An Indian boy(age 28,Hindu,educated,raised US)is in love with a caucasian girl(age 27,US,educated,respectable family).All his life,he thought he wanted an arranged marriage,until he met this girl and fell in love.The girl understands the cultural challenges if she marries into the Indian culture, but because of her love for the Indian boy,she has agreed to embrace Hinduism(raising any children Hindu),learn Hindi,embrace his Indian family/extended family and particpate in the Indian culture.Problem:The boy's parents say the girl is not right for him because she is not culturally Indian,they refuse to meet her,insist he have an arranged marriage,will not consent to his marriage.He has turned down numerous matches &refused several arranged marriage proposals.He only wants to marry the caucasian girl,but without his parent's consent,he feels he cannot.Talking with his parents has not worked.He says if he cannot marry her,he will not marry anyone.He is very sad.What should he do?
2007-01-28 14:56:19 · 37 answers · asked by cj.blue 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
Ok - been there, done that! I am the white girl, married to the Indian boy. My in-laws were not at all happy with the situation, as you well know. It took over a year of my husband saying he was not going to marry anyone else, was not going to look at any other girl's pictures or anything for them to finally agree to the marriage. In the meantime my husband had to make one or two emergency trips to India because his parents had health issues related to his wanting to marry me! In the end, they chose agreeing to the marriage over losing their son. We went to India, had a huge Indian wedding and slowly they started to warm up to me. Once the grandkids came of course - all problems were solved! As an aside - my BIL had an arranged marriage that ended in divorce - just goes to show you never know how things will turn out.
All I can say is have patience and be firm with your parents. Let them know that they will have to make a choice between loosing you or keeping you. Give them time to get used to the idea. Don't waiver. Tell them you won't agree to marry anyone else. Once you start getting too old they will just be happy you are married.
Good luck!
2007-01-28 23:36:21 · answer #1 · answered by CV 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sad for you too ... It's really too bad that we are bound by cultures and traditions and that family members think that this is more important than love and the happiness of their children ... And everyone that sides with the culture and tradition I feel sorry for you too because this is a matter of the heart and when one finds true love (if in fact that is what this is ) then we should go that route because WHAT is more precious than love? Its not easy to find ones soul mate . There are so many people in unhappy marriages ... Marriage is a life time committement ...do you want to be in a loveless marriage and unhappy so that when you get totally fed up you go out and cheat to satify that love you lost? ...
If you go against your parents it will be a tough struggle and you have to ask yourself will your love win over this struggle ...if you feel it can .... go for it ... if you think it will turn your life into hell then you will have to go the other way ...either way it will be difficult because if you go your parents route you could be in a very routine existence and unhappy situation and the arranged wife will also be unhappy .... and the children will be too ....
You have a very difficult situation to decide but it is your decision in the end .... I just wish people would all grow up and realize that we are all just people with the same wants and needs and we should break down the barriers and embrasse the similarities ...
I wish you well ....
2007-02-04 03:30:32 · answer #2 · answered by elke 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have a feeling that the boy you are talking about might be yourself. In any case, I believe at age 28, a man has enough wisdom to choose what is good for him and his future and this includes happiness. matches and arranged marriages sometimes lead to complete disastres. Whose happiness is important to this man ? I do not know much about the Indian culture, so as far as this is concerned I cannot give you an answer. Only on the human aspect. When two individuals love each other, everyone involved should try to understand their differences and the best way of course is through dialogue. Love conquers all!
Good luck... If this is a friend of yours try to cheer him up and tell him not to give up the dialogue.
2007-02-05 14:53:23 · answer #3 · answered by montralia 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
There's a story in my church that circulates now and then. A person of near east belief and ethnicity came to the US to train at the US Air Forces advanced flight school. While training there, he met a missionary, and converted to our belief knowing full well that when he returned home he would be ostracized in his community, and probably kicked out of his family, and certainly would never fly for his home countries air force again. Possibly his life would even be in danger. The man had a chance meeting with our churches president where the mans story was related to him. The president was surprised to say the least at what he heard, and asked the man why he would endure all of that for the church. The mans simple answer was "It's true isn't it?"
If this man truly loves that Caucasian girl, and wants to make his life with her, nothing else really matters. The family will just have to get over it's prejudices, and come into the 21st century.
Besides he's almost 30... Cut the umbilical cord already. Live your own life according to your own heart, and your own conscience.
2007-01-28 15:22:29 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is an age old problem and not one that is easily remedied,
One must always respect ones parents weather Hindu or Caucasian and you must always think out the situation. I have seen many arranged marriages work out , i have also seen many mixed marriages work out. First you must make sure that she loves you unconditionally and make her realize what it is you will be giving up for her, you must also show her that with marriage to you what her responsibility's will be and if she can handle that and you can handle it also then by all means marry her .
But if there is any doupt whatsoever hold on until you are sure as a marriage done is not so easily undone
2007-02-05 14:16:16 · answer #5 · answered by bazbikes49 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
For one thing, u are not a boy, you are a man. being a man, you have to make decisions that your family may not agree with. Your family must be of the old ways. I am an American woman most likely close to your parents ages. I say you should follow your heart. Just make sure the woman u want to marry, is totally serious about the adjustments ahead of her. Make sure she is embracing Hinduism because she herself wants this. Not because she wants you. I hope things work out between u two, also I pray your parents will look past their customs and see what is in your heart. Good luck.
Mary
2007-01-28 15:22:51 · answer #6 · answered by abbyrose 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Simply marry her what else!!!! After all he has to marry not his parents & he is to spend his life with her not his parents so what to think just tell him to go ahead & marry he don’t require anyone’s permission for this either in Indian laws nor any other countries law as he is adult more then 21years minimum age required for Indian Man to marry. What parents will say is that one day they will compromise with his decision as it so happens in so many similar cases which I know being an Indian & seen such drama happening in ever second home where son goes out for studies or job & get married to a foreign girl without the permission or consent of parents & after few days of family drama every thing settle down. Tell your friend to be brave hearted & marry this Caucasian girl without any delay or second thought...!!!!
2007-01-28 17:22:09 · answer #7 · answered by bisexualmale s 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Is this girl worth your family possilbly dissowning you?If you think so than this love better last forever,because if it don't your family is all that you will have and if it dont work than your family won't be there either.That's a tough question..but if you knew they were like that,why set yourself up like that in the first place.My opinion I think if you love someone and they love you back it shouldn't matter what they are.And exspecially if she is willing to learn your culture and raise kids that way and everything,I don't know why your family isn't more open to that.They would be raised how you were.If you love her that much,go for it,how do you love someone in an arranged marriage from your family?!!Good Luck!
2007-02-04 21:25:54 · answer #8 · answered by sbautzy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Hello,
My dear life is JUST to short,
Find happiness KEEP it, Caresse it and never let it go.
Tell mom and dad," In order to have love you need to be loved"
You have raised me to be like you, taught me respect, honer, love, so then why are you trying to now teach me dishonour?
I am what you made me today, nothing will change who I am.
Please be happy for me, share my happiness of a life time, together.
Go with your heart. If you feel this strongly about the lady you love then why in god's green earth would you want to marry another? To what make 2 people so unhappy just to make 2 other people happy on paper?
Not to speak of innocent children born into a fruitless home. Without seeing happy loving parents can't be a good thing.
Sandra
2007-01-30 01:46:06 · answer #9 · answered by Bluelady... 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First of all just tell your friend that love is not everything in life..
though love is an important part of life, no one can live in this world only with his love all his life..we need other people to interact..your friend is surely a nice guy..he respects his parents..he knows it very well hat parents try to give us the best of everything..they don't want your friend to suffer in later life..that's why they are reacting like this..they must have thought of something before refusing the girl your friend has chosen for him...your friend knows this very well..that's why he is waiting for their permission to marry her..
their are a lot of traditions followed in the Indian society...I think, your friend should tell this to her..give that girl some more time to think..maybe, she must not have thought of it..let her take her own time to understand this..
if she is ready then,its your friends responsibility to convince his parents..but, advice him not to go against them..we Indians respect our parents and their feelings..
best luck..
2007-01-28 15:26:15 · answer #10 · answered by ruprekhawati 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋