My fiance just turned 21 and for his birthday his friends decided to take him out and get him smashed. I wasn't upset with this but later it turns out that they took him to a strip club and paid for a lap dance and everything!!! I've a very insecure person so this completly freaked me out. I told him that I wanted him to promise that it would never happen again and at first he said that he couldn't because he had no control what happened because he drank way too much! He also told me that he kept blacking out so he doesn't even remember the dance really, just bits and pieces, I'm scared that I won't be able to trust him anymore.. and more so that if he blacked out who's to say that more didn't happen? Or worse that in the future more will happen!! How should I handle this? and am I wrong for worrying?
2007-01-28 19:18:46 · 10 answers · asked by angie b 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
It was his 21st birthday. This is a huge milestone in one's life. It would have been a shame if he didn't celebrate with his buddies like everyone does when their young. These are the experiences that we look back on when we are older, and smile and remember what it feels like to be young. If I were you, I wouldn't worry about it -- he's young and deserves to enjoy his youth, as should you. Once the whole mystery of youth is gone -- it's gone, and is never able to be recaptured. No need to worry.
2007-01-28 19:57:25 · answer #1 · answered by gg55 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well 21 is still young. I know they say that once you turn 18 you are an adult. Sometimes men become men when they become 30. Whats my point? I don't think you should rush into marriage right away (but then again I don't know your situation). If you guys don't understand yourselves how do you expect to understand each other.
Many people always say to themselves, 'Had I known then what I know now I would have made a different choice'....So that's the key...figure out what you should know and the best way is to ask advice from people who are much older (30's, 40's, 60's) and have been married or divorced.
But one thing I recommend you don't do is be in denial of your feelings. Don't be one of those girls who thinks that the problem will just go away.
2007-01-28 19:52:19 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Honey, I wouldn't worry so much about the lap dances as I would about the black outs. What do you think you're doing? You're marrying an ALCOHOLIC, my dear! Get the guy to an AA meeting now! He doesnt' sound like he's interested in changing his partying ways for you or for his own good. Maturity plays a big part in marriage. If I were you, I'd put off marriage for a while...or even find another boyfriend. This dude has a problem, not you. Godloveya.
2007-01-28 19:45:14 · answer #3 · answered by Sassy OLD Broad 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
His answer to you that he couldn't promise do to his lack of control while drinking tells me he shouldn't drink. As far as the strip club not to worry you can't touch the girls. Besides who would want to. Hey girl look in that mirror and look at the beautiful person looking back. Gold didn't create ugly people.I believe that the true beauty of a person is on the inside. Back to your man I wouldn't let what happen cause you not to trust him. He does have to quit drinking. if he's drinking himself into black outs then he's asking for trouble. My brother and I did that every night for a year, not a pretty site.If it continues then I'd look to get him help.
2007-01-28 19:48:34 · answer #4 · answered by russell c 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hey..me and you sound similar..im very insecure..and if that happened with my boyfriend..i would be reacting the same..if not worse..than what you did.
The truth is....you wont find out what really happened that night..unless you ask his friends that got him involved in this..though they might leave things out ...who knows if he'll do it again ? ..theres no secure answer.
Just tell him that you dont like what his friends did...that you know he didnt plan it and he had no control over it..but if his friends plan something like that again..tell him that if his friends do that again..and do not tell him where they are taking him..that when he gets there...to leave...tell him not to stay there..becuase you dont want him to..
after all..he has a gf...theres no need for him to go there...or tell him to tell his friends not to take him there again.
If he doesnt remember anything ..or didnt enjoy it ..or whatever..he would not hussle to tell his friends he doesnt want to go to places like that again.
goodluck...but remember..you'll have to give him an other chance and if it happens agains..i'd be doing more than just worrying...i dont mean to scare you..but this time you warned him..and if he does this again..then that means he enjoys that place..and its not the kind of man you want to get involved with. bye.
2007-01-28 19:33:14 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
of course your right, dump him, he is worthless.
then you will have more time to sit here and answer all these good questions like the rest of us.
don't worry, it will be fun, we can tell each other how miserable we are, then condem all the other relationships when dumb people ask total strangers how to fix their love lifes, dosen't that sound like fun!!, I can hardly wait, how about you?, better hurry tho, we have a lot of competion, why I bet, there will be sevreal that will comment on this answer.
(they can't help it)
almost forgot, notice most of them have BF's not husbands, must be a reason.
2007-01-28 19:37:51 · answer #6 · answered by countryboy1959 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
trust is a hard thing to regain. I got hammered two nights before my wedding--did something i regretted (nothing remotely as scandolous as going to a strip club), and now we are getting divorced 5 years later. It would come up whenever we would fight and/or talk about trust. Think real hard about what you are about to get yourself into.
2007-01-28 20:05:35 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
I do not want my partner going to strip clubs either. I think you need to make it clear that it hurts you deeply. Drunkenness is no excuse for deception of your partner. If alcohol makes you lose control, don't drink it.
2007-01-28 19:27:41 · answer #8 · answered by Lucy D 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you have trust issues and if you don't watch it you will drive away your b/f because of it.
You have to learn to trust or you won't have a relationship with anyone, period.
2007-01-28 19:23:56 · answer #9 · answered by LC 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
i am with you, wouldnt like it if it was my guy, his friends wanted to celebrate his birthday but should have had more respect for your relationship,
2007-01-28 19:26:42 · answer #10 · answered by ♠ Merlin ♠ 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋