My friend just told that she went to her doctor's on Friday and was told that her doctor told her that. I wanted to ask more questions, but surely she was not in the mood. She was 18 weeks along. What happens now (to her and the baby)? She said her doctor wanted to wait for a little while to see what was going to happen. Please help me cause I am lost on what happened and how to support her.
2007-01-28 22:32:56 · 9 answers · asked by Someonesmommy 5 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Pregnancy
She is a single mom, so I am wondering is she going to need to be off work for an extended period of time. Is it apropratie for me to give her a gift of money during this time?
2007-01-28 22:45:00 · update #1
i went through the same thing as your friend a year ago. not viable means the baby cannot be saved, either is already dead or will die soon (more than likely already is) they may leave the baby there for awhile to see if it passes on its own. I was in my 19th week and they ended up having to induce and it was a very long and hard process to have to go through knowing that I wasnt gonna have a baby to take home after. As her friend you need to talk to her and let her tell you as much as she is willing (she may not want to discuss) but you need to offer your moral support more than money. Offer to go to the doctor with her, or to sit with her if they induce or do a D and C, and also it is very important at that last stage that she has some sort of counseling which you could also go to with her if she doesnt have anyone else to go with her.
2007-01-29 11:38:06 · answer #1 · answered by CRmac 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The baby is not viable means it cannot live. It could be that that baby has died or there was never a baby in the first place. She could have had what is called a blighted ovum which means the egg and sperm connected, but a baby never formed. She may have the yolk sac but there is nothing in it. Basically science started to work, but for whatever reason things were wrong and the process stopped. You will get a positive pregnancy test when this occurs. Her doctor may be waiting to see if she is in fact pregnant, but the dates are wrong, meaning she is not as far along as she thinks so what the doctor sees is different than what would normally be there at 18 weeks or her doctor is waiting to see if she will naturally miscarry what she has so the doctor will not have to perform a D & C to remove what is in her uterus. This happened to me and it was pretty weird to have a positive pregnancy test and then no baby. The miscarriage did happen and everything did work out. If she is a single mom as you have said this may make things easier on her even though the loss of a baby won't make her feel good even if it is for the best.
2007-01-29 09:44:04 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
Sounds like her doctor should have made the time for her to ask questions ...
It means that she isn't going to carry the pregnancy to full term and will lose the baby. There could be a variety of reasons for this: the embryo may be damaged or even dead, the placenta could be non-functioning, stopping the feotus from getting its proper nourishment ... I would doubt, from the phrasing that the doctor used, that there's the possibility of carrying to term but having a very damaged child to look after (which could present your friend with the option of abortion, with all the angst that this could cause). But it seems dreadful to have her kept in such suspense. Whatever the reason, it seems that one of three things could happen:
(i) the baby will spontaneously abort - i.e. a miscarriage;
(ii) the baby will die and need to be 'removed,' which could mean her having to go into an induced labour in order to give birth to a child she knows to be dead;
(iii) she'll be advised to have a therapeutic abortion because the baby, while alive, isn't likely to survive.
All those are hard choices and she's in for a rough time emotionally and physically. Poor soul.
You sound like a lovely person for wanting to support her. I'd suggest that you make sure that she's told you everything that the doctor told her - because in your place I'd want to know which of the choices she faces, and why. When she's shared this information with you, I'd do some searching on the Net to learn as much about her condition as possible. Then - apart from the usual things that a good friend does - I'd want to be sure that her partner (does she have one?) is also getting support, because he's in for a rough time too. And, depending on how close you are - that is, how much the doctors and nurses will see you as able to act on her behalf - I would be ready to make sure that the inevitable hospital stay is handled as sympathetically as possible - for example, that she has a private room if at all possible and is kept away from seeing mothers who've just had a successful birth (that can happen and it's very traumatic); that she has the opportunity to care for the foetus afterwards, say goodbye in her own way, give it whatever funeral rites she thinks appropriate. Some hospitals still want to pretend that it never happened and think that the mother will recover more quickly if it's all glossed over, whereas there's a lot of experience to say that it's really important to say farewell, have a funeral or memorial if that's what she wants, etc. I would also look for some support groups for her (although a good hospital might already have referred her to them).
All of you have a long and tough road ahead, and I wish you well. Bless you for loving her so much.
2007-01-29 07:01:42 · answer #3 · answered by mrsgavanrossem 5 · 3⤊ 1⤋
Hm i probably wouldnt give money, but i dont know your friend so im not sure.
Not viable means, the baby died, or has some defect that will keep it from growing but it is still alive (she might need a D/C) or something like that. If she doesnt miscarry on her own the doc will do the D/C on her. It might take a couple of days in the hospital since she is so far along.
2007-01-29 09:05:38 · answer #4 · answered by mikeysprincss 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It means the baby is most likely no longer alive -- or won't live.
Either your friend will miscarry without any medical intervention, or the doctor will have to perform an abortion to remove the dead fetus.
Sorry about the bad news...
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As for a gift of money: some people take offense at recieving money, however well intentioned.
I would suggest helping her out by cooking her meals when she is recovering, doing her grocery shopping for her, or other helpful things. She will probably appreciate it deeply.
2007-01-29 06:36:59 · answer #5 · answered by Victoria 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
It means that the baby has either died inside her.
or the baby may not survive once it is born.
I'm sorry to hear about this. I hope your friend is OK.
You just need to be there for her when she is ready to talk to you. Sometimes a listening ear can help the healing process along.
I wish you all the luck
2007-01-29 06:52:20 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 1⤋
the baby has probably already died inside her, and the doctor wants to wait to see if it comes away naturally or whether she will need medical intervention - ie a d&c operation. She will need a lot of support, emotiionally and physically too.
2007-01-29 06:41:38 · answer #7 · answered by essdee 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
not viable means the baby can't live, or there is something wrong like a abnormality that is not compatiable with life. Or the baby is already dead. Sorry
2007-01-29 06:36:52 · answer #8 · answered by jess 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
goto webmd.com it will explain it to you.
2007-01-29 06:46:17 · answer #9 · answered by Hard Core Dance Poles 4 · 0⤊ 3⤋