Can anyone help??

Question

Ok my mom died when I was 8 years old (I am 15 now) and I just had some new neighbors move in just over a year ago. And at first I wanted nothing to do with their parents becasue thats just what I've been like since my mom died. But as I go over their and "hang out" I find myself wanting their mom to be in the same room as us and to talk to us and play games like "truth or dare" and "would you rather" with us. And then if the two girls that I'm "hanging out" with get yelled at by there mom I feel like I want to get into trouble too. It's really weird. I also find myself feeling jealous when she goes and sits next to one of her daughters. Another thing, sometimes I feel like I just want to sit down with her and just talk with just me and her. I'm not sure whats going on, can someone help me? AND what shoud I do about this?

You guys are all telling me just to talk to her, it's not that easy

Answer 1

I think this is completely normal. I think it is a good idea for you to seek the company of adult women, including friend's moms. You can learn alot by not repeating their mistakes.

Answer 2

Ok. This is totally normal. Because of your lack of a motherly figure, you feel a tinge of jealousy when you see a friend with her mother, and even see her as your own motherly figure.

I say that you tell your friend's mother exactly how you feel and everything, plus about these responses. Trust me, I'm sure she'll feel honored and try to help in any way possible.

Finally, though you're 15, consider getting involved in an organization like Girl Scouts, Girls Inc, or Big Brothers, Big Sisters. You might not be young enough to be a little sister, but you could be a big, and you could be both a girl scout and a daisy troop leader, so you can get both the motherly figure and you can fill your own void of a lack of mother by being a motherly figure yourself.

Good luck! Let me know how it goes!

Answer 3

You have a need that needs to be fulfilled by someone who is a nice mother. Your neighbor is that and so she can fulfill that need. That doesn't mean that she should or that it is the best idea for you or her (she is your friend's mother, for example, and as soon as you start treating her like mom, that will change the way things are with your friend).
The good news is, you know what you need. Don't talk to her about needing her to be your mom. Talk to someone else, your dad or a counselor or your minister or somebody like that who can give good advice. Tell them that you need a mother type person in your life. I guarantee that they will 'get it' right away - it is so totally understandable. And then you can ask for help in finding that person - perhaps an aunt could move closer or become more involved in your life - or an older, grown-up cousin. Women know how to be maternal most of the time so they know what is needed.

Answer 4

I'm sorry about your mom--I'm sure you miss her a lot.

It's not hard to see that you are looking for a mother figure, and you must really like your friends' mom. Maybe you see or feel from her some of the qualities you remember in your mother. Or maybe you just feel you need an adult female perspective on something. It's not unusual at all to feel that at different times as you mature.

First, if you are close to your father, tell him about this and make sure it is OK with him. Then I think you should tell your friends and their mother how you feel. I know I would be honored if one of my daughter's friends didn't have a mother and wanted me to fill that role. If you are too shy to tell them verbally, write each one a letter. You don't say how you feel about the girls, but you will have to accept them as a package--you can't want mom to be your special friend w/o the two girls. You may want to tell them you realize something's been missing from your life since your mom's death and, until you met them, you hadn't noticed it. But now that you've gotten to know them, you find yourself wishing you could talk to the mom about questions and issues that you'd talk to your mom about if she were alive. You'll want to ask them if, when you feel the need, if it's OK to be their "adopted" daughter/sister. Assure them you aren't being overly needy or clingy (which I am assuming you are not and will not--no stalking).

You have to control the jealousy issue, though. If that continues, it could ruin the whole relationship. They are her daughters; they will always have a different bond than you will and you have to accept that. If you continue to have those jealous feelings, you may need to distance yourself from them, but I think seeing her with her daughters just reminds you of what you don't have. I think if you get some individual attention from her, the jealousy will go away. I'll be thinking of you. Best wishes.

Answer 5

Its a normal feeling that you have. Maybe say something like if you eat over, "I miss the dinners with my mom, or "You make me feel at home here", that may indicate to the mother you want to get close and she may make the first move, if not then maybe when you two are alone for a minute, say something like" I wish I could talk to you like I did my mom. I wish the best for you. There are groups if this dose not work.

Answer 6

I can actually see where your coming from it's somewhat normal to feel that way. you want a motherly figure in your life am i right? I know your probably tired of people telling you to talk to her, but saying something to her about it may help. I'm 17 and i live with out my father everyday, but I have many father like figures in my life like my brother, uncle, and stepdad. Just let her know how you feel it may help.

Answer 7

Ask her if u can talk to her in private. Explain to her how you feel. You are looking for a "mom". She would more than likely be willing to talk to you about anything just as your mom would have. My sons girlfriend calls me mom and i call her baby girl. Im sure she would not be offended if you just talk to her about your feelings.

Answer 8

There's nothing wrong with what you're feeling - deep down you really miss your mom.
Just sit down, with their mom, and tell her about your mom and what you're feeling now. I'm sure she'd be more than happy to discuss everything with you and she'll also feel lucky that you're opening up to her.
You really won't know until you open your mouth and ask her.

Answer 9

So just ask her if she would mind being a person to talk to. Simple solution. I am about willing to be she would be very happy to lend you an ear.

Answer 10

What your looking for is just a positive female roll model. You don't have to do nothing about it because its natural that you have someone to look up to as your growing up. Don't worry about it, its perfectly normal.