Could you wait two years to marry, still being engaged?

Question

I am engaged to a girl, she and I are highschool sweethearts, are both extremely smart, and know we can have a good marriage and have faith in eachother. However because she has moved back with her family we havent seen eachother for awhile. But she has accepted my engagement ring. However in the next few months I'll be finishing my current college classes and joining the airforce. For two years I am going to Japan for half of my college, to take care of my overseas time for the airforce, and to tour it. Then after that I am hoping to come back and marry her, while finishing another 2 years full time college and doing 2 more years active service ( I'll be in a 6 year program, 4 will be in full time college paid for by AF.)

Now I am mostly confident in her not betraying me herself. Little less confident in me, only due to the fact that I feel like something major is to happen in Japan. However if it isnt another love, then I will be able to come back 22 yrs old with clear conscious.

Those of you telling me to "break it off". First off I don't want to. Making that sort of gamble is stupid while being engaged to her now and eventually figuring out that we are not meant for eachother seems smarter to me, even if it is alittle wrong. But everything is this would has the shade of gray to it. If she is willing to wait for me why shouldnt I allow it? Hurt feelings. What happens if we break it off promising to meet again, and even if she has decided to be with me, she has been with other guys. Personally, I'm sorta greedy and I want my life partner to have not been touched by other guys.

Let me rephrase the question. Do you think she can stay faithful and be engaged to me those two years without betraying me? No matter how faithful she might say she is,life still happens and personally,I've been stabbed in the back too many times to trust anyone completely. Even my own parents I dont completely trust even with all their support they've shown. I trust her more than them!

And no, I am not saying I'll be unfaithful if the opportunity arises. Heck plenty oftimes it already has and I never took any of those chances. More like if it is someone that I love more and could differentiate between the loves, then maybe I'll change my mind.

Answer 1

Yes.. I was engaged for 3 years!

Answer 2

I think you should do whatever is in your heart.
If you don't think you can be truly faithful to her while you are away then break off the engagement while you are away, tell her when you get back and you two are still in love with each and want to make a go of things then the engagement is on but you don't think it's fair to her for her to wait because you don't know what could happen. And you just want to be fair. People change in time, especially that much distance in between and the age you are.
I would suggest you wait.

Answer 3

There are many people who have long engagements, and everyone has the ability to stay faithful. It seems that you are more likely to have issues staying faithful, it's almost like you are holding out for something to happen over there, and you would be happy to dump your fiance if you meet a new love over there!! It would be more sensible to break off your engagement til you are old enough and more mature. You are showing a distinct lack of extreme intelligence if you think it is right to keep someone hanging around for you, while you have intentions of being unfaithful should the opportunity arise over there.

Answer 4

If you are not sure that you can be faithful, but you know that your girlfriend will be, then it's not fair to either of you to stay in the relationship. Though you can't take it back, you shouldn't have proposed if you weren't ready to devote yourself exclusively to her. How fair is it to either of you to be married when you can never see each other? I'd say wait for the commitment until you get out of the Air Force. That way you can both feel free to meet others. It may seem like a long time, but it might be more painful if you have to be separated from your pouse, and if you cheat on her.

Answer 5

Why are you giving this woman a promise of a lifetime together, when it's obvious you are not entirely sure if you can keep that commitment? If you can't trust yourself, break it off until you know you are ready to commit! As for having a long engagement.. I was engaged 2 years, but the difference is that we weren't financially ready. I was condifent, and he was confident. We never would have entered into engagement if we weren't 100% positive we were committed to one another.

Answer 6

You will wait as long as you can. So will she. Whether the two of you wait for each other is up to each one individually. You can't control how another person acts or reacts. You can only control how you react. So, if you work at it, you can control how you act in Japan. But I am confident you will do whatever it is you will do. This doesn't mean necessarily that you will wait...it only means you will act as you feel is best under the circumstances. So will she. So don't worry about what might happen in the future, live in the present. If the two of you remain constant, great. If you don't, that's life. Live it.

Answer 7

well, i'm going to be engaged this May, and i'll stay engaged another 2 1/2 years before i'm married :) both my bf and i have planned it that way already and we're sticking to it... the main issue here is how much you two trust each other. and yes, it's mighty long, but an occasional reassurance and refocusing on what we're working towards always give you the boost you need to learn PATIENCE! :D wish you the best of luck...

Answer 8

if you love her, marry her but be sure she's the one...i have a answers page up right now about me and my wife april 23rd will be 2 years of marriage and it's been hell...we were engaged for about a year and shes 13 yrs older than me...my best idea would be to marry her before Japan and ensure yourself that she will be there for you...BUT make sure its for the right reasons...don't marry for trust, marry for love and happiness! then and only then will you know that she will be there for you...if you don't think she will be faithful to you than you might want to look for other options,now before you leave that way you can both continue your lives!

Answer 9

Nobody can tell you for sure what will happen. Anything can happen if ppl love each other but, two years for a couple just out of high school is a long time. ppl grow so much in that time that you may find your both two very ppl when all is said and done.

Answer 10

You can wait ten or twenty years if you want to. You shouldn't get married untill you're both 25 or older anyway. People go through a lot of changes between highschool and 25.