friend see the hazards in smoking,you could inform her parents if u think they can help her but more importantly i learned an easy way which actually for me is the only way,pray for her.don't let her influence you negatively,let your life be an example,i'm sure she will change and be a better person.
(i would love it if you could contact me.)
2007-01-29 01:54:00 · answer #6 · answered by moremzie 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you can tell her you don't like it, and that you worry about her health. but in the end hon..the only one that can stop her from smoking is HERSELF.
no matter what anyone else says to her, only she can make the change to quit.
it's called addiction. and only your friend can break her addiction when SHE is ready.
you sound like a very sweet friend though.
2007-01-29 01:50:26 · answer #7 · answered by ☆MWφM☆ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know that she is your freind and you might be worried about her, but dont nag her. It will only make her more upset, You can try to ask her why she smokes and tell her that it will ruin the rest of her life, but it might cause her to get mad at you. In the end its really her decision.. even if it is a stupid one. your a good friend! she is very very lucky that you actualy care about her!
2007-01-29 03:33:28 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
She doesn't sound like a good friend anyway. Let her smoke her way into lung cancer, that *****. Why would you want to save a life of someone who doesn't even like you?
2007-01-29 01:46:34 · answer #9 · answered by Juliana P 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
explain the side effects of smoking to her and tell her that you're only telling her this because you care if she doesnt want to quit then you can't really do anything about it
2007-01-28 22:41:32 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋