Do married people discuss previous relationships?

Question

I was asking my husband of 15 years some questions about his x-wife and other girlfriends that he had before he met me. I know it was a long time ago but he told me some things that are now making me feel uncomfortable when I think about it. Now I regret asking, how do I get rid of my anxiety, I keep imagining "them" together and it really bothers me, as if he cheated on me of something. He told me he would never do that to me or our son and I believe him but I still can feel relaxed.

Answer 1

I do. but not all the time.

Answer 2

After 15 years you should know better than to ask it will always bug you, that's normal. If you here it for the first time then it just kinda happened for you. Don't forget that he is a different person now so it's not really your husband doing those things. Fifteen years ago is a lifetime in a marriage I know I have 21 under my belt. The person I was before I got married now longer exists so remember that when thinking about your husbands past.

Answer 3

I think that it is important to know about your loved ones past. The problem is you waited 15 years to find out. These are questions you should be asking before marriage. It would help you know if your husband to be is a rapist or thinks hitting woman "just once" is okay. There are things you should look for in their stories of the past...any gay tendencies for instance? Now its pretty much too late unless he revealed to you that he was a criminal...like a child molester or something. It sounds to me nothing like that was revealed so I can say after being married for 12 years myself...if he wanted his ex's he wouldn't have moved on to you. Time is the only test and it sounds to me that you both passed with flying colors.

Answer 4

If they don't they're marriage is full of secrets which usually helps to end relationships. I'm married and we always discuss our past relationships. It helps to learn more about each other and what we've been through. And it's fun talking about it.

And it's better to learn most of their past with relationships before you get serious. I'd never be with a girl who cheated for example, unless she had some sort of incredible reason. If not, it means a lot of other things that may be not my thing in her personality.

For your situation, I'd have to ask, how come you never asked about his past until now, 15 whole years later?????? Not to sound like a jerk but do you even know who your married to? And does he know about your past? Sounds to me that you both need to relearn about each other before things turn into a situation of drifting apart.

I'm actually suprised to see on here how many people don't think it's important enough to know this important stuff about their lovers. Oh well, perhaps I want to know too much about mine. I guess it all depends on the person and the couple. We both just happen to want to know everything about each other because it's fun and insightful.

Answer 5

My husband of 11 years and I can talk about the past without any difficulty. It makes for interesting conversation. If I don't want to know details about anything in particular, I just don't ask. Remember, you husband has a past that has nothing to do with you. He loves you. Just as you have a past and you love him. I'm not sure how you're gonna get rid of that anxiety. You just have to realize it's no big deal.

Answer 6

you're no longer to blame for newborn help to his newborn, yet regardless of while you're married he's. i will enable you be attentive to inspite of the shown fact that that the immaturity interior the fact of being a mom yet refusing to guard yet another womans newborn by using fact that's the guy you loves newborn additionally. It doesnt count what the newborn is or how the newborn is raised, each newborn merits love and with the mindset you have in the direction of his newborn i could propose you enable him study this and notice how he reacts by using fact if I somewhat have a clue, he won't be happy with the way you seek advice from his daughter as a MUTT. She isn't a canine she is someone, advance up, be an grownup dont take out your hatred of the mum on the newborn.

Answer 7

When i first met my hubby. I asked straight up as i wanted to know what baggage he had. He did the same to me. So i guess we got it out in the open first.
I would try not to worry He is with you now... And 15 years is a long time. The past will always be the past. and i bet you had one or two boyfriends as well... Enjoy your life together, and hit those bad feelings on the head....

Answer 8

I sure the answer could be yes or no, depending on the couple. My theory if I were married/ or had a new boyfriend: Don't give them any ammunition to use while you are in a disagreement with them. What happened before you came involved with them isn't really any of their business, and the same would apply to women.

Answer 9

usually people get the ex part out of the way before they get married. Have all the discussions then. Dont be a jealous wife. Keep the thoughts to yourself. He is with you and you have a child together. If hes not giving your reason to doubt, then dont.

Answer 10

most couples do not discuss such for the same reason u stated. My wife has refused to discuss her first sexual experience with me after 10yrs of marriage. I have stopped asking cos somehow her disclosure may make me feel real bad. I suggest u take it as past event that will never be repeated. You may tell him about your previous relationship(s) too if that will make u feel u have squared up.

Answer 11

You shouldn't feel like that. You are the center of his life now but before you came, there were other so don't feel bad. It is pathetic for a grown woman to feel uncomfortable that her husband has a relationship 15 years back when he didn't know her. He told you because he feels comfortable talking to you, don't blow it.