What is his problem?

Question

Me and my husband have been married for about a year and half now and 6 months ago my ex boyfriend who ended up being a pretty good friend of mine died suddenly in an accident.Ever since I've been incredibly angry and withdrawn throwing myself into my work completely and avoiding spending time with friends and family to not to have to think about it.I still have pictures of the guy around the house and in my wallet ,anything to make sure I don't forget and try to visit his grave at least twice a week.Why does my husband have a problem with this?He knows what the guy meant to be so why is he making an issue out of it?I'm just grieving.

Answer 1

What is his problem????? He is probably feeling that you have more feelings for this guy than you have for him. Why would you still grieving 6 months afterward? I could see if he was your husband BUT he was your ex and an ex for a reason remember that. Get back to your life with your husband or leave him YOU are not being fair to him

PS How would you feel if he was doing the samething??

Answer 2

Six months is a long time to be visiting the grave site, twice a week, of someone you're not married to. And while I sympathize with you over the loss of a good friend it's maybe time to start putting 'some' of the pictures away. And maybe a few sessions with a grief counselor will help you to put some perspective on the amount of grief you have over someone you held as a friend and not as your husband. I don't mean to sound harsh in any way, and there really is no time limit on grief but there is a time when it shouldn't be all consuming. And I could see where your husband might get the idea that there may have been more between you than just Friends. He needs to be reassured that that was the case and keeping so many reminders of this guy around and visiting the grave so frequently and not being able to concentrate on your life is not very reassuring from his point of view. Do sit back and take a look at your behavior and try to look at it from his side of the fence. I'll pray for you to have a better understanding of yourself and your husband in this particular situation.

Answer 3

This same thing happened to my mother. Yet slightly differently. After my dad left the family for someone else. My mom started a relationship with a wonderful guy. He took as his own. They finally became engaged, but unfortuently just before Christmas he was killed an auto accident, someone fell asleep behind the wheel and crossed into his lane. It was a terrible time for all of us. Not only did we lose our dad to another person, now we lost another person we deeply loved. Eventually mom moved on, but my step-father always had an issue with her former. Even though he had passed on and wasn't returning. He seemed very insecure. Sometimes I wonder if he felt as if he would never have mom as much as Terry did. That moms heart went to the grave with Terry. I think your husband may be feeling the same thing. He may understand your mourning, but he may feel as if you buried your heart in the casket with your x. Cause this is taking away from your family, hubby and such. Maybe inadvertily you are pulling away from him, so he is just letting you resolve this issue on your own, but at the same time, very hurt by your lack of attention your marriage. Goodluck and I am sorry for the loss of your friend, just don't waste your time over him, cause your losing time with the living.

Answer 4

I'm sure he has a problem because you are allowing the dealth of a ex-boyfriend to interfere with your lives....it is certainly expected that you will be sad and that you will grieve but to have pictures still around your house and be withdrawn at this point is excessive...it's time to move on with your life and remember that life is for the living.....reconnect with your husband...and put away the pictures...good luck

Answer 5

turn the situation around.What if this was your husbands dilemma ? Would you feel hurt or jealous that he spent so much time grieving over a woman he once dated ? Pictures in your wallet ? around the house? Ithink you need to take an objective look at how you are reacting and decide if it is appropriate .... you are acting selfish

Answer 6

Sorry to hear about your loss. Your husband might feel insecure, though he may not know why. If he is he is hardly likely to voice how he feels as it seems rather childish to be jealous of a dead person. People generally feel pretty protective of what the come to regard as belonging to them/ or what is important to them especially spouses and any percieved threats will result in poor attitudes and behaviour. Even though consciously your husband knows that he has nothing to fear from the your friend, it maybe the rival for your heart and affections that causes him to feel insecure.

Answer 7

First, please forgive me ...but Texasmale, you are the dumb one, not to mention a straight up A**!"
Sorry, Im ok now, got that out of my system..
I lost my first love 16 years ago, and still grieve, my husband talks to me, well, listens to me and helps me. He knows I loved this man. I'd tell you husband that your ex is no threat he has passed and to grow up. He should have more consideration for your matter at heart. Good luck, I hope you feel better soon. (btw , it may help if you write your ex a letter, go to his grave and read it to him then bury it beside this grave, you wont have to dig very deep)

Answer 8

OK. First, he is your ex and secondly you are married. Even though you feel the need to "make sure that you do not forget" your ex, you need to put more attention to that one that's still live - that is your husband. It is OK to remember the dead, but you need to focus on the living as well. You cannot revive the dead, and your husband needs your attention. Wake up and put attention to the people around you and let your dead ex rest peacefully.

Answer 9

I am sorry for your loss. But you are ovedoing it now.

He has a problem that is justifiable.
You are moping for a dead man more than you are paying attention to him.
And you are married to him.

Also he must want you be cheerful now. Is 6 months. try lead a normal life or you will lose him too.

Answer 10

His main problem is that he hasnt contacted a good divorce lawyer yet.. Sheesh yer kidding me right? If you arent kidding then neither am I...