What would you do? help me move on please!!!!?

Question

My beautiful highschool sweetheart of 15 years left me for a teacher where she works at 2 months ago. We are now divorced becuase she did'nt want to work on our marriage. I was a good husband didnt drink cleaned house cooked ect. My ex is now 31 and this guy is 32. He is a real party guy and a heavy drinker,my ex wife did'nt like to drink much and now she is turning into a lush.We have two small boys 7&9 and I have them every other week with her,I love my boys very much.My problem is this-We live in a very small community 80 miles from the largest town in central oregon. It is getting very hard to hear how my ex is turning into a highschool party girl and being very childish. I think its just a phase and I hurt sooo much right now:( I want to get out of here and and start over so i dont have to face the pain everyday. But I cant leave my boys they need me as an anchor in there life right now. I moved my family here 5 years ago for the quality of life and now I'm divorced and stuck here

She acts very cold towards me to and is not the same person that i fell in love with. Every body in our community cant believe what is going on. She works in the kitchen at the school and was seen kissing him at the school and she is acting like she is 16 again! How in the heck do I move on I dont even sleep anymore. I t is tearing me up and i am tearing up just writing this very sad deal. What wuold u do thank you

Answer 1

This question is too important to be asking internet idiots such as ourselves. Nobody here knows you well enough to give you any life altering advice, particularly with what you need here. If you really want to move on, find a shrink.

Answer 2

I am going threw the same problems only I am a women left by my ex. He is doing the same partying and he even started dating someone else and we have only be done for a month. I tell myself everyday I don't need him I am better than that and there is someone out there who will give me the respect and love I want. It hurts a lot because we have two children 7 & 2 but everything happens for a reason. Everyone was shocked to hear we ended our marriage and even more suprised that he can walk away and start a new life like nothing, but again everything happens for a reason. I think what has helped me the most is talking tp friends, family about it helps get it out instead of keeping all bottled up inside then you are just bound to explode. I look at it like this if you guys were meant to be toghether you will find your way back someday.

Answer 3

As painful as this is, I would honestly move and start over. Do not move too far away for the purpose of your young ones. I would try to get full custody if I was you if she's out acting like a high school lush. You can get better! I know it's not what you want to hear, but she chose to disrespect you and your marriage and not to mention your kids. You sound like a very respectful man that helps out his woman, you really can do better. Time will heal those wounds. You are a good man and there are very few of you out there. She is scum for cheating on you and running around like the town drunk.

I know you don't want to move too far away from your boys, but I used to live in a small small town and you hear everything!!! Move on and find a nice young gal that shares the same beliefs, morals and values as you. You're not going to find that in a small town and at the same time quit hearing about your ex partying it up.

You can get through this and be a man to someone that actually appreciates you! Just pray and look back at how much pain she's caused you. Please take care!

Answer 4

I think that you should stop blaming yourself for the divorce. It happened because she wanted it to happen. Secondly, I think it wise that you don't run away from the current situation it would show poor character. As for your children, you're right if "mom" is off partying all the time then you are all they have. I think that you should tell people not to tell you about your ex's behavior, after all it no longer concerns you. Lastly, get out of your home and do things...fill up your day w/ things to do so you don't find yourself thinking of her...being single is a good thing, not bad; it gives you time for yourself (to learn yourself!).

Answer 5

This is classic (sorry, I do empathize, but this is tough love coming down the pike):

At least you have your kids, so you aren't totally alone. Be grateful for that much. I don't know enough about your relationship with you ex, any red flags you might have overlooked (integrity, attitude, respect, baggage, etc issues) so I am not going to focus on her too much.

She's kind of doing the mid-life crisis thing at 32, so it's safe to say she got bored in the relationship (I've made this mistake a couple of times, so bear with me): it's easy to compromise too much and bend to every test that your mate puts you through, to become a total pushover in your effort be the ideal mate. It's also possible to let yourself go, stop grooming well, etc. Since you are describing the "my wife ran off with a biker" scenario, I'm going to guess you got whipped and ceased to be a challenge: the guy she met and felt lucky to get, that other women wanted, but she married and tied down.

It's hard for the kids. Be there for them, don't bad-mouth their mom, join a gym if there's one there in Oregon, get into shape, branch out and do things that you find interesting. Keep yourself busy when you can, but it may take quite a while to grieve, but don't burden your kids with it. Do you have a friend to talk to? Somebody who can bear hearing what has to be going on in your head over and over and over without wanting to kill you?
If not, I guess you could join a church and talk to a priest/rabbi/minister until they get sick of hearing about it") But be careful not to circulate gossip about your ex.

Answer 6

Sounds like she's having a early mid life crisis and I'm assessing that from the time you've been together via age.

She'll come to regret this. All the partying in the world can never substitute for a stable family life.

You don't have to be stuck there. You can move to a nearby state (Washington?) Seattle and startover...intime your pain will be healed and what doesn't kill you will surely make you stronger.

You're stronger than you know.

Answer 7

I am so sorry that you are going through this! I went through a similiar situation last year. I found out my husband, a truck driver, had been seeing another woman when he came home one day and announced to myself and our 2 young daughters that he was leaving. Fortunately, after a brief seperation we did reconcile but I can relate to how you are feeling. It sucks! But it will get better, I promise. You sound like a really great guy and you will find a woman who can appreciate that and be faithful and love both you and your boys. It sounds like your wife never got to experience that "wild" stage we all go through and she is doing it now but one day she will wake up and realize what a HUGE mistake she made. The grass always looks greener on the other side, but it never is. You just need to focus on your boys, they are THE MOST important thing in your life, imagine how hard this is for them too and they need their dad now more than ever. Don't worry about what anyone in that town thinks, I live in a town of 2500 people so I know, it's brutal, but she's the one that is wrong and looks like a tramp to everyone in the town. Hey, use it to your advantage play the "wonderful family man screwed over by the tramp" card, the chics will dig it and you'll move on in no time! LOL Seriously, just focus on your kids and it will get better with time. Those boys really need you, don't move, be strong and the pain will fade over time. It's like morning a death, it just takes time. If you don't have anyone you can talk to about this don't be afraid to see a professional it may help just to talk about it. Try to start dating it will help to build your self esteem and take your mind off of things and I can't repeat this enough, focus on your kids they are the only thing that is permenant in your life and they can be a great help in getting you through this if you just focus all of your attention on them and try not to focus on what your ex-wife is doing. She made her bed so let her lie in it. There are plenty of women out there who would kill to have a great guy like you, and trust me she may he partying it up now but she will regret this in the long run. Good luck.

Answer 8

keep your head up!!! God never gives you anything that you cant handle. Look at the bright side.... your still young and now your single. Too bad you live so far. I was the good wife too. You need to be strong for your boys, and dont let her actions get the best of you. Sometimes the second time around is the BEST!!!! Take care... (and you might want to consider buying some tylenol pm)

Answer 9

My heart goes out to you and your boys! There is more to this story. There must of been clues that your marriage was falling apart. The party will eventually end and she will come to relize what actually happened, chances are you will be long gone for her. You are going through normal grieving, your heart will heal with time and someday you will move on and discover a new love and a new life with someone else. Until then, be there for your boys, they need that stability! It helps to talk to a good friend and don't forget to do something for yourself, something you enjoy! Good luck, and best wishes for you and your boys!

Answer 10

Oh, I'm so sorry. First of all, don't leave, your kids do need you, especially with her acting like that. You have to be strong for you and your boys. Get out there and start dating. The way your ex is acting now is an embarrassment to herself and the man she is with, not you. Do talk to her and tell her that if she and her man are going to be drinking to leave the boys with you, there is no reason for them to be around that.