I feel absolutely nothing for my husband. Even in the bedroom, I've tried and tried, but I can't feel anything for him anymore. All I see is a big selfish overgrown baby who needs a mommy and not a wife. I have two children with him, but I can't stand him anymore. We fight all of the time, and when he can see that I am happy on the rare occasion I am, he acts so meanly to make sure that my day is ruined. The only time I can feel anything sexual for him is when I'm drunk. And that's because I'm not in my mind. What can I do? I just hate having to fake it. I've even thought of an affair just to feel like I'm appreciated in some way, not just a one minute vessel.
2007-01-28 14:08:08 · 30 answers · asked by Alone In This World 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Marriage & Divorce
aint marriage great?
2007-01-28 14:09:50 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 2⤋
Many people enter into marriage with a fantasy and a very vague idea of what their mate is like at their worst. The reality is that after some time you realize your partner is not who you thought or hoped they would be nor do you feel you're in an equal partnership. Cheating is not the answer and reflect a very poor character on your part. If you're unhappy have more respect and value for yourself..confront the problem, seek counseling, seek separation or get a divorce. Getting divorced is hard but your happiness is vital if you're a mother. Sex is more than just a physical action it's more about intimacy. It sounds like you have absolutely no intimacy in your relationship. Make a decision now that serves the best interest of your children and that will leave you feeling content as well. Counseling should be your first option as it seems you have a problem communicating positively thus have a disconnect in what it will take for you to move forward together.
2007-01-28 14:16:28 · answer #2 · answered by Bonita Applebaum 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Wow....when did you start living my life? I have a feeling there are a whole lot of us out here going threw the same stuff. I try to figure out what the right solution is everyday....how do I find happiness and contentment for myself, without turning my family, who I love upside down in this process. Financially I have deep concerns as well, I earn about 1/3 of the household income, as I had a late start getting into the workforce (I raised 3 kids, 2 of them who are disabled and still live at home as adults) . I feel like after 28 years of marriage, and borrowing from Peter to pay Paul finally getting the mortgage paid off....I am petrified of the thought of losing that security....I don't want to have to borrow from Peter anymore....I paid those dues! The sad thing is....the best solution is such a simple one......all I need is to be given the same respect and treatment as I give him everyday....but for some unknown reason.....it has never happened and most likely never will. I have considered marriage consoling, and possible it is a consideration for you...but in reality I know that in my situation it would not work, anything that I say in an effort to heal things will only come back to haunt me ten fold later. I honestly wish on a daily basis that he will just decide to leave...for what ever reason..but I never see this happening, as he see's me as his property, and he isn't showing any signs of letting go...no matter how bitter and unhappy he decides to be. Best of luck sister!
2007-01-28 14:31:10 · answer #3 · answered by catywhumpass 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I would sit down with your spouse and talk about these issues and how you feel. If you want it to work maybe try marriage counseling. If it's not going to work, get on with your life - without him. My parents were always fighting and stayed together for "the kids" and finally got a divorce when I was a senior in high school (10 years ago). By that time I hated my parents and didn't know how to respect women. Anyways, sounds like your life and the life of your family could be much better. I'd open the dialog.
2007-01-28 14:17:52 · answer #4 · answered by Jason R 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I know what you are saying! My husband and I don't sleep in the same rooms anymore <>>> and as far as I'm concerned never will have intercourse, you see the love is gone so you cannot make love out of nothing >> you either love him or not //// I have come o the conclusion, that I love him but don't want him in a sexual way >> where to go from here I can't say // but you be careful if you and your hubby can agree on a platonic relationship ***great , if not you have to decide if your OK with him stepping out, for the wild thing >> and is he OK with you doing the same !!!!! BUT for god's sake remember the kids >> MY husband and I don't have any kids,
2007-01-28 14:25:02 · answer #5 · answered by yvette b 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like you are not happy with him anymore, perhaps you need to have a temporary separation until you can work things out. They say if you are in a relationship and things aren't working out, the first time you may be a victim of the behavior, and anytime after that your a volunteer for the behavior. So take care of your needs and don't get drunk.
2007-01-28 14:16:14 · answer #6 · answered by detroit_city_girl@yahoo.com 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I went through this with my husband. He was childish and I felt like his mommy, too. It's hard to feel sexually attracted when you're made to feel like the mother and not the wife. I lost all respect for him and finally divorced him. Best decision I ever made. I'd rather be alone and/or back in the crazy dating world than be a part of that again. (BUT, we didn't have kids. I know that complicates things, but ask yourself, will you EVER be happy with this man? Are you setting a bad example for your children by staying with this man?)
2007-01-28 14:14:34 · answer #7 · answered by dallas_darling 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Everyone goes through the "I'm not attracted" bit from time to time in marriage. Oftentimes for us women it's because we don't feel attractive perhaps because of weight gain or just letting ourselves go. And oftentimes, it's just as you said-a big, selfish, overgrown baby who needs a mommy. First, don't treat him like one of the kids, nor be his mommy such as picking up his clothes, doing his chores because he hasn't gotten around to it...
And talk to him about your feelings. He may be feeling the same way. If talking (not nagging or venting) doesn't help, try marriage counseling.
2007-01-28 14:18:52 · answer #8 · answered by Sharman B 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Does he know how you feel? And saying that would it even matter? I think you know what you need to do, you need to move on. An affair will not solve the problem you still have to go home to someone who does not appreciate you.
Try to think of what your kids notice in you two, is that how you want them to grow up thinking that is ok. If you are totally not attracted to him and he does nothing to help that, it is time to move on, and I believe you know that.
Good Luck it is hard to walk away, but when you do, you will be glad you did it.
2007-01-28 14:13:09 · answer #9 · answered by Naughty Girl 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Young Lady,
I understand your feelings,there are 2 things you can do,you can leave hem,or you try to work things out,but you have to think about your Children,the should grow up in Peace,you may have to get someone else to fix the Problem,Good Luck
2007-01-28 14:15:53 · answer #10 · answered by karl s 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well, I would recommend telling him or trying to find resolution first with a time line. Meaning if it doesn't get better by _____ then I will _____.
Keep a journal so you know you are making good choices, and build your plan. I was happily divorced for similar reasons! Now remarried.
2007-01-28 14:14:21 · answer #11 · answered by Who Knew! 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋