we had been going through a rough patch so i partly blamed myself, so i decided to take him back only to find out a month later that hed been seeing her for three years,it has just killed me inside and i know who she is and what she looks like ,then i found out my sister inlaw who is her best friend knew about it all along and did nothing about it although she was going through the same thing at the time and i was there for her all the time making sure she was ok, so i feel doubly betrayed,especially as she chose to comfort her friend and not me or my children,we dont speak now and some times i feel guilty please help.
2007-01-28 22:05:24 · 9 answers · asked by kerry b 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Do NOT feel guilty. What that lowlife scum of a husband did was NOT your fault and you need to quit blaming yourself. Pick yourself up girl. Go on with your life.
2007-01-28 22:11:37 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I just know how you feel. Mine was close to home as well
and I don,t see my family anymore. Mine too had been going
on for three years - difference being - nothing physical - but
texts and e-mails. I blamed myself at first. But after talking
loads to my husband we knew we were both to blame because
we did not have a good sexual relationship. So there were
problems in our marriage. When I found them out I thought
it was the end of the world. But it made me realise that I DID
love my husband after all. We have got through it. Talked and
talked. No barriers now. We are like a couple of teenagers
and we are making up for lost years. It is just sad that something
like this had to happen before we got our life back on track.
So please, DON,T feel guilty. YOU are the one that has been
doubly betrayed. Your sister in law should have told you. Or
at least said to your husband 'if you don,t tell her then I will'.
I too would not speak to her. She chose who she wanted to
stand by. As for your husband, you did not say if you were
still with him. If you are, it will take a long, long time for him
to build the trust in you. But I hope you are okay and can get
through this mess - all of which was not your doing. Good Luck!
2007-01-29 06:40:53 · answer #2 · answered by Minxy 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If I had a husband that was that bad, I would leave him real quick. You can not stay with a man who has been unfaithful to you for so long, and his sister is bad too, to you. You need to get out of that family because you can not trust anyone. Join myspace or some dating sites. Try and meet new people this family you have adopted have not been good to you and they are not to be trusted . You said you have children and that is most probably why your husband is still with you, and you don't want that, you need someone to love you. Your husband is having what sounds like the best of both worlds, family life and a lover on the side. They all sound like a terrible lot, what they are doing behind your back. If I was you I would file for a divorce, the chances are that you will have customy of the kids, because he is the one who has done wrong. You don't want your children growing up in a family were the father dosn't respect the mother, and that is what you are going though.You need to get out to meet other people maybe with single girls friends of yours, and maybe you should join some clubs so you can meet respectful people. I don't know how old the children are but maybe you have family or friends that can look after them whilst you are going out. You need to get out of your present situation because your husbands family is no good to you.
2007-01-29 06:35:45 · answer #3 · answered by mellouckili 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
your not the one who did any thing wrong so u should have no guilt, a little humiliation is all u should feel. u will never be able to be friends with your sister in law again, and it is going to be a long hard road to forgiveness, u are not to blame for his cheating, he chose to do it, as marriages aren't perfect, their are storms in it, u don't just go out and cheat because their are problems in the marriage. if he has been seeing her for 3 years how do u know he won't leave your marriage to be with her permanently, 3 years of cheating is way too much, personally i wouldn't have been able to take him back after i found it out, not due to pride, or ego but because i wouldn't want my heart broken again. good luck life is never easy, and u have a hard decision to make. this other woman is so close to family it may be hard for him to really end it with her.
2007-01-29 09:05:41 · answer #4 · answered by jude 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Don't feel guilty about making the right decision to cut yourself away from these cancers and try to live some sort of normal life. I only wish I had made the decision to cut myself away from my husband and his family 18 yrs ago. He was having an affair on me, I didn't know he was havivg this affair, but his mom knew and never did anything about it, she actually embraced him being with this other woman. 2yrs later he was with this tramp one night when they were in a car accident, he was left paralyzed and guess who was there to pick-up the pieces and create some sort of stabile life for my kids? Yes, it was me. I don't regret taking care of my kids and making sure their lives were as close to normal as possible, thats the job of a real mom. But I do regret giving up a huge part of my life for a man that never gave anything up for me. Here I am 18yrs later, and once again I am picking -up the pieces and starting all over again after his death back in June.
2007-01-29 08:04:20 · answer #5 · answered by "N"saysable 1iric 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It seems your husband is not at all faithful , he is doings things behind your back and on top of it lying too, I feel very bad for you and can under stand what you must be going through, but be strong and force your husband to leave her at least for the sake of your children and about your sister in law she is also to be blamed for all of this . Good you dont talk to her anymore.
2007-01-29 06:16:33 · answer #6 · answered by strawberry 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I understand and feel your pain... You will need counseling and help to get past the pain this has caused you and your marriage... Is he wanting to change and work on restoring your marriage? If so seek counseling and help for you and for this marriage or this will just fall apart and get worse. Do not feel guilty for how you are feeling as this is normal.... You need time to heal and get past this and over time learn to forgive.... I wish you the best and hope and pray that you can save your marriage.If your husband does not change and he continues to cheat and he does not want the marriage then seperate and file for divorce.
2007-01-29 06:20:02 · answer #7 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first of all you were betrayed by your husband who was cheating on you for three years. second you were betrayed by your sister in law who is your family. just because she may be your family doesn't mean that she is your friend and doesn't mean that you have to be treated like crap. well...now you know. so instead of just sitting there feeling bad about the entire thing...just pack your bags and start a new life for yourself. what do you want to do? don't sit there and wait on him anymore. he has made his choice as far as who he wants to be with...so now you have to make yours.
2007-01-29 07:43:57 · answer #8 · answered by cfalways 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
let go of the guilt....she is a lousy friend and you don't need people like that in your life....move on...make a new life for you and your kids and don't look back...good luck
2007-01-29 06:10:04 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋