RACIST COMMENT- How should i feel?

Question

I was at my niece's christening party, and a man that i had been talking to, who knew my name, tried to get my attention by saying "hey, black girl". I couldn't believe it! It took me by so much surprise, but what shocked me more, was the fact that the other people at the party (who heard perfectly well what he had called me) said nothing in my defence, and didn't bother to tell him off for being racist. It genuinely hurt me that my friends (who i ave known for at least six years), would let somebody say something like that to me. How do i deal with this problem? Its like none of them understand how hurt i feel at what that man said.

I don't think you get it- I told him i didn't appreciate whathe said, but what bothers me more is the fact that none of them chose to say anything. And no, being called "black girl", while everybody else is reffered to by their names, is not acceptable.

Jay K- you really are an idiot. try reading the question.

Answer 1

That was very insensitive on his part, and sad that none of your friends who heard that said anything.

There is not much you can do to fix it. The man is ignorant and people like that often can't be helped.....you shouldn't shun your friends for not knowing how to act.... probably the best thing is to confide in ONE friend, just say "you know that comment really hurt my feelings, it made me feel reduced to the color of my skin". Likely you'll get an apology....and rather than hear that from each and every one of your freinds, assume they would feel the same way and say the same thing if you told them too.

Forgiveness is the art of letting go.

Answer 2

what the guy said doesn't sound racist to me - just really rude, but I am black and I think I may understand the pschology behind that....if 'black' meant ugly, even sub-human to some a long long time ago, it's hard to get over the fact that when he called you "black" you took it to mean THAT black - the meaning of which people put down for so long...so I completely understand.

It's like the numbers 9/11 will never mean the same again.

Don't be afraid of saying, "do not ever refer to me that way"....

As for those who didn't stick up for you, let them know how you feel and see what they say. maybe they were as confused as you were.

Answer 3

Are you a black girl, did he lie when he made that comment. Do you feel it was a racist remark because you were the only black girl there and felt that you should not have been singled out because of that fact. Did he call you the "n" word? Did he say hey big hips and big lips? There are a lot worst things you could have been called, stop wearing your color on your sleeve, let it go, be a proud "BLACK GIRL" if you must be "the" black girl in the crowd.

Answer 4

He probably thought he wasn't saying anything wrong and maybe you friends thought the same. Since it hurt you the way it did, talk to your friends about it and let them know. Also, I know you wanted your friends to defend you but there's nothing wrong with defending yourself! If he really offended you then you should've said something to him. I've had that happen to me too..i basically ignored the person because that's not my name and just because he doesn't know me doesn't mean there's no other way to get my attention...there's people like that all over the world. That won't be the last time that happens..trust me. It's really a shame though and it's pretty sad.

Answer 5

You are right to feel like that. It was racist… “ Hey !!!!, my name is John,” or (whatever your name is) that’s what I would have answered. Try to remain calm, your friends know you are hurt, but people these days do not know what to say when faced with racist people. Don’t think all of them are your true friends. They are acquaintances, to you. I would talk to those acquaintances and teach them. When I look at a person I might send a person to talk to the man with the blue shirt, or talk to the woman with the red dress or talk with Mrs. Davis , etc. I have had people come back to tell me why did you not tell me he was “Black” and I tell them, who are you talking about, and then I tell them I never thought of Mr. Davis in that “way” I send you to him, cause he is the best worker I have.
Try to think of that man that hurt you as being dumb and a racist, most of your acquaintances don’t like him neither, they are just afraid of him. Sometimes you have to tell racist exactly what he is. You tell your friends to gang up on that bully and tell him to back off and call you by your name or no one will talk to him. Also, take the strongest person you know in the group and tell the person to help you the next time, that that person is always picking on you. Watch him, or her take that racist out of your way.
Do not let anger stay inside you, it will make you bitter. Take time to make some better friends., and strengthen your bond with those you have.

Answer 6

OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!! You dealt with it better than I would have! I know racism all too well. I am white and so is my husband, but I have a beautiful 13 year old mixed son. His birth father passed away before he was born. I have had to deafened my son almost on a daily basis. I am really sorry THAT person hurt you. Some people just dont get it. I was in a real bad way one day when this lady ran my son over in Wal-mart with her cart, knocked him down (he was 5) and said "Oh well, the little ****** bastered shouldnt of been in my way". Needless to say it took six cops to pull me off of her! But that is my baby!!!!!!!!!!! Just remember You are beautiful. And GOD dont like ugly. What goes around, Comes around.

Answer 7

I was friends with a black guy i found out a lot of blacks especially the girls were racist towards me.oh you act like a plantation slave owner, whitey this, the whites did this .you people did this, I got sick of it, and stopped my friend ship with him,he never stood up for me eather,I was raised to be not critical of people, i did not know how to handle it.Pray aboutit and try to forgive, a black man burned m yhome down after he robbed it., I was kicked till it broke my ribs,in a robbery.so just realize that people or going to be that way.forgiveness is emportant or it will eat you up, and make you do stupid very violent stuff like I did by getting them back,

Answer 8

Well for me anytime someone states the obvious is a pain in my ***. I can also understand your hurt but you cannot allow this one person to affect your thinking about a certain people in general. Keep an open/optimistic mind about the world is my advice. I would let him know what he said what innapropriate and childish and primitive and keep it moving sweetie.
You are beautiful no matter what they say, yes words can bring you down... don't let them bring you down today~ Christina Aguilera~

Answer 9

Are you Black? Did he get your attention? Isn't BLACK the race? Would you have prefered if he said "Hey African American Girl?"
I am half black/ foreigner and I think this black, *****, person of color,the other N word, African-American, just got so touchy and confusing that people of all races just don't know what is the PC word to refer to a black person anymore. This is ridiculous I think that if he intended to humiliate you, the "hey black girl" , would 've been a poor choice, I would have gone for "hey low self- steem / sense of humour- person!, WASUP?!". It seems to me that >>you have a problem with your blackness and act like black is a bad thing. Derrogatory is your attitude. . BLACK IS BEAUTIFUL, EMBRACE IT DON"T GET OFFENDED CELEBRATE IT.
Embrace another cause that one is so Passé.

I'm assuming you're are an AMERICAN whose race is black
And please do not get offended by my use of black ***** and bla bla...

Answer 10

Now that its over you can't obviously say or do anything. You have to stand for youself and defend youself, coz no one else is gonna do it for u. You should have scolded the man there and then. Telling him you have a name to call and thats not the way to call you as. And show him how unhappy you are openly so that he dun mess with you again. Dun worry such ppl do exists and its our duty to take care of ourselves such that we dun get bullied!