Relationship problems!!...please help me!!?

Question

Me and my girlfriend have been going out for almost 3 years now (4/11). And I love her so very much but there is this one problem!...she lives in Houston and I live in Dallas! I am really getting tired of having a phone relationship and never getting to see my baby except once or twice every 2 months! next year she is going to Sam Houston State which is about 50 miles north of Houston and about 150 miles south of Dallas...she would actually be closer to me if she did that, i am just worried that she is going to grow apart from me and want something different than what i am offering if she goes to college! I am afraid that she wont ever have time for me and that we will drift away from each other. what should I do I am 18 and I am going to a community college right now she is goign to go to SHSU for 3 years and has to live in a dorm her freshman year!!! Please help I will give you 5 stars!!! THANKS!!!!

Answer 1

If you guys have been going out for three years, I don't think you're headed for the rocks anytime soon...
But college is a whirlwind. So make sure you do sweet things for her to make up for not seeing her. Send her flowers, mail her letters, and visit her often! Visiting is definitely most important. Make her feel loved when you see her and let her know she doesn't need another guy.

Answer 2

Hi Anthony,

While it is true that technically the odds are against you too, I wanted to let you know that sometimes these things work out!

My boyfriend and I were in a similar situation, he was in New Jersey and I was in Western Canada, and we had a long term relationship for about three years. We were both in school and had lives of our own, but we talked on the phone and visited each other every few months or so. We always considered the idea that maybe we would grow in different directions, and left the possibility for this open. In the end, after about 3 years, we decided that even though we were far apart the whole time, we had grown even closer together. Then, we made it happen, I moved to NJ, we moved in together right off the bat, and now we're together going on 3 years living together and happier than any couple I've ever known!! It can definately work out! But, I highly recommend that you leave the possibility open for the two of you to grow apart because if you fight it, it will be more difficult. And even if it happens now, you may reconnect later in life if it's meant to be.

Answer 3

Distance relationships are very tough. Only a few work out. It takes two very committed people to pull it off and often, if they do get married, there is resentment over the fact that there was never any opportunity to meet and date other people.

The fact is, your relationship has largely occurred during a period in your lives where you were both parent-dependent. That's all going to change now. And, once a person has gained a certain degree of independence from parents, things change. You start to find a part of yourself that you never knew that you had. Sometimes, what you wanted in high school is different from what you want in college or in working life.

If you truly love one another and are convinced that you are life mates, I suggest that you have a serious talk about moving nearer to one another. If, on the other hand, moving nearer to one another would be a desperate attempt to hold on to the past and stifle growth and development, agree to date other people in your current respective locations and see each other during college break periods.

Ultimately, if you do end up together, you will be better spouses if you have allowed yourselves to progress independently during the next 3 to 5 years. You will both be able to say, "Yeah, we shopped around and it doesn't get any better than this!"

Good luck!

Answer 4

Long distance relationships are extremely difficult for people of any age, but particularly for young adults who are just really joining society on your own. I travelled around the United States for over a year when I was 24 and tried in vain to save my relationship of 5 years. Even though I was the one travelling and dealing with new people every day and the one with the easiest opportunities to "stray" it was him who actually ruined the situation (repeatedly I might add).

Now, 14 years later, my husband works all over the country 2-3 months at a time. We developed a plan for communication that we stuck to which included emails and phone calls and our latest idea for his last trip was cam's... we love them! We get to actually SEE each other whenever we want.

Good luck, be positive and supportive, avoid jealousy and don't worry until there is something to worry about.

Hugs! Karen

Answer 5

The path you both have chosen appears to be in different directions with your education. You are approximately a 4 hour drive once she is at University, which is not all that far. Perhaps the both of you can arrange to meet 1/2 way once a week for dinner and study and can meet up one day on the weekend. Your future depends on the quality of education you receive and it is commendable that you both are willing to make the essential sacrifices so that you can achieve your goals. The relationship will not suffer unless either one of you wants it to. If you grow apart, then it's because one or both of you are not being committed to the relationship. If that happens then perhaps life has something else in store for both of you.

In the meantime, try not to dwell on what ifs. Live in the here and now and enjoy what you have.

Answer 6

hi Anthony,
You can't be afraid !!! You have to accept that whatever happens is meant to be, okay ?!?

And hopefully it will all work out for the best.
Yes, the time between high school and your early 20's is a time when young adults are still "forming" themselves.

So you may grow and change together, but yes, there is a chance that you may grow apart as well.

You have no choice right now except to just "go with the flow".
(or else you will just continue to drive yourself crazy)

You can let her know that you are still there for her, etc ,etc,
but yet let her do her "branching out", if need be.

If you are the great guy that you seem to be, everything should be for the best.

Are we cool on that, Anthony ?!?!
Good luck to you.

Answer 7

Your concerns are valid one's and it's admirable that you are honest about sharing them with us. The truth is that we can worry too much about imaginings. If she likes you and maintains a relationship with you in any measure, then that is what you must hold precious. Try not to get carried away in your thoughts about what might happen.

I was 18 once and used to agonize over such matters. I look back now 28 years later and see that I was worrying for nothing but, I am happy to have experienced love.

Answer 8

if the 2 of you love eachother and trust eachother and want it to work,it will. if you doubt it or think negatively about it, setting yourself up to fail. you just have to stay positive. everything happens for a reason. if the two of you were meant to be, then everything will be just fine. people grow up and do end up wanting different things in life, but there is no way to stop that or prevent that from happening. the two of you are young, and maybe you wont end up together, but you have to somewhat test the waters. why cant you go to the same school or one closer to her? anyway, good luck.

Answer 9

I think the two of you should continue to have the long distance relationship. If your relationship is meant to be and survives the hardship, then you know you've got a good thing.

Both of you are pretty young. I'm not trying to sound condescending, but both of you need to focus on your education. If either of you move just to be together and it doesn't work out, then you'll have a lot of regret and resentment to deal with.

Answer 10

You have not really had a relationship those past three years, plus you're at an age where you're both likely to develop and grow in different directions. My advice is to enjoy the phone calls and occasional dates while they last, and don't be too surprised or upset when it ends.