OK HERES THE THING I AM MARRIED BEEN MARRIED FOR 2 YEARS NOW AND MY HUSBAND WORKS AND I STAY HOME WITH OUR SON AND HE FEELS THAT IT IS MY JOB TO CLEAN THE HOUSE AND DO LAUNDRY ETC. AND I FEEL THAT I SHOULD BUT WHEN HES HOME AND OFF OF WORK HE CAN HELP ME AND AS OF A WEEK AGO HE LOST HIS JOB AND HAD BEEN HOME AND HE STILL FEELS THAT I HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING BUT HE AINT WORKING RIGHT NOW SO WHY CANT HE HELP ME AND FOR HIM TO SAY ITS MY JOB THATS NOT RIGHT SO WHAT DO YOU GUYS THINK IS IT MY JOB?
2007-01-28 15:28:55 · 30 answers · asked by BoRiCuA MaMi 69 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
IF HE IS NOT WORKING THEN IT'S 50 \50
2007-01-28 15:34:00 · answer #1 · answered by ken 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
This will be a fun one to see all of the answers. If he no longer has a job, he should DEFINITELY be pulling his weight. I've been married 10 years and until recently had a full time job/ my own business. I am now a stay at home mom, the expectations and assumptions that come with that very important JOB is ridiculous. There is no rule book that says he can't help, it might just take some "artful negotiations". My husband has found that things run smoother and happier when he willingly pitches in. Let him pick his chores though, usually he'll pick something he knows he can accomplish. If you pick it and doesn't get it done and remind him, he'll call it nagging. Make sure to acknowledge when he does help though; encouragement goes a long way for more help. The hardest thing for some men to understand is that just because you aren't clocking in somewhere doesn't mean you're not really working. Being a full-time mom, housekeeper, cook, laundry, party planner, and errand service is definitely the hardest but most fulfilling "job" I've ever had. GOOD LUCK!!
2007-01-28 23:44:11 · answer #2 · answered by mcneely96 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you're not working, yes it is your job. If you were working, then it should be shared. Since your husband lost his job, it would be nice if he helped out a little bit, but he should be busy looking for a new job. You have no right to get angry at him either if he refuses to do a little bit of laundry. He's been working all this time to support you and your child.
It's not a 'female job' to do these things, but it is the job of the house spouse. If a man were staying home on his butt all day, I'd expect that he would keep the house clean and do laundry. Or like I said earlier, if both partners are working the chores should be shared 50/50 including taking care of the kid.
2007-01-28 23:38:28 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
There are a few things going on here. Losing a job is very hard on a person. It's a big loss financially and also to his self-esteem. He is probably depressed and you should cut him a little slack and try to be more supportive. One of you should be looking for a new job- that should be priority one.
As for housework, I think it's up to each couple to work out a system that's best for them, but something that's flexible to adapt to changing life-circumstances. Have a calm, open discussion with him about what he sees as his job in the marriage- what he considers his responsibility. Remember not to discount any maintenance, yardwork, or handyman jobs that he does that otherwise you would have to hire someone to do for you. Also be aware that many men were not brought up knowing how to vacuum (for example- although that is changing somewhat). If you give him a specific task and show him how you want it done and where to find the cleaning supplies, that may be all that is needed.
I personally find that most of the housework in our home falls on me. We have an apartment and no kids. I am happy to do it because right now my husband is working full time and going to school and I don't want to distract from his schoolwork because I am proud that he is trying to get a degree. I want to support him in that. Once he has the degree, though, it will be time for us to have a little talk.
2007-01-30 12:25:21 · answer #4 · answered by gafpromise 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I totally agree with you. I have been married for 8 years and I am a stay at home mom and my husband works. I, too want him to help me out every once in a while, which he does. He sometimes vacumes or does dinner or does some flour tortillas. Now, I do most of the stuff, it is every once in a while that he helps me, but I really appreciate it when he does. I think staying at home is a 24 hour job and not like them that it is a 8 hour job and then they get home and they are done for the day. Especially when he is not working like your husband is, I think that he should definately help you out alittle more.
2007-01-28 23:35:47 · answer #5 · answered by WENDY D 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You are the homemaker, however, due to the fact that your husband is not working at this time, he can definitely help out. When I was married, and working, my ex only needed to scrub the tub, and take out the garbage. He managed to get out of that over time. Is your husband out looking on a daily basis for a job? That is an eight hour a day job in itself. And, at least until he gets this next job, yes, I think he should help a bit around the house-do dishes once a week, or a couple of times per week. If he makes a mess in the house, just sitting around, then yes, he needs to pick up after himself. Take care.
2007-01-29 00:07:39 · answer #6 · answered by SAK 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As long as he is not working he can help you.Even when he gets a job he should still be able to help you out. Maybe you should get a job and let him see whats its like to do all the work you do.That might make him realize that no mater who works outside of the home they should help the stay at home parent. It will also help the 2 of you have some time for each other.
2007-01-28 23:39:44 · answer #7 · answered by snowlady 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
One just b/c you stay at home with the children does not mean you are responsible for all the housework that needs to be done. My husband works 14 hours a day.. and he still comes home and helps me with my son and with the housework I hadn't finished yet. And on his days off he does this too. Since your husband lost his job he needs to get up and do things around the house. He has no job.. so he should be helping around the house... not being lazy and watching you do it. That is unexcusable. It is not your job.. and he shouldn't think like that. If my husband can come home after a 14 hour day and do housework.. so can yours... damn their are some lazy men in this world.
2007-01-28 23:37:57 · answer #8 · answered by sleepyincarolina 4 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I think it is the womans job to do whatever she wants. I plan to stay home, raise kids and clean house, along with being a good wife. It is what I want to do. I think you should do whatever feels right. Dont let anyone tell you your place. I belive in following your dreams and being happy. I think you need to tell him he needs to help. Currently it is your job to take care of your son and clean, and it was his job to make money... and now he is home so he should help. I think he shouldnt put everything on you. Good luck, let me know how things work out. <3
2007-01-31 14:58:12 · answer #9 · answered by carrie bradshaw lol 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think it depends on the situation your in. When I worked outside the home, we both did what needed to be done, when I worked and he was in school, he did the majority of it but now he works and I stay home so I do everything except the lawn work and repairs. The way I look at it, what else am I going to do all day. We don't have kids at home, if we did no matter what, I would expect his help with them.
2007-01-28 23:36:14 · answer #10 · answered by sharpeilvr 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It is your job BUT it is his job to help you around the house as well and he also needs to help with the care of your son when he is home too! Goes both ways you know! If he is not working right now then he definitley needs to get up and help you with the house work and get off his butt ... You also might want to think about getting work if he is not working!
2007-01-28 23:39:04 · answer #11 · answered by Lady Hewitt 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋