asked me to get milk for our three year old. He told me to keep the change when I got it, so I did. A few minutes later he demanded it back, and when I asked him why, he just said he needed it. He's a very miserly jacka55 most of the time, and I alone care for our two children including buying them enough clothing and shoes, along with toys and what not. So I figured he could put forth something since he never cooks, never cleans, never even helps with the children. Just sits on his a55 watching his movies. He decided he didn't want to take no for an answer, and dumped my purse out looking through it. It wasn't there because I keep my wallet in my coat pocket. He then turned around, looked at me, and said that he hated me. He was drunk, remember, and he usually is honest when he's drunk. I said to him "What about the other day when you were drunk and said you loved me". He said "I hate you. You're a ***** and a theif". I've never stolen from him in my life. What's up?
2007-01-28 13:59:16 · 26 answers · asked by Alone In This World 1 in Social Science ➔ Psychology
He also goes nuts with the phone. When the children are at my mom's for the odd weekend they are there, he rings up my phone sometimes 30 times in a row. The rest of the time they're with me and he couldn't care less about the phone. He's also accused me of cheating and questions the heck out of me, knowing I've never cheated a single time and never would. He also knows that women in my family never cheat, while the men in his family are very known for it. So what is his problem???
2007-01-28 14:01:06 · update #1
As other people have posted...it seem obvious what should happen. Your husband is obviously very abusive and perhaps a "full blown alcoholic"!
Instead of offering my opinion...I'm going to reverse the question(s)...
"What do YOU want to do?"
"What is your GUT telling you 'needs' to happen?"
"Is he okay when he's not drunk? i.e. - Not abusive/loving?"
"Is he an alcoholic?"
"Would alcoholic rehabilitation/intervention be an option instead of divorce?"
"Are you sick and tired of being abused?"
"Are you ready to leave him?"
Answer these questions and you'll answer your own question(s).
p.s. - I've been there. I left.
Good Luck...I've sent a link below for more information....
2007-01-28 14:18:15 · answer #1 · answered by Krisma 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What is his problem you ask?
Maybe the fact that you continue to take this abuse.
But, you won't leave him will you?
You're one of these women who will continue to take the abuse because "I love him and I know he will change", right?
Eventually, and maybe it already has, the abuse will become physical, you'll start making excuses for your black eyes and bruises and your life will be in danger.
Think about it...think about what's best for you and your children.
Put together an escape plan, someplace you know you and your children will be able to go (your parents, a local abused women's shelter) that is safe on that night that he finally loses it and takes it out on you. It's just a matter of time.
Your husband is prone to dillusional jealous rage (even though you don't cheat and he has no proof) and this is exacerbated by the alcohol.
This sad story is repeated over and over again in this country.
As a last resort, seek counseling help if you can, and if he's willing to go along with it...but that means his giving up the alcohol, I don't have much confidence that he'll be so willing to change his "comfortable" life-style.
If you do find the means, courage and strength to leave, be prepared for him to beg you not to go. The reality of losing his cook, dishwasher and house-maid (and of course, the children) will be a wake-up call but, by that time it will be too late.
Best of luck!
2007-01-28 14:14:35 · answer #2 · answered by GeneL 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I think you know what his problem is but are afraid to face the reality.
This man is an alcoholic and possibly and abusive one at that. On the technical side he needs help. But no amount of you trying to tell him that is going to motivate him to seek it.
My suggestion to you is contact a lawyer and file for separation and divorce on the grounds of incompatibility and alcohol abuse. Of course he will try and put the blame on you, but shrug it off. Every woman who reads you story will say Pi55 him off and they would be right. But despite all good intentions I am yet to see any woman take the plunge and do it. Fear is the main issue with dumping a creature like this. What retaliatory measures may he take. Steal the kids, bash you up burn the house down. I have heard it all before. You don;t say where in the World you are , but there are agencies that can assist you in dealing with this situation, Women's Shelters, Women's advisory services etc. Seek them out and get help for you and the kids. Let him sink to rock bottom then when he is there he will automatically be admitted fro treatment. DON'T TAKE HIM BACK! move on, women of your ilk ( non cheaters) are a rarity and any man should be glad to have a woman with that quality to offer and should honor it with their own respect and fidelity.
Act now, don't become a drunks victim because they have an inadequate personality, don't mean you should suffer because of it
2007-01-28 14:17:13 · answer #3 · answered by Shelty K 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Alone In This World,it appears you love your husband.You would not ask these questions after telling us your story if you did not care.Apperently the "hate"&"love"&name calling is the alcahol talking,you know that.Now you have to ask yourself if continuing this is good for the children& you.Wait for a sober moment,have a serious talk with him express your honesty&sincerity,bring up the value of the children and family life, hopefully he will listen to you and see how much he has to loose if he does not change.Hopefully things will get better.Try to show him the chidren and you are and should be a part of his life,TRY!
2007-01-28 14:36:52 · answer #4 · answered by Robert B 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The problem is the alcohol, he is an alcoholic and needs to be in a program working the 12 steps. He has a problem and you can't fix it, he has to fix it. You should visit an Al-Anon meeting "a support group for families of alcoholics" this might help you with dealing with the issue with him. Also you may not realize how this situation is affecting and changing your children as well as yourself. You tech people how to treat you and he should not be talking to you like he is and name calling is a deal breaker for both of you. Please visit and you can get a lot out of 1 meeting. Good Luck and God Bless.
2007-01-28 14:23:56 · answer #5 · answered by 1TON 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Whatever you do, don't listen to Robert B. There is no reasoning with an abusive alcoholic.
Get out now. If not for your sake, then for your kids'. They're growing up in a dysfunctional environment and it's not healthy for them.
This situation will not improve unless and until your husband gets the help he needs. Only he can do that. You can't save him. You CAN, however, save yourself and save your kids. Do it before it's too late.
2007-01-28 15:39:02 · answer #6 · answered by oh kate! 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Are you kidding me!! How totally retarded do you have to be to see that he does hate you as a mate and only wants you around to cook, clean, and raise his kids. If he is telling you that you are cheating on him then he is definitely cheating on you. Grow up girl!! Move the heck out and get a real man, not a piece of crap!! If you stay then it's your fault for letting him get away with this sh*t. Maybe you just like being with a total loser!
2007-01-28 14:06:55 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dang. This guy is an a55hole. I'm only in my teens and don't know much about marriage but if you really care for your children, get out! Your huband needs help. There's Rehab and phsychiology for people in his situation. For the sake of your marriage and children he needs help.
2007-01-28 14:11:38 · answer #8 · answered by anime_chump99 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your husband has a control problem and needs to see a shrink and go to AA as well why not throw in some anger management drunk or not he has some serious issues. I hope things get better for you!
2007-01-28 14:06:47 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
well someone close to me has the same problem he blames her for cheating on him and stuff we think it because he used to do drugs and then he stopped if this is the case then you know y ANY drugs that wwere take previousley and stuff CAN AND WILL make him lose it quite regually im sorry to hear this and i feel sorry for you heaps just try and work on him and the trust he has to have in you so try to reason wit him n den maby it can help but it WONT fix him completley it still happenes to this clode person to me ok i hope i helped you soz if i didnt : (
2007-01-28 14:12:46 · answer #10 · answered by Cj : ) 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋