I know I am not the perfect wife...I have my flaws and so does my husband, but it's ridiculous that I feel this is all because of his family...I have BAD attitude towards them and he says they notice...which I'm sure they do...but there so many things they do...which I dont agree with...like having cook outs at our house every month...Like I feel why only at our house...he has 4 other siblings with houses too... He says I compalin too much, that I dont seem happy...but I feel I am..we have a 2yr old..and Im happy as long as Im with them... It's just that I think all women complain, he just says he hasnt been happy for some time now and that myabe we need some time off...Im sure theres no other reason...but he says he's tired of my attitde and that we're both not happy with each other..I feel in peace...and happy...but I dont know what to do...He told me not to call him for the next few days..and since he goes to work in the afternoons..I love him but I dont know what to do...help!
2007-01-28 15:57:56 · 13 answers · asked by Lorena 3 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
I heard those words form my hubby about a month ago. He moved my stuff back into my parents house and he kept saying he wasn't happy and wanted a divorce. You need to make an effort to change your complaining and be more pleasant around him, that's all. Give a few more kisses, hugs, i love you's, and a little bit more support and kindness and I can just about guarantee you that you will have a better marriage. Our attitude really takes a toll on men. When we aren't supportive, nice, encouraging or show little affection, they wonder what they can do to make it better and he's lost and thinks that a "break" is what is best. Start being more pleasant around the in laws, you'll see a change in their attitude, too. You get a lot more with honey than ya do with vinegar! Life is too short to be in a bad mood, trust me, I know what you're going through!!
If you're still living with him, try these things and you'll notice. He'll be more affectionate towards you. Men feel underappreciated and maybe just some kind words when he gets home from work or I'm glad you're home. If you aren't, DO NOT call him unless something happens with you or your son. He'll be calling, don't worry about that. Maybe not within the first day, but he will. Sound pleasant and tell him that you realized that your attitude and complaining has taken a toll on your relationship and tell him you would like to have a more positive outlook on life and that you think it'll help your marriage. I'm not sure if you like to read, but I highly suggest the Proper Care and Feeding of Marriage & The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands by Dr. Laura Schlessinger. Great books with a ton of insight and you will probably be able to relate, I know I did. Feel free to email me if you need anymore advice, encouragement or whatever. Stay away from the phone and email, I know it hurts, but do it! :)
You have to want to change your ways, if you don't, it will not happen. This type of change is good, it really is.
2007-01-28 16:22:01 · answer #1 · answered by SillyKimmie 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I can understand why you are feeling lost and not sure what to do. You must remember that when you married him you married his family too. I know how hard it can be to deal with family but you have to do it with a smile on your face. You sure shouldn't have to clean up after them every week after a cook out you don't want though and you are right to be upset about it. You should make your husband help you clean up. About him wanting a break I think that's a little strange since you guys are married I'm not sure that is an OK thing to be asking for. If I were you I would be digging a little deeper into whats going on with him I'm sure it can't be just about his family. I know you must be very afraid of what might happen right now because you do have a child together. You really should be thinking about your child in all of this anyway. You don't want to stay with a man that is not happy with you for you child because kids know a lot more than we think. If you make him stay with you your child will grow up not knowing what a happy marriage looks like or feels like and I know you don't want that for him or her. If you guys do go your own ways just know that you will find someone that will love you and your child. You will find someone that understands you and your feelings. Good Luck Sweetie
2007-01-29 00:11:11 · answer #2 · answered by corene D 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'm sorry you are going through this, I believe he has other issues that are bothering him, which has to do with himself and not your attitude. There are so many people who get irritated by their in laws, but a cook out just once a month is ok, in fact you have it easy if that is your only problem with them. Let him have his space for now, and be prepared to talk to him when he is ready. Tell him that you are so very happy with him and you will stop complaining to him. If you feel the need to complain, you can always do it here :)
2007-01-29 00:26:25 · answer #3 · answered by Lovebug123 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hi dear
I will not say that you r wrong. You are right at your point. But marriage life is not easy for any body. Especially we live with in-laws. They never accept you like a daughter. But you have to show always positive and good attitude to them. One day they will like you. Because with love you can make place in there hearts. And one important thing never shows that there is some misunderstanding between you and your hubby to them.
Ok best of luck
Love each other
God blasé you and your family
By
Mahi
Mahi_hot@yahoo.com
2007-01-29 00:11:31 · answer #4 · answered by MAHI 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You are a wack job. Please seek help. You have a bad attitude to his family, and you act out against them. The only thing you list as a negative is they have family get togethers each month at your house. Oh... horrors... being close to your family. Now if the treated you bad (which you haven't said) you might have a reason to act like a complaining child. You obviously complain too much. Just read the tone of your post.
If you want your hubby to be happy shut your damn trap for once and stop complaining. You even justify it by claiming all women complain. Frankly its sad that he is with you and is gonna have to suffer with you, or divorce you and thus lose money that should rightfully belong to him.
You are very ungrateful. Please grow up.
2007-01-29 00:12:48 · answer #5 · answered by daknack500 1 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Let him go for now and give him the space that he needs.. Sometimes when we love someone we have to let them go and breathe and give them time. You may also want to seek counseling and help for you and for your marriage. Talk to him when he is ready to talk and communicate to him how you feel about this and how this is hurting you.... Ask him what you can do to change for him and to be a better wife... Sometimes as wives we have to be the ones to change and be what we need to be in the marriage before the guy will want to change things! I wish you the best and hope your marriage gets better soon! Here comes lots of hugs for you today!
2007-01-29 00:03:24 · answer #6 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm not sure, but I wouldn't call him. Let him have his space. I'm sorry, but not all women complain. The last thing a woman wants to complain about is a man's family. The man will side with his family.
2007-01-29 00:30:47 · answer #7 · answered by Tasha 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What you really need to consider is your child. How is all of this going to effect him?
Anyway, sounds like hubby is trying to make excuses up to try and get away from you. It sounds like he has a deeper reason for his actions.
About the previous answers that say you should keep quiet about the in laws....that is horse ****. You have a right to speak your mind! You do not have to keep quiet and submit to your hubby. What about hubby changing too?
2007-01-29 00:38:05 · answer #8 · answered by SAMMY 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
You do sound like you have an attitude. Be greatful that others want to gather at your house. If it's messed up afterwards, just clean it. At least they rather come to your home than stay at the others' home.
Have some quiet time and say sorry to each other.
2007-01-29 00:02:37 · answer #9 · answered by RunSueRun 5 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Switch it up!
You two need to become active in activities in your church or community. It doesn't have to be the SAME acitivity for both of you...just get involved.
The two of you need to get out of the house and do something beneficial.
2007-01-29 00:04:31 · answer #10 · answered by tabulator32 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋