I love my husband, but I am not in-love with him. I don't cheat, and I treat him very well. We've been together for 5 years, he used to cheat on me, and there was a time where abuse was an issue. Since then he choose to get help, and is now a better person. I just don't trust him, and I haven't been in love for a long time. I don't want to leave him now that he has done so much to make things work - I guess it was too late. Is it pointless to stay? I do care about him, my heart is just not in the relationship - I have told him, and he just tries harder to do things he thinks will make me happy... Is there a way I can fall back in love? What would you do?
2007-01-28 21:48:10 · 12 answers · asked by West 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
He is in the military, and I have been living away from him to attend medical school - the separation has made me miss him, but that connection is still not there anymore. Love, but not in love means I love him like a family member, or a friend that I care about, but I just don't love him in that romantic way anymore - No I don't mean sex, that is not important to me.
2007-01-28 21:56:59 · update #1
I think you could improve the marriage and heal your heart. It sounds like he is doing everything right. I would seek counselling for myself to see if I could be happy in the relationship and put the past behind me. Look for ways to get the love back. Best wishes.
2007-01-28 21:56:13 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
my dear, I feel your pain. I'm not married, but I've been in a loveless relationship, and my greatest fear is being in a loveless marriage! I would like you to make an effort. It seems that the issues of the past have drained you emotionally and so you feel no desire to continue. Thats understandable, it happens to people who dont even have cheating and abuse as issues. You should explore what made you marry him in the first place: do you still do those things? When you were courting what did you do together that you enjoyed? Can you still do those things? Try to write down stuff that you enjoy doing, and among them check if there are things you'd like to do with him, and ask him to do them with you. Vice versa too. Talk with him, not to him. Go for counselling alone or together. Get a vacation. Join a women support group or club. Boost your self confidence. Pray. Continue being the good wife that you are. I believe that there is hope for the both of you, dont give up now! I wish you the very very best of luck. You sound like a good woman!
2007-01-29 06:01:56 · answer #2 · answered by blueheartz 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My husband and I had this problem last year. So we got counseling, Our counselor suggested that we start all over again getting to know each other,because we both had changed a lot over the years. We would go on these date nights and try new things, and every night we had to dedicate an hour to each other of just honest talking about each others feelings and actually make time for each other(we were both workaholics)So far we are doing better,but I would honestly suggest seeing a marriage counselor to help. If the counselor doesn't help,then it might be time to look at ending the relationship.
2007-01-29 05:55:24 · answer #3 · answered by lily_shaine 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I felt exactly the same as you in my marriage. He, however, was not trying as hard as yours. He did me the favor and continued cheating and everything else until he finally left. I am now with someone else. I realized for a long time that I was not even attracted to my husband anymore. You are not doing him an favors by sticking around. You are denying him and yourself a relationship with someone who truly wants to be completely involved. I would try a counselor first, but my true advice, coming from experience, is that it is not possible to repair things at that point.
2007-01-29 05:55:43 · answer #4 · answered by theartisttwin 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know of several cases that are just like yours. Some of them are in my family. Cousins et cetera. One in particular they were ready just to throw in the towel and give it up. They couldn't take each other at this point. For all their weaknesses et cetera became to much. But they realized, if there was even just one reason to save the marriage, they would work hard with motivation of that one reason in mind. It may be hard for you to feel head over heals with your husband, and I am sure the past issues play a huge role and I think they always will unless you can get passed it. I think it is half the reason you find it hard to fall back in love with him. Not that he hasn't changed or anything, but you may still look at him and see a former. Have you forgiven him in your heart? I think you both need "you" time. You need to spend time in the things you both did before getting married. Things that helped rekindle the relationship. I hope you both can work it out and I give him thumbs up for stepping up to the plate and being a real husband to you. I give you thumbs up for at least looking for advice and not just jumping out of something without some thought in it. I wish you both alot of luck and I hope the passion can be rekindled. Blessings
2007-01-29 05:59:52 · answer #5 · answered by Shannon 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Get help and counseling so that you can fall in love with him again... Falling out of love is never an answer to leave or get out of a marriage... You need to look at what made you so called fall out of love with him. Does he still love you? Since he is a better person and has gotten help then it is your place as his wife to get the help you need to heal and to get past this and to work on your marriage. You can fall back in love if you choose to hon but you may need help to do so... Try marriage counseling as well!
2007-01-29 06:14:27 · answer #6 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sometimes, you have to just get out of that relationship, no matter how difficult that may seem. All the growing he's done, will be greatly appreciated by the next woman that he is with, and I'm sure you have learned a few things in those 5 years as well.
Good luck.
2007-01-29 05:53:17 · answer #7 · answered by oh_what_a_wabbit 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like the ol standard "you can't live with him.but can't live without him". Don't rush into anything. Time helps in alot of ways. Give it some more time, and then after a few months, move on. Good Luck sweetie.
2007-01-29 06:35:52 · answer #8 · answered by K.W. 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
no, you deserve to be in love, and he deserves to be loved. this is not a good match, and it is dishonest to stay in this relationship. is this how you want to spend the rest of your life?
and if you have kids, they will be unhappy if you are unhappy. it would be a terrible example to any children of how to have a healthy relationship. would you wish this type of existence on your own daughter, if you had one?
if it counseling doesn't make it better, i'd say it was time to call it a day.
2007-01-29 05:54:35 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
If there's children involved, think what is the best for them. If not, think if you want to live this life for the next 10-20 years. You know the answer.
2007-01-29 06:09:26 · answer #10 · answered by ranselbiru 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋