Should I let my son stay with his pregnant girlfriend ?

Question

My son is 16 years old (im his dad, his mom died a long time ago)
Hes dating a 19 year old girl
She has a 1 year old son
and is pregnant with my sons child
I tried to tell him to leave her
But he doesnt listen to me
He says he loves her
and she says she loves him
He wants to marry her and adopt her son
I still keep trying to tell him to leave her
She got herself into this mess, shell figure it out herself
My son still has the rest of his life in front of him
Hers is already ruined
How can i get this through my sons head ?

Answer 1

it's real sad that a guy (especially this young) made a baby, and wants to take responsibility for this baby, and his FATHER is telling him not to! it makes me sick! "She got herself into this mess"????? no, I'm pretty sure that THEY did! and who are you to say that a child will ruin his life?!?!? true, he needs to not rush into marriage and adopting the other kid and work on what they have going on now 1st. you should be proud to have a son that is willing to step up to the plate and take care of his own!
and you know, it's gonna be hard on them and they may not end up working things out in the long run, but at least your son tried. and take it from someone that knows 1st. hand, not 'all' guys do, and that is leaving too many kids without daddy's.

Answer 2

My brother is an same way he's 16 and were given his female friend pregnant 2 circumstances she is in uncomplicated words 16 and has a one a million/2 year previous daughter and she or he is going to have the toddler every time now and he received't leave her yet he made her take Viagra and then were given her inebriated and she or he ended up having a baby and he did an identical element again and my dad basically shall we him do in spite of because he already ruined his existence and his girlfriends and my sister is 16 and she or he basically had a toddler about 4 months in the past and she or he's pregnant again and that i'm 15 and on an identical day my sister went into exertions i got here across out i change into pregnant and that i'm 4 months alongside!!!!!! yet there is no longer a lot you may want to do because both way he will be such as her without or with your permission.

Answer 3

The more you push him to leave her, the more he'll cling to her. You know that--think back to when you were that age. And let me make one thing clear--he helped get her into this mess. She's not the only one to blame. He's this new baby's father no matter what, so he can't just turn his back on that responsibility.

It's time to use reverse psychology. Embrace his decision. Tell him you love him no matter what, and that he can always come back home. Tell him you were just concerned about his welfare, and you'll let him go live with her if he promises--
1. To not drop out of school (if he's still in)
2. To not marry her until he's out of high school (preferably college)

That should give them enough time to see if this relationship is solid or not without him losing out on much time. Do not provide any financial support or housing for them--he'll have to get a job if he doesn't have one already. Eventually, he'll either realize it was a dumb mistake and come back home, or they'll stay together and you'll have find peace with it. Whatever happens, you're the grandfather of the baby and he's the father, and the baby deserves to have you both in its life.

Answer 4

Honey she didn't get into this "mess" by herself he had to be there to. Have tests done when it is born if it is his make him do the responsible thing and take care of the baby. The more you fight against him the more he will insist on being with her. Of course your son has the rest of his life in front of him but he is trying to live his life ( even though a little faster than you would like) but sometimes we have to let them to make mistakes to learn by. I have a 18 year old (thinks he is 26) but we have let him make mistakes no matter how hard it was and he now looks back at the age of 16 and realizes that mistakes are what makes a stronger man. Good Luck to ya and God Bless

Answer 5

You shouldn't EVER teach your son to run away from his responsibilities! As a REAL man, he should take care of whatever his responsibilities are.

However, I do think you should STRONGLY encourage him to get a paternity test for the baby as soon as is possible. From there, he'll be able to determine his own life. If the child is NOT his, there's a good chance he won't stay with her. If the child IS his, it's HIS responsibility to care for the CHILD and be there for the child. Also let him know that he can do this without being WITH the mother of the child. I cringe when I see people staying together "for the kids". I've seen it ruin lives (the parents of the child AND the child involved).

Answer 6

Wow, this is as tough as they come, problem wise. It's hard to grow all the way up at sixteen but that is what your son has to do. He has helped to creat a child and he is responcible to see that his son grows up in a loving family. You can either help him or get out of his way. I don't say this lightly!!! I wish I knew more of the situation you all are in --- it's like advising blindly. He needs to place the child up for adoption if possible --- so the little guy has a chance at a decent life and a college education. (OR) He needs to get a part time job AND finish school. He has to support this child for at least the next eighteen years. Can he do that living with his girlfriend? Please no matter what you do --- think of your grandson first --- he is the only innocent in all of this. God Bless you all ---

Answer 7

Don't you think your son is trying to get it through your head that he's prepared to take on the role of 'Daddy'? I think it's very admirable.

Can't speak of the first child, but she definately wasn't alone in creating the one she's pregnant with now, and I think, even though I recognize that you are disapointed in your son, that you should feel proud that he is planning to step up to the plate and be a man.

I agree that it's not a wise decision to jump into marriage. Just because they're having a baby, there's no rush. They can easily wait until they're both done with schooling before taking as huge a step as that. Especially because if the marriage fails, they'll probably come to resent the child a little bit.

And who are you to say her life is ruined? I doubt she looks at her son every day and thinks 'you've ruined my life'. Do you think that of your son? There were probably many fun times you missed out on with friends in order to do something with your son or family. Wasn't it worth it?

And maybe he does love her. I met my fiance when he was 14, and we started dating when he was 16 and I was 17. Now I'm 21, and we're still together and we have a wonderful son, almost a year old.

If you force him away from her, there is a huge chance that as soon as he turns 18 he will go back to her and completely shut you out. He'll look at you as the one who ruined his life.

And as a parent yourself, can't you imagine how your son would feel to know that he had a child out there that he could never see? Imagine if someone had kidnapped your son when he was an infant. How would you have felt?

From the way you're looking at this, I'm guessing that you just found out about the pregnancy and haven't had time to come to terms with it. Take a day or two to get used to it, and then try to look at the entire situation again.

You're disappointed, upset, angry, and all sorts of things right now, and that's totally understandable. But try to act rationally, not instinctively in anger, because we all say things in anger that we don't really mean, and words like that can't be taken back easily.

I became pregnant at 19, and my mom was very upset. She tried to push me into having an abortion, but I am morally against them, I think they are wrong. So I did not have one, and if someone were to remind her today that she had thought that was the best idea, I have no doubt that she would break down into tears.

When your grandbaby arrives, everything will be set right.

Good luck!

Answer 8

no no no don't let it happen he made a mistake yes but he's only 16 and you r his father he will thank you for it later she's an adult and should had known better not to have to messed with an 16 year old boy she knew good and well he could not support her. but someone will have to take responsilblity for that baby and since its your son and he made a mistake as messed up as this might sound that product of him is now also your responsiblity so you will need to help her with that child but you do not need to let him move in with her this will only lead to more foolishness and if later down the line say when his 19, 20 and he still feels that way you can comfortable say peace out!

Answer 9

The first thing I would like to say is if you keep trying to make his decisions for him he will end up pushing you out of his life. He needs to make the decisions on his own, he is having a baby he needs to learn responsibility. No matter how much you keep talking about you want your son to walk away he has a baby now and he will always have to be there for his baby. At least he wants to be a dad and do the right thing you must have raised a great son who was taught the morals and values about life. And one more thing I would like is that as a teenage mom her life is not ruined she still can have the life every other girl has. I had my first son at 17 and I lived life just like anyone else, a kid never RUINS any ones life it just brings sunshine into it. I hope you see what really matters in life:having your son and grand kid in your life or being to proud to back down. I hope you make the right decision! Take time and really remember what is important in life.

Answer 10

Just tell him you don't want to be a grandfather yet. She's 19 she's old enough to be raising two kids herself. What was she doing sleeping with a 16 year old anyway? Or you can just accept the fact that he really cares about her and his unborn kid as well as this girl's son. Yes I think you should let him stay with her. It might knock some sense into him if he's around her 24/7 with a screaming brat.